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Long hair on toddlers (particularly boys) - Page 2

post #21 of 33
We've ended up trimming DS's "bangs" from time to time because it drove me crazy to see the hair poking him in the eyes (his hair is kinda curly in back, but stick straight on the top/front). He will wear hats sometimes but only tolerates a clippy barrette for about a minute. When he was about 20 months I did finally trim the back a little just cuz having it long in back and short in front (and my non-professional haircutting skills) was starting to look a little peculiar (my sis joked about mullets). His hair is still longer than any of the other boys we hang with. DS has long eyelashes and round cheeks and has often been mistaken for a girl. We usually just let it go.
post #22 of 33
Originally Posted by twinergy View Post
The stuff I'm using right now is cheap with artificial color and fragrance and is what was in my budget that month. I looked around a bit and didn't find anything that was unscented, even the stuff I got from Whole foods for about 10 times the price. Maybe someone else would have suggestions. But you have got me thinking, maybe a homemade gel would work. With a quick google search I found this thread with lots of ideas; it's a starting point if this is your inclination. If you try this I would love to have a recipe that works.
Aloe vera is supposed to work well as a hair gel
post #23 of 33
I just trim the bangs when they start to bother him
post #24 of 33
Up until a few months ago, my youngest son (5 at the end of the month) had never cut his hair. For a very long time, he would just sob if anyone even made the suggestion. His hair was down to his butt in back. He finally decided he wanted it cut because he didn't like the long washing/conditioning/combing out process, but he still wishes his hair was long. People constantly assumed he was a girl, and with "Aidan" becoming a more popular name for girls, even hearing me say his name didn't dissuade anyone. fortunately, it never once seemed to bother him. Usually, I didn't bother to correct people (unless I knew we'd be seeing them in the future) and he never corrected anyone. He liked people thinking he was a girl. I'm not sure if he plans to let it grow out again. I miss him being a blond (it looks brown short!) and his curls are all gone now. It's completely up to him, though.

Anyhow, when it was in that akward in the face stage, we just let it go. He looked shaggy for awhile, but the period passed quickly.

ETA: Here's the link to his haircut day photo album. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/...&id=1375570665
post #25 of 33
My youngest was the same way until last week. He has/had beautiful curly hair and it was a bit past his shoulders. I had it cut several days back b/c everyone called him a girl. I regretted it the minute I did it

I am letting it grow back in, hoping it doesn't take too long and from then on I will just trim.

To keep it out of his eyes I did trim the bangs a bit so it hit right around his eyebrows and I also side swept it. He could have also done a short ponytail but he hated that.
post #26 of 33
I forgot to add that even with the cut people think he is a girl. He has very delicate feautures, long gorgeous lashes, so he could really go either way unless you checked his diaper
post #27 of 33
My boys are 2.5 and 5 and they have long hair... I think nothing of it, lots of boys in our beachy surf community do... But even just the next town over it's seen as sorta odd. The other day both my kids were in their "running clothes" (I run daily so they call their sports clothes running clothes) and looked like a couple of little jocks to me.

A guy at Whole Foods says to me, "You sure got a couple of tomboys, huh?" and I said "Oh yeah, they both wanted their sports outfits today" and thought nothing of it. Then it hit me he thought they were girls! It didn't even occur to me.

Both their hair is down to their shoulders, by the way.

I just cracked up. I once had big guy's hair cut really short and he almost had a panic attack at the barber. I decided it's just not something I care about, and if they want it long, fine. When they want it short, fine. It's up to them.
post #28 of 33
Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185 View Post
Hi Jennie!!

Liam gets mistaken for a girl ALL.THE.TIME.... Since his hair is straight and grows forwards, I just cut bangs for him.... My nephew has curly hair similar to Wyatt's though, and I cut his hair, and he has "bangs" as well.... I would just brush it to the side and use a definite part when it is wet to try to "train" it to go to the side. You could even put a bobby pin in it while it is wet and then take it out when it is dry and it should stay to the side a little better.

It doesn't really bother me when he gets mistaken for a girl... he is most definitely ALL boy, and I always dress him like a "boy" so I really don't get how people think he is a girl... it is usually older people who probably aren't used to seeing boys with longish hair. :
I quoted the above post because the child in the pic *behind* your nephew with the curly hair in front (the child w/ the straight hair behind him- your child, or no?) is almost a spitting image of my child, 18 mos. Too funny! Not just the hair, but everything. I think many people seeing that picture might actually think that was a photo of my son lol.

His hair is now long enough for ponytails/clips and does sometimes need to be slicked back also (we just use water so far) on hot summer days so it does not bother his neck/ears/forehead, but I know it is getting longer by the day, and even before it was getting to the noticeably long stage, he was often called a girl since 5-6 mos or even younger, don't recall exactly.. Plus, in the state i live in, long hair in winter is a big advantage, boy or girl, since it gets FREEZING! So, no plans for a cut here!!

My son was born with plenty of hair and it keeps on growing- I have just gotten to the stage now at 18 mos where people ask if/when he'll get his first cut, to which I say I see no reason to, the maintenance, the silliness of it all, etc., winter coming and the practical reasons to have an extra layer of protection and insulation... and that i want him to make the choice and be AWARE of what is happening.. now I did not have a gender ultrasound specifically because, as a pp pointed out, babies and toddlers and even young kiddos are androgynous in many ways, and and I did not want a stereotyped gender idea pushed on my child before he even left the womb.. even though his sex is clearly known now, I still emphasize to people that we are all about incorporating fun, bright, vibrant, and varying colors, to match the joy and fun of childhood, and that we will not be constrained by gender distinctions in descriptors, interactions, clothing, or hairstyle- the approach all kind of goes together I guess. I prefer not to cut his hair at least until he is old enough to express a preference; I like the idea of children having as much say and responsibility in day to day choices as possible.

I also really dislike jeans and such which I feel are uncomfortable, so I dress him in clothes, either used and/or organic, cotton, wool when needed, which are anything from rainbow striped, to solid colors like navy or grey or the typical white onesie with pants or overalls, plaid or navy overalls, etc- the overalls are more boy-ish I guess, and the bland/neutral colors on occasion also perceived as such, but he's still been mistaken for a girl all the time, even before his hair got longer.. he has a very chubby cute "beautiful/some would say feminine" face, huge blue eyes and long eye lashes, and long straight blonde hair. I like purple a lot, so sometimes when he is wearing purple that makes people think he is a girl- I think it is an awesome fun color for any child and love his purple clothes!

I have had to trim his bangs about five-six times between 16-18 mos as they seemed to bug him in his eyes, but have now realized and decided that if his hair is to continue to grow out, I don't want to deal with the upkeep of bangs (and my poor skills with haircare like that, and the risk of eye stabbings with a scissors in close proximity to squirmy toddler) so have chosen to stop cutting them now, brush to the side until the hair will naturally tuck behind his ears and grow with the rest of his hair. I have been experimenting with different tools to keep it back for now if need be.

Though not yet in public, I have experimented with the "poof" ponytail sticking straight up on top (I think it is adorable regardless of gender), and a clip to hold his bangs out of his eyes as OP mentioned.. he won;t really keep hats on reliably.. his li'l clip is brown, fairly plain, but hairclips or styles are still associated with girls in our society- that said, OP, who cares what they think as long as your DS is not bothered by it, do what works!! to you!!

Now that I have decided to let the bangs grow too, I do plan to utilize a hairband/ponytail and/or clip both in public and at home for those few months of awkward hair too long for bangs but too short for tucking behind the ears.. I am comfortable with that.. so you are not alone. but anticipate even more gender mix-ups and "beautiful little girl" comments as hair gets longer methinks.. they (gender misidentificaton incidents) don't upset me except to the extent that there are these tight little boxes contructed to mold our children into and it restricts their individuality- but I think we all know that is just the general problem with our society and why we've chosen to make different choices in parenting..

But seriously- my goodness, these are BABIES lol. So at least for me, both for philosophical reasons of wanting not to limit my child in any capacity based on gender/sex, and also for eco/environmental reasons, I wanted a wardrobe that was more androgynous, for future children/hand-me-downs, as well as because I think bright colors and patterns reflect the fun and exploratory stage of childhood and are fun!! so while I don't make a point of putting him in pink all the time to challenge social norms, he has a couple outfits with pink in them (though he has outgrown two of the three I can think of)-- the one that still fits is a tie dye t-shirt, mainly purple/blue tie dye with a rainbow heart in the middle, the center of the heart is pinkish tie dye about 1-2 inches.. at the airport earlier this summer (his first flight!) the attendant at the counter asked a question about 'my daughter,' I simply replied to her question with emphasis on "he" and answered her politely, to clarify his gender and address the question, but was not upset.. she seemed flustered and said, "well, with the pink on his shirt, I assumed..."

I just said, in a friendly tone, that we don't really worry about "boy versus girl colors" that as long as it is comfortable for him (cotton, fits well etc.) it is all good for us, but that it's no biggie and that others have made this error at times (funnily enough, the pink was just one hue out of the rainbow tie-die, and the smallest color represented among the entire rainbow lol; 90 or more percent of the shirt was a blue-ish/purple color, the pink in the heart on the front was a tiny patch in the center of the heart- oh well.)

I do hope that by gently discussing the issue a bit when time and context allows it will give people some food for thought. But I understand over time mamas might also just let it slide or not want or be able to take the time or energy to correct them or discuss the issue- I do see it as a learning/teaching opportunity though.

Even when wearing fairly androgynous or "boyish" clothes, DS can be mistaken for a girl I think based solely the hair and face, and I imagine this will be greatly exacerbated for him/us as his hair continues to grow, so we'll be dealing with this even more than we have in the past, I imagine, but I am not too worried and see it as an opportunity to kindly let people know that in this day and age, it is okay to let go of the stereotypes of the past, and that I have no intention of limiting my child's color choices or toy choices or anything else based on his reproductive system/sex chromosomes. Functionality and comfort win out over outdated stereotypes in my book any day!

OP, best of luck, and I see no problem using a clip if that is what works best for your son's comfort!! As another PP pointed out, adult men can be secure in their gender identity and wear long hair/ponytails, as women, though maybe a BIT less so, can be comfortable with shorter hairstyles, so even moreso with kids who DO have more androgynous traits and are not of sexual maturity, do not even KNOW their own gender lol, it is odd to me that this is an issue.. but the first haircut is abig step, I think long haired toddler boys are adorable, and as stated like the idea of including them in decisions about things like this.

Best of luck, peace and love to your and yours!!
Namaste, MG (and DS 18 mos)
post #29 of 33
MG01-- yep that's my son, Liam!!!
post #30 of 33
DS's hair is much longer in the back and on the sides of his head, so I've never had to worry about his bangs. Neither DH nor I want to cut it, since it's so beautiful. We've only gotten a couple of "shes" or "hers" before, so we're not worried about it. He's even had a couple of dread locks pop up, but we've combed them out. We're not ready to go down that road quite yet.
post #31 of 33
Originally Posted by YayJennie View Post
What kind of hair gel do you use? We considered hair gel, but I'm not a huge fan of putting tons of chemical's on my kid's head. It probably doesn't hurt to put a little hair gel, but if I was using it everyday I would want it to be pretty organic/chemical free (we use all natural and dye free/scent free soaps and shampoos as well because my son has kind of sensitive skin).
We use Aubrey Organics if we run out of our handmade soaps, I use the gel and have not thought about using on my LO, I use it in my hair though.


Our 13 month old is just about to the hair in the eye stage, growing through it!
post #32 of 33
Can I revive this thread? My son is going to be 17-months-old in a couple days and I keep getting comments from my MIL about his hair getting "too crazy". He's my youngest of four boys and the only one who ended up with curls. I can't stand the thought of cutting them all off, but it's really hard to keep it out of his face. Quite honestly, I don't want to cut his hair. My main problem is the comments from my MIL. Looking at pictures of my husband when he was a baby/toddler, his hair was long and curly! I feel like she's being hypocritical when she tells me that I need to get Timothy's hair cut.
post #33 of 33
eclipse, I just about cried with your DS's hair cut pics! But he's so stinkin' cute and looked very happy! I can't believe how long his hair was. Wow!

My 6yo has shoulder-length blonde hair that still curls into finger curls in the front. It's only wavy in the back now. You can see him at just-turned-3 in these pics - he'd never had a haircut. Within six months *everyone* was calling him a girl. We finally trimmed it up a little sometime around 3.5 years and have continued to trim it now and again. But even if we hadn't, it would NEVER have been way down his back! Here he is a couple months ago before the most recent trim: http://gallery.mac.com/hvbarrett#100...&bgcolor=black

The baby in those pics - and, yes, all of mine have been nearly bald at birth - now has SUPER curly hair - just covered in ringlets! His hair has never been cut, either, and when stretched out it's now longer than the 6yo's! The little guy will be 3 next week. A decent pic of his hair a couple of months ago: http://gallery.mac.com/hvbarrett#100...&bgcolor=black

And all three of my boys have been called girls at some time or another. My younger two (the longer-haired, curly-tops) get called girls frequently even though they're always dressed in pretty clear "boy" outfits. I generally just nonchalantly interject, "Oh, he's a boy. Yep, they're all boys!" and get big eyes and lots of "Wow!"s at the fact that I am out and about with three boys.

Thankfully with the curls we haven't had to deal with needing to hold their hair back, but that IS why we eventually cut DS1's hair at 18m. His preschool teachers kept telling us it was in his eyes, and so we finally made the leap. I did keep it on the much longer side, though. He's 8.5 and has had ONE clipper cut, ever, only because he decided he wanted to try something shorter.
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