My dream ended today..........

[tireesix]

Its not all bad or anything but I feel pretty glum about it all.

DD1 is 6 and DD2 is 4 and DD3 is nearly 2. We planned on home schooling them all, we were in fact home schooling but this year has been a mess. The step son came to stay last November and left in June but he was so behind on everything, had undiagnosed Dyslexia which had been misdiagnosed as him being a 'problem child' and he required so much. We had to walk him through EVERYTHING and I mean, EVERYTHING, whatever you can think of, we had to tell him how to do it, his mum insisted on us schooling him at home as well and in the end we all suffered. He took up all our time and the girls were neglected and all for nothing.

On top of that, DH and I both got worse health wise this year, so, we have put the girls in school, today was their first day! They loved it! And I am really happy for them, but I am disappointed in myself and I wish things could have been different but with DH and I up to the eyeballs in medication etc and in so much pain it just wasn't going to happen and I guess I have to accept that............

I am kinda scared now, DH has sleep disorders and my Fibro makes me exhausted ALL the time. I am scared of waking up to find I haven't woken up in time for school, scared of just being too tired and sore to get them into school and we have no one to help us. I have just registered as disabled (well in the process) so maybe we will get more help then I don't know. We are in the UK and we have tried social services, they didn't want to know, we have asked doctors, family workers etc for help and nothing has come of it. Just kinda stuck. It was one of the reasons we started home schooling in the first place (I was told pre children there was nothing wrong with me and I would get better, we knew DH wouldn't get better, anyway, post children I was finally diagnosed with Fibro and EDS and told I wouldn't get better, we decided to home school at that point because it was manageable then and we wouldn't have to worry about picking them up from school etc (we don't drive either, no friends, no family near by). I never considered the possibility of us reaching a point where we would get too ill to continue.

Its all so lonely here right now which is probably why this has turned into an essay........

[kathymuggle]

Your kids are very young. There is a good possibility the stars will align and you will get to HS in the future - it just isn't today.

I hope you and your DH feel better soon.

[34me]

I would try and make some contacts with the school for friends/neighbors/classmates that can stop in on the way to school and make sure your kiddos are ready to go. Same can be used on the way home if your not able to fetch them.

I agree with the pp too. As the kiddos get older they can always come home too.

[Heavenly]

I think the key is to remember it is not about you, it is about them. I had the ideal that I wanted to homeschool but the ideal and reality are not always the same thing. I also have severe fibromyalgia and it is just impossible for me to homeschool. But guess what? The kids love school. They are thriving there. You said your kids are thrilled, so be happy in that! And support them and don't let them get caught up in your emotions. Again, it's about them. They are happy, so just let it go. JMHO.

And regards to getting everyone to school on time I have sleep disorder as well as my fibro and that is what an alarm clock is for. It is a lot better to get them all off to school and then have time to rest and rejuvinate so that I can be a better mom when they are home. If you can't be up in the mornings then who would be watching your very young children if you were homeschooling? Would they just be left to fend for themselves? That is not an enriching or safe environment for them.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

. It is a lot better to get them all off to school and then have time to rest and rejuvinate so that I can be a better mom when they are home. If you can't be up in the mornings then who would be watching your very young children if you were homeschooling? Would they just be left to fend for themselves? That is not an enriching or safe environment for them.

Bolding mine.....the bolded part is not necessarily true. I have Hsed and schooled kids and I found getting them up early in the morning and off to school fairly exhausting. HSing was easier in that regard - we all got up later had a leisurely start to our day.

I am NOT saying this to try and convince the Op to Hs - it is her family and her call - just saying that mornings in our house are easier when we HS.

On to other topics....does the bus pick up right outside the door?

Several years ago I had kids in school but no bussing. We lived just under 1 kilometer away (the cut-off point). It was bitterly cold, my car would not start, and the kids missed school due to lack of bussing. The first day I simply called them in sick - the next day I laid it on the line - my car was not working and I was not going to walk 2 kilometers round trip twice a day with my youngest ( then a toddler ) in the bitter cold. They were missing school due to bussing. I had bussing in 24 hours. Be honest with the school bus people about your fibro and ability to get the kids to the bus and maybe you can get closer bussing or some such thing. Good luck!

[Lisa1970]

I went through this last year. I ended up bawling the first day. By the Christmas, I withdrew half my children from the public schools and by the end of the year, withdrew the rest of them. Now only my high schoolers are in. Last year was one big long traumatic year. But this year is better.

What happens today does not have to be permanent. I am sure your home, your homeschool, will always be open to your students returning.

((((hugs))))

[tireesix]

I am happy for them and I am happy that we managed to find a nice school and I am really glad they enjoy it!!!!! I know its not about me which is the reason we got them into school in the first place.

When we were homeschooling, we did just have a more leisurely morning. I use an alarm clock, but I sleep through it, we were late this morning because I slept through my alarm clock as did DH. Its not just about the fatigue either, I also have EDS, joints dislocate in the night, waking up in the morning is pure agony a lot of the time, then of course there is the medication I am taking which can knock me out (although not necessarily when I want it too and makes waking up even harder). Walking to the school and back really hurts and then I am done in for the day. With my fibro I either go through periods like this where I might get 6 hours sleep if I am lucky (thats with sleeping tablets, morphine etc and find it difficult to wake as a result, I simply do not get to sleep before 2 am OR I am asleep for up to 18 hours a day and no one can wake me up, DH has a real hard time during these episodes).

Buses don't stop outside the door and because the school isn't the closest one, we aren't entitled to help with school travel ie buses etc (its the next closest, the closest school was simply too big and the girls have health issues so Iw anted them to be in a small class so they could be watched carefully).

When the girls came back from school yesterday and were so happy I knew we made the right decision, for them and for us but it doesn't stop it from being hard. They didn't stop talking, they love their teachers and the children at the school (although DD1 said she doesn't like having to listen, mainly because listening involves being quiet and she is a right old chatterbox). DD1 and DD2 also have an issue with stammering because they have EDS too, the school we chose has a speech therapy centre attached and all the teachers know how to deal with and help our daughters speech issues. We could do so much but we were finding DD1 was refusing to read because it meant talking out loud, I mean, she doesn't stop talking but she seems to find it difficult when she is being focused on like that.

I am simply terrified of things going wrong because of my health and DH's health. I don't want the girls to be late for school because I simply wasn't able to get up or because I couldn't even make it to the bus stop. I just don't want to mess things up for them because I love them, because I want the best for them and because this is something they really want and really love................

[LynnS6]

What about getting alarm clocks for the girls? Set them for about 1/2 hour before you need to, and tell them that if you're not up, they can come get you. That will give YOU an extra 1/2 to get yourself moving and get everyone out the door.

Also, pack absolutely everything the night before. Lay out their clothes (I'm assuming they're in uniforms, so that should be easy). If you have to pack a lunch or snack, do that the night before and store it in the fridge.

You might also want to see if you can alternate with your dh in getting the kids to school. That would mean that one of you could have a day to lie in while the other got up and got them moving.

[tireesix]

Well its been a week and half, I spend my mornings crying in pain, half an hour with IBS on the bog and still not relieved and then I stumble to and from school. I am now, after one trip, essentially stuck in bed.

Still sleeoing through alarm clocks.

Still sucking and still getting no hope. We might have to withdraw them simply ebcause this is hitting DH and me REAL hard because of our physical problems and yet, at the same time, we can't educate them at home anymore......

So what can we do??????

It was bad before the schoolt hing, I get to bath, once a week because I can't handle more, my legs are going weaker with each passing day, my legs went beneath me today and I squashed the baby.

I am so scared. We are muddling hrough but with huge doses of morphine etc. Gqah....... So much to 'lie=fe will be easier once the girls are in school'. I am looking forward to the holidays more than the kids are.

The girls by the way still absolutely love school!!!!!!!!!!!! Which is fantastic but the school is finding dairy free, vegetarian meal a problem (typical).

[pianojazzgirl]

Have you yet tried to network with other parents in the neighbourhood who's kids go to the same school? Can you call the school and ask for help doing that? Maybe at least then you could arrange someone (or several people on rotation) who could bring your kids to and from school.

To make things as simple as possible in the morning I suggest having the kids sleep in their school clothes, have simple breakfasts that the kids can serve themselves (cereal, etc), have a pictoral list of everything that needs to be done before school that the kids can follow themselves. Then, like a pp suggested, get alarm clocks for the kids, let them get themselves ready as much as they can and they can let you sleep in a bit more and wake you as needed.

As well, I suggest speaking to both of their teachers to explain the situation so that they will understand if the girls are late on any given day. Also, maybe you could get some assignments sent home early (like at the end of the day the teacher also sends home whatever worksheets the girls will be working on the following day) so that in case you are too sick to take them to school the next day they'll have something to work on at home.

Good luck mama. Keep us updated on how it's going.

[hippiechickinsing]

Could you find a mother's helper to come in to get the girls up, ready and off to school? When we were in uni, my friend did this for a couple who had to leave the house very early. She would arrive just as the parents left, wake the kids at an appropriate time, help them get dressed and ready, feed them breakfast and walk them to school. Perhaps a similar arrangement could work for you.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by hippiechickinsing

Could you find a mother's helper to come in to get the girls up, ready and off to school?

I think this is your best option. If you have a spare room, you might even consider an aupair.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl

Have you yet tried to network with other parents in the neighbourhood who's kids go to the same school? Can you call the school and ask for help doing that? Maybe at least then you could arrange someone (or several people on rotation) who could bring your kids to and from school.

To make things as simple as possible in the morning I suggest having the kids sleep in their school clothes, have simple breakfasts that the kids can serve themselves (cereal, etc), have a pictoral list of everything that needs to be done before school that the kids can follow themselves. Then, like a pp suggested, get alarm clocks for the kids, let them get themselves ready as much as they can and they can let you sleep in a bit more and wake you as needed.

As well, I suggest speaking to both of their teachers to explain the situation so that they will understand if the girls are late on any given day. Also, maybe you could get some assignments sent home early (like at the end of the day the teacher also sends home whatever worksheets the girls will be working on the following day) so that in case you are too sick to take them to school the next day they'll have something to work on at home.

Good luck mama. Keep us updated on how it's going.

I have a 6 and a 4 year old and they can really do a lot for themselves.

[DariusMom]

Pianojazzgirl makes some great suggestions.

Also, if I'm remembering correctly from previous posts you've made, you're in the UK, right? Are there any social services that could click in to help you?

Hang in there.

[blessedwithboys]

Hi OP! I can totally feel your whole post. My first big fibro-flare happened when ds1 was in Kindy. There were some other issues with the teacher not respecting our personal beliefs, so about 75% of the way through the term, I pulled him out. It was rough. I would lay on the couch and he would do workbooks on the coffee table and I was only half-awake. That was the year he learned how to make a PB&J, otherwise he may not have gotten lunch every day.

A few years later I found a good doctor who made the diagnosis I had been suspecting "official" and you know what worked for me to practically reverse the pain and insomnia? Amitriptyline. 50mg every evening at 5pm. I had almost zero symptoms withing a month. I've been off it for the last year because I can't afford an office visit (the Rx is only $4/mo) and I am doing very poorly right now. You might wish to see if you can get it in the UK.

Our current schooling situation is pretty good. My kids go to a small (700 kids) charter school. It goes from Pre-K to 12th grade, which is great because they are far apart in grades and I will never have to worry about taking them to different schools every morning. I really have a hard time getting up in the morning, and so does ds1. He will probably get the Fibro dx in the next year or two. Anyway, what works for us is just to do as much as possible the night before. Do UK schools serve breakfast? Most US schools, at least around here do, and it's usually free for all students. Here in the States, most school food is not at all healthy, but it may be a trade-off you are willing to make at this point in time. If they can get school breakfast and lunch, that will save you so much time and trouble. Lay out clothes the night before and put shoes and backpacks by the door, too. Get them to bed as early as possible. My kids take 1mg of melatonin, or they won't fall asleep before 2am.

I know it isn't easy, and I won't insult you by saying it's as simple as setting an alarm clock. I set my cell phone for 5:30am, 6am, and then 6:30am, which is when I finally get up. We have to be out the door at 7:35 or they are late for the 8am bell. We are late at least once a week. We were late today. LOL My 15yo ds, the one with early-stage Fibro, sets his alarm for 6 or 6:30 and then proceeds to sleep while it beeps away on the his headboard. And my 8yo needs to be physically lifted from his bed, or he just keeps on sleeping, even with the lamp shining in his face. This morning, I said SCREW IT!and sent them off without packing lunch. I just couldn't do it today (they'll be fine, they will have tacos at school).

So I guess I just rambled without saying much of anything helpful, but at least you will know you aren't alone. I had big plans for today that got scrapped the moment I woke up this morning and realized I felt like crap. So today is a surf-the-internet-and-take-a-long-nap day. Best wishes!

[lilyka]

I know this thread is old but I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. (((hugs))) Have things gotten any better.

If you and your husband are both very ill (and two of your children) such that you cannot properly care for you children (it sounds like you are physically incapable of getting them to school or homeschooling them. I am not saying this to be harsh, your limitations are not from lack of trying, they are just limitations) I really think you need to look into getting some household help. You are very very sick and it is ok to get help. Someone to help the children off to school in the morning, and maybe even do some cooking and cleaning, someone to pick them up from school. Do you have social services available? What do other families with very sick parents do?