reverse psychology?

[MamaRuga]

Is it a bad thing to use if it works? My 2.5 yo DD needs SO MUCH to do things on her terms. Getting dressed, doing her hair, going potty.... The minute that I tell her that it is time to do something she immediately responds negatively. But, if I say "we are not going to get dressed now" she just can't get dressed fast enough!

My husband thinks this is a bad idea because she is learning that it is ok to not follow our direction. He is probably right. But I am so frustrated trying to get her to do just about anything and the reverse psychology works so quickly and easily, it is hard to not use it.

I haven't found anything else that works so consistently. I try the playful approach, redirection, modeling what I want, incentives, I've even resorted to time outs. She is *SO* independent and contrary that they only work about 3% of the time. I know that is is partly just the developmental stage she is in, but it is also partly her temperament.

I just think that telling her not to do something that HAS to be done in order to get it done is more gentle than holding her down and forcing her to do it when nothing else works.

Is this a bad idea? Is there anything else that could work?

[LynnS6]

See, I consider reverse psychology part of Playful Parenting. Maybe it's because I'm incapable of doing it without a smile in my voice.

It'll work for about another 6 months. Then she'll get wise to it. But by that time, she'll be old enough for other things to work. I found that Playful Parenting didn't really work until about 3. The ideas in How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen started to work about 3 or 4.

[crowcaw]

We used it at that age a lot (and it's still effective at almost 5 for some things) but in a very very playful manner. They knew it was a game but definitely wanted to play. Another playful thing along the same vain was doing things to surprise people -- surprise Daddy by getting buckled up before he gets in the car, clean up the toys before Daddy gets home, etc, and then the surprise-ee is SO surprised. I see no harm as long as it's done playfully.

[EdnaMarie]

Lynn, btw, playful parenting has changed our lives, you suggested it and it's awesome.

I think reverse psychology works if it's used VERY rarely and only when I act serious. It has to be a real battle: "But I don't WANT to fly through the windsheild and get smashed into the pavement!" "Young lady, if you buckle up, I'm serious, no park!" "Too bad, I'm buckled! TOO BAD!" It's ridiculous. But at least it gets done.

I would avoid using it most of the time. Anyway she doesn't listen (or wasn't listening... things are so much better now) anyway so it's not like I had to teach her not to. She already knew how not to listen. I just had to ride out the storm, LOL!