Is It OK for my grandson to call me mama

[illinoisgranny]

I've had GS "L" in my care for 22 months. When he first came to stay with me he used to call me mama or mom frequently and my DD would freak out so I would tell him to call me nana or granny, grandma, anything but mom/mama.

Now he is 4 years old and has recently starting calling me "mama" quite a bit. He saw DD last week for only an hour at a CW supervised visit and this week his visit was canceled (see my post on Visit ranting). I'm wondering if he is using "mama" more because he hasn't seen her much lately?

"L" is a love bug and hugs me often. He loves to sit on my lap when we watch TV. I love him to pieces and don't want to hurt his feelings. Should I continue to correct him or just let him call me mama?

[Dingletwitz]

I would leave it be. The kid uses the word to signify an important woman in his world who cares for him. Kids use mama randomly--mine called grandma mama a few times and of course my mother cried and loved her even more. I didn't mind--after all, I get to be the mommy all the time. In your position, I wouldn't set it up; i.e. "come to mama" type things, but I wouldn't correct him either.

[JudiAU]

I'd let him call you whatever he wants but I don't think you should ever refer to yourself that way. if the subject comes up, you emphasize your correct relationship, you introduce yourself that way to others, you clarify in public if someone is confused, including if he is present. But again, i don't think you have to correct. He has one mama, and she doesn't sound like she is doing her job. And good luck.

[Polliwog]

I wouldn't correct him at all. It's really common for children in foster care to call their foster parents Mommy/Mama/Daddy/whatever. It's perfectly normal, you are the mother in your home. My soon-to-be-adopted daughter called me either Mommy or Mama from the time she started talking. That's what my son called me so that's what she heard. And my (adopted) son used to call every woman mommy when he came to live with me. So that's what he called me. Then he started using that for me almost exclusively. He now calls his birth mother by her first name and me either Mama or Mommy.

[Mylie]

I am in the same situation...

My granddaughter L turned 3 on Sunday..She calls me mommy/mama..I have had custody of her since she was 2 months old..Her mother and my son(her dad) don't like it at all..She has started calling her mom mommy some of the time when she visits..And I stress when she visits..She could go 3-4 months and then all of a sudden show up on my doorstep and want to see her..I always welcome her in unless she is cut up or has lice or other dangerous situations I fear could harm L...

L calling me mommy doesn't concern me at all..I know that she will as she gets older know the whole score of who I am and who her parents are..I will let her decide what to call me whether it is mom,grandma or mim(the name I called myself before I took her fulltime).I just tell my son and his girlfriend that it is normal and natural and as she gets older she will figure it out..But I also tell them that if they came around more she would be more apt to call them mommy and daddy..She calls my son by his first name still no matter how many times we may say daddy.

I wouldn't worry about it..This is how he is processing the how and why's..You are his world right now and if it makes him feel secure to call you mommy I wouldn't mess with it at all..He knows he has another mommy and he will decide as he gets older if he wants to start calling you grandma again.

As one grandma raising a grandbaby to another you are a fantastic person and you are doing a wonderful thing stepping in for your child...And you are right about having to let your child do their own thing..I learned a long time ago that my first priority had to be to the baby because my son is an adult.I can't help him anymore but I can this baby.

Kudos to you

[illinoisgranny]

I had a visit today from our community mental health worker who will be doing home visits for my GS. She agreed with all of you and said he's just respecting my role as a mother and I've been more a mother to him than my DD who is the birth mom. It's really going to be odd if I ever get to adopt him. Then he'd legally be my son and his mom would legally be his sister....weird. But those are just titles, not relationships. When he is old enough to understand I'll tell him what he needs to know in ways that are age appropriate. Thanks everyone for your replies.