Originally Posted by whoami
Thanks for all the support and links! We clicked through a couple sites yesterday but we're going to have to look through it again when we have more focused time. Actually, it will mostly be me doing all the reading. My honey is supporting me and is open and eager to learn about this with me.
I also talked to my brother and he said "what?! mom did that to x but not to me?!" - like what she did to our older brother was a good thing or something. So I guess he thought they were both the same all this time, which might be the case and I guess I'll find out when I talk to my mom. But anyways, he says he used to wish he was circumcised but not anymore and he thinks intercourse feels better. At one point he thought of getting circumcised but then the chance of losing sensation wasn't worth it to him. If he ever has a son he would choose to circumcise him though, or leave it up to his wife. Funny too, his friend was there when we were talking and he was saying to absolutely circumcise. He had no real reason as to why though.
Bro also said he felt better knowing his risks for stds are lower, which i always thought it was higher? And that he just has to clean better than if he weren't intact.
I've got a lot of reading to do!
Re-read this. Maybe repeat it to him. Ask him to talk you through the logic of those statements.
He probably used to wish he was circ'd because he may have felt different. That was a childish/immature view (he'll probably admit to that) and it's also not relevant anymore because more and more are choosing to leave their children intact.
Now as an adult he realizes what he has retained/gained by being intact. He LIKES it.
Yet he would circ his own son??? Why?
My brother and I had this same discussion. He was intact until age 5 or 6 when he had a circ supposedly because he was having erections and his foreskin was splitting. Why a complete circ vs any of the other available treatments, who knows, probably because the drs were just quick to circ. He remembers the aftermath, the week of AGONY he experienced, he remembers our parents making him a warm bath just so he could sit in it to pee. He remembers sitting in a bath of warm water trying to peel the gauze off his raw bloody penis. He REMEMBERS all of this. Yet he told me he would circ his son.
Why? Because he didn't want his son to go through what he did. But when I pointed out that he was actually *guaranteeing* that his son would go through it, while a helpless newborn nonetheless, he kind of faltered in his argument. I encouraged him to look up alternate ways they could have treated his tight foreskin, with stretching exercises, creams, or even a dorsal slit (I believe it's called, where a small incision is made in the foreskin to release it, but not a full circ) All of those were available to him as a child, but my parents chose a full circ instead. Thereby inflicting mind-numbing pain that he remembers nearly 30 years later.
It is so hard to break the cycle sometimes, so hard to force yourself out of a paradigm, so hard to consider alternatives.
You sound like you're well on your way towards researching and educating yourself. I'm so glad your hubby is on board, some men are very unwilling to discuss the topic at all!
Work your way through the links. Make a list of questions you have, make a list of conceptions you have and try to prove or disprove them (the STD argument, for example) Then try to determine whether any of the issues warrant a neonatal circ. If you are methodical and focus on the information, you will come to a conclusion that you feel very good about.