Does It Get Easier As They Get Older??

[weezix]

We have 5 (soon to be 6) kids under the age of 6. It's so hectic. I'm SO exhausted. The noise in my house overwhelms me. I find myself angry and crying that there is SO much to do and none of the kids are old enough to actually help.

Is it just hard to have that many kids? Or is it that my kids are so close in age? Does it really get easier as they get older and can help more and there isn't so much screaming and crying and getting up at night?

It's been a really hard couple weeks. Usually it's OK all things considering. I just wish I had some ideas of how to make things go a little less crazy in here.

[pbjmama]

I'm sure having so many and so close together contributes to how hard it is. This week one our preschool teachers saw me having a hard time with my 2 and told me that the ages of 6 to 12 are lovely years! Anyway, part of it is probably pregnancy, perhaps you are depressed, and of course you are totally overwhelmed caring for your children. Do they have small chores that they help with? My kids are 2 and 4, they do trash, compost, some laundry, vacumming, stuff like that.

[cdahlgrd]

Yes and no. The kids can help more, but you will have more to do also. Sorry.

Can you get a little help? Perhaps a neighbor or a friend to come over and fold laundry and visit with you? THat can make a world of difference.

[Drummer's Wife]

I dunno - in a lot of ways I think it gets harder; but there are some aspects that get easier. I have four kids all 2 years apart (now ages 3, 5, 7, and 9). The noise level in my home is louder, I'd say, as they've gotten bigger and more vocal. I'd welcome a baby's cry now over my 9 yo hollering at her brother, or the 3 yo tantruming. They are busy, active kids - but they do entertain themselves quite a bit better as they've gotten older. That may be in part b/c there are four of them - always someone to play with. That also means someone to fight with!

For me, I love babies and toddlers - so I'm sure that is why I find it more challenging to deal with older kids. I can handle frequent night-time nursings better than a back-talking full of attitude pre-teen.

Anyhow, I hope you don't feel so overwhelmed sometime soon! I imagine with almost 6 kids so close together that is an almost constant feeling. I do think the less physically needy they become, you'll likely feel some relief. They'll just stimulate you more mentally and emotionally, yk?

Hang in there . I would like 1-2 more myself, chaos and all!

[~cassie]

I only have 3 and am always wondering when it gets easier. I've found that since I have my oldest in full time school, and the 2 youngest in part time school it is a bit easier. My kids are very busy, very active, fight constantly, and can be quite frusturating.

[kaur]

I read your post and while I'm not in the same situation (I have one dd) I often ask my Mom who raised 5 kids (4 under the age of 4 years at one stage) how she did it?....believe me I had a whole new level of respect for her after I had my little one. So I can't share too many tips but what I do remember as her saving grace was dropping off all the laundry at the local laundromat once a week and picking it up a day or two later...money was TIGHT but she was very frugal with other things to make this happen. I think she knew it saved her sanity.

You need to bite off a chunk at a time...work out where the big wins are for you and don't sweat the small stuff.

[Sharlla]

mine oldest 2 are 5.5 years apart and they fight just as much as ny bro and sisdid who are 18 months apart. 7 was a pretty good age for ds1. 3-5 was the worst
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[dollyanna]

Yes, yes, yes. Sounds like a really hard job! I only have a teenager & 2 year old daughter to go off of - I only happened upon this post because it was in the general area when I logged in - but I'd say the ages of 7-12 were relatively easier. Teen years are a whole different story, but teenagers at least sleep a lot & can feed themselves if they have to

[pregnant@40]

Wow, lots of kids. But yet, it gets easier once all of them are in school. The early dependent years are the hardest.

(disclaimer: this opinion comes from someone who hasn't yet experienced the teen years!)

[Alyantavid]

I think grade school and preschool aged kids are easier than babies and toddlers, but things aren't magically easy once they reach a certain age. Some aspects are easier and some are harder.

[The4OfUs]

I think the chaos and needing you factors will get easier as they get older. You'll get other issues, but at least the chaos and housework stuff will get easier, so long as you bring them up to be doing chores with you...we started around 4 yrs old, and the kids do a fair amount here now at 6 and 4. And I'm pretty sure that once they get closer to 5, 6 and older they won't be nightwaking much.

On the other hand, the volume level may not change. That's just a lot of bodies at very similar ages in one space, so I wouldn't ever count on any quiet really.

I can't even imagine - I have 2 very boisterous kids, 6 and 4. I cannot imagine having 2 more in the 0-4 range right now.....my hat is off to you for facing any day at all.

[mommajb]

It changes. 6-12 yo might be easier than the rest. The worries change. The physically-taxing bit changes. I think you trade one for the other.

It gets easier if the rest of your life is running smoothly.

I also think hard work now pays off in making the later years less trouble.

[bobandjess99]

6 kids under 6?

Uh....why yes, I do think that having so many, and so close together, is definitely contributing to your issues.

In some ways it does get easier, they get more independent, you get done with breastfeeding and diapers and constant night-waking.....but in some ways the challenges just change. You get homework battles, crazy schedules, teenage moodiness, etc.

[velochic]

Goodness. TBH, I don't know how it will ever get easier. Each stage is different. For the young ones, it's a matter of not having good communication skills, and then later it's a battle of wills when they try to gain independence, then the years of puberty, then the teen years. It sounds like you are wrung out. I am thinking that you probably don't breastfeed (because of the age-spacing, NFP wouldn't result in that) but that might help with this new baby. Breastfeeding releases "feel good" hormones and it helps to calm a mother. I have an only, but I know there are tribes around here for large families. Perhaps you can get some sound advice in those tribes. I have to take my hat off to you... I have one and that was quite deliberate because I know I need my alone time/quiet time. I couldn't do what you are doing. Give yourself some credit for just being there. Good luck!

[weezix]

actually i did breastfeed...and STILL got pregnant. i dont breastfeed anymore because the youngest is 2.5. 2 of the kids are step kids but they are here Thursdays to Sundays every week. So..most of the time.

[EFmom]

I've got two kids, but I don't think it gets easier at all. It gets harder. Mine are each involved in a few outside activities and lessons. Between getting the loathsome homework done and getting to ballet/tae kwon do/violin/flute/gymnastics, getting showered and ready for the next day, my nights are insane.

Plus, once you hit the pre-teen/teen stuff you'll be nostalgic for the little kid stuff. I make my kids help, but they fight me every inch. Sometimes I don't think it's worth the fight.

[gaudynight]

I hope it gets easier! I find myself longing for a time when they'll all be able to wipe themselves and sleep through the night - and yet I want at least one more? Maybe I'm crazy.

But I hear you on the chaos, the noise, and just the unendingness of it all.

Maybe it doesn't get easier and it just gets different?

[cdahlgrd]

Originally Posted by gaudynight

I find myself longing for a time when they'll all be able to wipe themselves and sleep through the night

Maybe it doesn't get easier and it just gets different?

Well, they wipe, but they leave their incredibly smelly socks turned into balls in the laundry! And sleep. . . well. .. . my 9 y.o. is up later than me and the twins are up earlier. . . . sigh.

The nice part, you can leave the house for a walk around the block without fear of them starting it on fire or getting arrested for leaving them alone for 5 minutes (at least the older ones). And sometimes I can sneak in a nap with the baby if I let the older boys watch a movie!

[weezix]

thats what i hear...that it doesn't get easier, it just gets different. it really IS easier than when my three were all just babies and i was a single mom. its easier now that most of them can actually dress themselves - even though they still like me to do it. i really think all the crying and clingyness is the hardest part for now...it will be easier for me when i dont have them following me around and crying at my leg all the time

[LynnS6]

Well, I can't speak to the 6 kids under 6 issues, but for my 2, it's definitely gotten easier as they get older.

Ds (9) wanted to play baseball with me today. Usually I oblige. But tomorrow I'm giving a garage sale. I spent 12 hours in the garage cleaning things out. I didn't have time after dinner to play with him. I won't tomorrow because of the sale. I said "I'm sorry honey, but I'll promise to play with you on Sunday." He was a little disappointed, but he was OK with it!

Dd (6) is a bit more challenging still, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. She's had dental issues, and we've recently had to crack down on making sure she brushes her teeth twice a day (she'd been skipping one time). Two days ago, she was whining "I don't waaant to brush my teeth." I said back, "and I don't want to pay for more dental work!" "Oh, fine." And she's done it without complaint since! I don't know how long it'll last, but I'll take what I can get.

For you, you need some help. When my mom had 3 under 3, she had help. When my grandma had 5 under 6, she had help. Not every day, not all the time. But enough to lighten some of the burden.