Mistakes We've Made As Foster Parents - Page 2

[Irishmommy]

We used to foster. My biggest mistake was advocating for my foster children (which you are SUPPOSED to do). All it ever brought was grief, to us, our kids and our foster kids. Our agency (both of them, we switched at one point) just wanted babysitters, yes people who wouldn't question anything. I'm not like that.

We were also told at the first agency that the sw is more important to the child than the foster family. They moved two kids that didn't want to be moved, that we wanted to keep, whose parents wanted us to keep (until they could go home), because the worker was incompetent, and we reported her. So they moved the kids. I cry when I read the paperwork on it still, and it's been 10 years. And that worker that was "more important" than us? Left the agency a few months later. In the intervening years, both kids have moved homes 3 times, and had numerous workers.

But in that case (it was two sisters), both have made FB contact with me in recent years, and both want to keep our relationship going.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

We were also told at the first agency that the sw is more important to the child than the foster family.

We worked with an agency for a while that had that philosophy also. Basically, their argument was that foster families come and go for these children, but the social worker assigned to the child nearly always stays the same. They said some kids have the same social worker over ten year periods in the system, while at the same time having as many as ten, eleven, twelve foster homes.

What I noticed at the agency was this:

When social workers have the attitude that they're what is most important to a child, they are less likely to think twice about moving the child for any reason whatsoever. So then the child is moved, and this reinforces the belief that the social worker is most important because foster parents come and go. And so the cycle continues.

Also, social workers have way too high a turnover rate to count on them as the sole stability for the child. Sure, I have definitely known social workers who have done the work for 10...20...30 years. I have also had one of my children go through three or four social workers in a year because of social workers getting out of the field.

[phathui5]

mistakes i have made....
telling the caseworkers too much

Can you share what you told them that was a mistake? We're just starting the process for foster care and I do tend to be very open.