This dress makes me look fat

[mimim]

These words were spoken by my FIVE year old DD. I was stunned. She's not fat, first of all. Second of all, why would she even notice?

I told her that fat or thin isn't important, but healthy is important. We try to eat healthy food when we are hungry and be active in our lives and then we will be the size we should be. She didn't buy it. She rolled her little eyes at me and said, "But you're skinny. I'm not wearing this dress. It makes me look fat."

Ideas on how to try to counterbalance the focus on appearance in our culture? I try to be a good model and avoid fashion magazines or comments about how I or anyone else looks but I am really worried if she's already considering her weight before she has even started kindergarten.

[AllyRae]

I wonder if she's just saying she doesn't like how she looks in that dress. Everyone should wear things that make them feel good about themselves--most adults would choose things that made them look their best.

I think I'd just say something like "I'm hearing you say that you don't like how you look in this dress. Let's see if we can find something that makes you feel comfortable."

Kids that age do notice--when DS was 5, he'd innocently say I had a "fluffy belly". He didn't know it was an insult. We don't talk about being fat. It's just something he noticed. We talked about how people come in all shapes and sizes. If your daughter is height and weight proportional, maybe talk to her about how she eats well, exercises, and that her doctor says that she is the right size for her age. I don't necessarily think many 5 year olds will talk about dieting, being thin, etc. But they do notice and innocently comment on things like weight, and they do like their clothes to fit a certain way...

Help her to feel comfortable in her own skin and allow her to wear clothing that is flattering (I couldn't think of a better word for a 5 year old...I don't mean flattering like flirty...just flattering like something that fits well and doesn't make her uncomfortable) and continue to be a good role model for her in regards to the issue. :

[mimim]

This is really just an example. She has a thing about being "pretty". At some point in this conversation she also told me she didn't care, she just wanted to be skinny. It wasn't a dress that I was trying to convince her to wear. She was just randomly trying on her clothes while I was making dinner and she came in to show me. It was a dress that somebody had given her a while ago and she had never wanted to wear. I sort of wondered why not, but I didn't make an issue of it. I let her wear what she wants as long as it is appropriate for the weather and the activity she is about to do.

I know plenty of adult women who worry about their appearance all the time and never feel good enough no matter what they do. I want to try to help my daughter to be satisfied with who she is and to focus on who she is as a person, not what she looks like. I fully expect her to notice that people are different sizes. I just want her to not judge them or herself based on things like that.