Flakey sitter... *sigh*

[texmati]

What do you do when you sitter needs time off/sick time? My sitter just texted and said that she needed some 'personal time' this week, she doesn't know when, but she's definitely not coming in tomorrow.

She's great with our son, they have ton's of fun together-- but this is really tough for us to work around. Both of us could take a sick day; but between my Dr's appts, 3 days that she's needed off in the last few months, and my own legitamate sick days it seems excessive. If it is just tomorrow, it won't be so bad, but how can I call in sick tomorrow, and some other day this week with no notice? This is not even counting my already scheduled prenatals this week.

I don't want to get a new nanny, because this would be the second nanny we've had in a year for DS.

[Sierra]

When I used to nanny, my contract specified the number of sick days I was allowed (one per month). But that was actually a paid sick day.

I think it is important to have backup care if at all possible. My dw does childcare for a friend a couple days a week, and once last year dw got really sick and had to "call in." She felt awful about having to do it. Other times she worked while sick, if it wasn't bad enough that she couldn't stand up (she always warned our friends she was sick), which also increased the germ sharing. What she said was that she was going to be spending the day caring for our kids anyway, so she might as well...but in actuality, she just couldn't bring herself to let down our friends. I imagine on those days she wasn't the best childcare provider. I know when I am sick, my care for my kids is really safety-based and otherwise very hands-off.

I think it helps everyone so much, and is so much healthier, when childcare providers don't feel like they have to work sick. That said, that's really different than needing "personal days." I think that isn't worth one day off a month, from your perspective. Maybe an allowance for three of those per year or something, with at least 24 hour notice??

What is your own sick day situation at work?

[One_Girl]

I am just using sitters right now, not a nanny, but I have four lined up that I can use if one of them has other obligations. There is also a very expensive sitter service (which costs more than I make) and two cheap drop in daycares with semi-reasonable hourly rates that I can use in a bind in town that I could use if I can't take a sick day. Many daycares have drop in care so lining a few up that will take him if a slot opens may be worth it if you get to a place where it is your job or a day in a center.

[lolar2]

Double-check with your and your DH's employers about whether they have some kind of subsidized backup care benefit. DH's employer has this and the person at HR did NOT automatically tell him about it; we had to ask.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by Sierra

I think it helps everyone so much, and is so much healthier, when childcare providers don't feel like they have to work sick. That said, that's really different than needing "personal days." I think that isn't worth one day off a month, from your perspective. Maybe an allowance for three of those per year or something, with at least 24 hour notice??

What is your own sick day situation at work?

I agree about sick days (for everyone! not just childcare-ers). I just assumed that if she was sick, one of us would be able to take a sick day and take care of DS.

But... in the past month... She's been sick once-- she also had to take off to take care of her mom, which we understand. She also had to schedule a meeting with her advisor. I wouldn't mind so much except we really need more notice than a day (or even two).

For this one-- she said that she needed some personal time this week, that she definitely wouldn't be in tomorrow, and she'd let us know about the rest of the week. Even though we are her employers, I really feel in a bind-- it's difficult to find back up care with such short notice (which is why I was wondering what other's did). And it's really hard for me to 'call in sick' when I have no idea of why or how long she might be out.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Double-check with your and your DH's employers about whether they have some kind of subsidized backup care benefit. DH's employer has this and the person at HR did NOT automatically tell him about it; we had to ask.

ooh! DH works for a large company with decent benefits-- do you have any idea about how this works? That they pay some portion of a back up sitter, or actually provide care?

DS has never been to care outside the house, and 11 mos, I don't feel comfortable dropping him off somewhere unfamiliar.

I guess the best thing would be to find a few sitters that I can call.

[lolar2]

DH's employer is part of a program called Backup Care Options, which is run by Bright Horizons, but I assume others have a similar business model. You call them and tell them when and why you need backup care (such as "regular nanny can't make it" or "school is not in session") and then you have a choice as to whether to take the child to the local Bright Horizons Backup center, which costs the employee $2 an hour, or have a nanny or sitter come, for $4 an hour-- the employer picks up the rest of the tab. DH gets 100 hours per year of this and of course we have to use it for work, not for going out on an evening date or something.

Some employers also have their own backup care but I don't know a lot about how that works. And of course many employers don't provide it. But if your DH's benefits are otherwise good, as you say, it's possible that it might exist there.

[Quinalla]

Can you address it with her for the future? I understand emergencies and sickness will happen with no notice and that is totally fine, but when it is something she can plan for ahead of time, she needs to give you X amount of notice (I personally would want at least 1 week of notice, but if less is ok with you, whatever works) that she needs time off. After you address it, if she still continues being flaky, I would start looking for a new sitter honestly, or make peace with it and accept it. I would definitely try to find a backup sitter though for sure either way.

[CarrieMF]

3 days that she's needed off in the last few months

If this week is abnormal & she's only needed 3 days off in a few months then I wouldn't consider her to be flakey.

Everyone should have a back up sitter or a plan on what to do in cases like this. The plan could b

It's not her fault you've had to take time off work for prenatals or legit sick days.

Does your work not have personal days that you can take?

IF she is trying to get appointments I could see how she may not know which days yet.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

If this week is abnormal & she's only needed 3 days off in a few months then I wouldn't consider her to be flakey.

Everyone should have a back up sitter or a plan on what to do in cases like this. The plan could b

It's not her fault you've had to take time off work for prenatals or legit sick days.

Does your work not have personal days that you can take?

IF she is trying to get appointments I could see how she may not know which days yet.

Sorry-- that should really say in the last month. ITA, though that the prenatal are not her fault, I'm just trying to say that my origional plan of just takeing off sick when ever she took off sick is not entirely workable. I always expected that there would be days when she could not work.

Well... I did end up leaving a message on her phone last night, but no response. I have no idea if she's going to show tomorrow or not; not to mention the rest of the week. We are officially looking for a new sitter.


In good news, apperantly DH's work *does* have subsidized back up care. I don't know the knitty gritty, but I do have a call in to the agency. This should hopefully relieve some of the panic next time this happens.

[lolar2]

Yay! I can't tell you what a huge difference it makes to us to have that.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Yay! I can't tell you what a huge difference it makes to us to have that.

I know, I'm so excited. I think our sitter is totally AWOL, i haven't heard anything from her since this weekend.

We called the backup care people-- the agency doesn't seem terrible professional; and can't find anyone for tomorrow. They are still looking for thurs and friday, and I'm in the process of interviewing other nannies.

I don't think a daycare would be a good fit for my son, but I didn't expect such a turnover in nannies.

[texmati]

and thank you so much lolar for the tip!!! I really feel it will make next time much easier!

[ihugtrees]

I have been a nanny for several years and have frequently heard from parents that their past nannies have been unreliable. A few suggestions for you now, while you are in the hiring process:

1) Be sure you are paying fairly for the work you are expecting. People who make a decent wage & are treated well by their employers want to please them. I go to work even when my allergies make my head feel like it's going to explode because I love the family I work for and don't want to put them in a bind. I volunteer to make up hours we missed because of a holiday on another day (they pay me weekly even if there is a holiday so this is totally voluntary on my part.) It's just a fact that low paying jobs have high turnover rates because there isn't much invested in it.

2) Write up a 'nanny agreement' (you can Google) that specifies sick/personal days, as well as talks about giving advance notice for days off, etc. My contract specifies that I need 12 hours notice if parents want me to come early or stay late more than 15 minutes. I also give 12 (usually much more!) hours notice if I cannot make it. Modify your contract to say whatever you need (ie, days off that are not for illness need to be discussed x days in advance.)

3) Call references, & ask if the person you are interviewing is reliable. How many days did they ask for off, how many did they miss for illness, etc.

4) Ask for a 6 month or 1 year commitment, but stipulate that this begins after a 30 or 60 day trial, so you can see how it goes at first.

I'm sorry your sitter bailed. I would never, ever bail without an explanation. I don't understand how someone could do that, but lots of recent sick days probably means she was looking for another job.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by ihugtrees

I have been a nanny for several years and have frequently heard from parents that their past nannies have been unreliable. A few suggestions for you now, while you are in the hiring process:

1) Be sure you are paying fairly for the work you are expecting. People who make a decent wage & are treated well by their employers want to please them. I go to work even when my allergies make my head feel like it's going to explode because I love the family I work for and don't want to put them in a bind. I volunteer to make up hours we missed because of a holiday on another day (they pay me weekly even if there is a holiday so this is totally voluntary on my part.) It's just a fact that low paying jobs have high turnover rates because there isn't much invested in it.

2) Write up a 'nanny agreement' (you can Google) that specifies sick/personal days, as well as talks about giving advance notice for days off, etc. My contract specifies that I need 12 hours notice if parents want me to come early or stay late more than 15 minutes. I also give 12 (usually much more!) hours notice if I cannot make it. Modify your contract to say whatever you need (ie, days off that are not for illness need to be discussed x days in advance.)

3) Call references, & ask if the person you are interviewing is reliable. How many days did they ask for off, how many did they miss for illness, etc.

4) Ask for a 6 month or 1 year commitment, but stipulate that this begins after a 30 or 60 day trial, so you can see how it goes at first.

I'm sorry your sitter bailed. I would never, ever bail without an explanation. I don't understand how someone could do that, but lots of recent sick days probably means she was looking for another job.

Thanks for the tips! Our other mother's helper was excellent, but lived far a way. She switched jobs to a place closer and had more hours than we could provide. I think what you say is true-- we've had problems with her from the very beginning. Looking back, she was late to the interview, was late a few hours quite a few times etc. We just over looked it-- she seemed so confident, and had a great rapport with DS from the very beginning. We will definitley be smarter next time around.