would you attend a family event where you're not 'allowed' to nurse? - Page 3

[Amy0417]

This is just me- I wouldn't go. Especially with your DDs eating circumstances. Nursing is a normal thing and something she needs. Actually, before deciding whether to go or not, could you talk to your family and explain the circumstances and how important nursing is? If they don't understand I wouldn't go. I'm sorry Mama. This breaks my heart

[KristyDi]

Originally Posted by cdmommie

Well, we are going. DH says we will just leave when DD needs to nurse and let them know why. I think I should just nurse her and see what happens. I guess we'll feel it out and play it by ear.

Good luck. I hope it goes well. I'd love to hear what happens if you feel like sharing.

[SubliminalDarkness]

No one in my family would attend, period. Either we're all welcome, or none of us are.

[Amy0417]

I'm sure you are already on your way but about the public place- I would do like you say. Just nurse her an see what happens. In fact I think they would be pretty embarrassed to kick you out of a restaurant (or wherever) in front of the whole family. ACTUALLY- in a public place you have rights to bf anywhere (except for a place of worship). I hate when family is like this. Let us know how it goes

[Shantimama]

Originally Posted by texmati

no. they should value family ties as well, right? My dad used to be uncomfortable with me nursing in the same room. He would always insist that I stay put, and he'd go somewhere else.

What a great way for your Dad to handle it! Working at a good family relatiosnhip goes both ways where all parties have to be willing to be flexible when they disagree.

Originally Posted by Llyra

No way, man. I wouldn't go. It's not even just how rude they're being to you. Basically, they're telling your poor DD she's not allowed to eat while she's there, and that's awful. I believe in family ties-- I put up with all kinds of crazy crap from my own family, in order to protect the relationships my kids have with them. But telling my kid she can't eat, because they have some kind of wacky issues, is more than I'd be willing to take.

That said, if I was really wanting to not miss it, I'd go, and nurse anyway, and if they confronted me about it, I'd make a stand and refuse to stop. Let them throw me out. That may not be your style, of course, but I don't think you should have to feel like you're doing anything wrong in this situation.

I think I would have done this too. If my SIL was bottlefeeding out of preference rather than necessity I wouldn't refuse to allow her to pull out a bottle in my home, no matter how much it irked me. I would be bothered, especially if she propped a wee babe in a car seat for feeding instead of nursing but there is no way I would consider telling her it wasn't okay to feed her baby the way she chooses in my home. I would expect the same respect in return.

Originally Posted by mija y mijo

Seeing that it's in a public place, I would go and nurse my child as needed.

Originally Posted by CherryBomb

Agreed. If it was in their home, I'd either not go, or deal with hiding to nurse (no matter how ridiculous and stupid it is, but it's their house). But out in public? No way. And if they say anything, I'd just very firmly say "We are in a public place and I have every legal right to nurse here."

[mamadelbosque]

I'd either go and ignore htem and just nurse (cause' thats what I do. People have 'asked' me to move/goto the bathroom/tell them and they'll 'find you somewhere to nurse...', and I smile & nod, and i ignore them. I nurse wehrever I am. If you don't like it, f' you. And if you really hate it, you just won't see me *OR* my kids. So thats what I'd do. I'd either go and ignore them completely and just nurse or I just wouldn't go.

[Quinalla]

I was going to go with the first response if it was in their home, a polite e-mail explaining the situation. I too think that this SIL is beyond rude, but I still try to be polite even to rude people, especially in a situation like yours where you are trying to keep the peace for the sake of family ties. But since it is in a public place, I probably wouldn't bother or worry about it and just show up and nurse as needed. And get DH to handle the other kids if/when you need to nurse, since it is his brother you are trying to keep the peace for, he needs to help out (unless he won't be there?). The only thing I might do is have DH talk to his brother and explain the situation so his brother can have ammo to help diffuse his wife if necessary.

[angelpie545]

Seeing that it's in a public place, I would go and nurse as needed. If anyone says anything, I'd explain her medical condition to them in plain, simple terms, and keep repeating it if they press. Id' also look up the law in your state (if you state is one of those where breastfeeding is specifically protected) and keep it handy.

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by Pirogi

Yep, I'd go, and I'd nurse wherever and whenever needed. If you get "bounced" from the party, then that's the time to stop contact.

10-4 on that, my thoughts exactly.

You are feeding your child, their relative.

[RoseDuperre]

Originally Posted by LauraN

Does your BIL value the relationship as much as your husband does? Because it's his job to stop his wife from being unreasonably rude to his brother's wife. I just asked DH what he would do in this situation (he's also very close to both his brothers) and he said he would tell his brother that we wouldn't be able to attend their functions until the ban on breastfeeding was ended. Really, they're the ones damaging the relationship by disallowing breastfeeding.
Posted via Mobile Device

Originally Posted by KristyDi

I'd send DH and DD, but wouldn't go myself.

I concur with the first, and then if that's not possible, I'd do the latter.

[cdmommie]

We did go. I cried half the way there. DH offered to just turn around and go home after he couldn't think of a good reason we were even going ( I so <3 him!). I honestly would rather deal with the nursing issue than to deal with what may happen and be said if we didn't go though.

DD2 slept the whole way there and DD1 had to potty really bad when we got there, so there was no time to nurse before the party. About half way through, she was getting really antsy and begging, so I just sat next to a relative who has, on several occasions, expressed how wonderful she thinks it is that I'm still nursing her. Two people from BIL's wife's family gave me nasty looks and one of them started to come up to me but looked around the room and changed her mind.

One of BIL's wife's friends did have the nerve to tell me that my children and I shouldn't be there (not sure why we were invited in the first place then!). I just ignored it and walked away.

I'm glad there was no confrontation WHILE I was nursing DD2, but I am inclined to think our interactions with these people will be extremely limited from here on out.

[almadianna]

I dont understand why BIL's wife's friends had the gall to tell you that.... but

You are in Texas I see, where in Texas are you? I am in texas as well. I hope you have a good support system of mamas where you are that can help you in times like this. I am sorry that this was so bad and I think after this I too would limit my interaction with them.

[cdmommie]

Originally Posted by almadianna

I dont understand why BIL's wife's friends had the gall to tell you that.... but

You are in Texas I see, where in Texas are you? I am in texas as well. I hope you have a good support system of mamas where you are that can help you in times like this. I am sorry that this was so bad and I think after this I too would limit my interaction with them.

PM'd you