Feeling really guilty.

[mama to 2 girls]

I just started officially "schooling" my dd, who will be 6 yrs. old in a few days and I was really looking foward to unschooling her....just letting her take the lead and right now I am just so discouraged.....

DD1 has lots of cousins and second cousins and everyone around her is going to actual school, even her 4yr. old second cousin started pre-school. She keeps saying that she wants to go to "real" school. I do have a workbook that I purchased that another homeschooling mama recommended but I never really planned on using it. But now that she hears everyone around her talk about school all she can say is "but I like learning". So now I have cracked open the workbook and have been trying to work with her in it everyday. I know she has learned a lot without even trying. She can do addition and subtraction already and we have yet to even look at a math worksheet.

I have been trying to think of ways to show her that will make her realize that "real" school is not as much fun as she thinks it is without making her look down on "real" school.

Has anyone else ever come across this obstacle? And if you did, any helpful hints or wise words? Right now I am just feeling really depressed and guilty that I am depriving her of something.

FWIW I decided to go ahead and join a local HSing group and I have her signed up for all the field trips and they are even starting a volunteer parent taught art class. Also I put her into a HSing class that our aquarium does once a month.

I just don't want to her to think that I am keeping her from something.

[Dar]

I think joining the homeschooling group will help a lot, especially if she meets some slightly older kids there who are happily homeschooling or unschooling.

I'd also focus on what she *can* do, not on what she'll be missing. She'll be learning things at the aquarium, and at art class... what else might she like? How about some easy at-home science experiments (google Krampf for some online)? Maybe some math games would be fun? Letting her take the lead is great, but at 4 she doesn't know much about what's out there, so it really is up to you to tell her about or show her stuff you think she might like...

[RiverSky]

My eldest went to kindergarten in a public school. He felt like he had a pretty
fun time, but overall, the year was just hugely BLAH and just-not-good-enough with a number of slightly-jaw-dropping icky things. At the very end of the year,
I had the overwhelming urge that I never wanted to take him back there again,
and that is when I REALLY started on my homeschool research. I was not about to make such a decision lightly so it took me 6 or 7 weeks of reading until I finally decided.

Meanwhile, a well meaning friend of my husband brought over a stack of children's books he picked up at a thrift store. Sure enough, there was a "Barney Goes to School" (or something like that) book and my children (ages 6 & 3) wanted me to read it to them.

I don't remember all of the details of the book, but I remember that on various pages, the book extolled the virtues of playing with blocks ("can we do that in our homeschool?" "Yes, Mommy!"), painting ("can we do that in our homeschool?" "Yes, Mommy, we do it all the time!"), reading stories ("can we do that in our homeschool?" "Yes, Mommy!"), playing in the playground ("can we do that in our homeschool?" "Yes, Mommy, we go to the park with friends all the time" and I pointed out that in kindergarten, recess was only 15 minutes long, but when we go to the playground, we usually go for hours, which they far prefer.) Etc., etc, etc...

I also spent that summer (while still trying to figure out if I was absolutely positive that we were going to homeschool) taking the children to homeschool group beach days and to library events and to the bookstore and to museums and whenever we were at these things, I would point out that "this is what homeschool is like" and wow, did they ever like that!

The trick is not to denigrate the other children in your child's life who do go to school by bragging about the benefits of homeschool, but to remember to tell your son that the amazing parts of homeschool are going to be your special little truth between you and your other soon-to-be homeschooled friends. Once you really get immersed in the homeschool community, I think your child will feel far less like he is missing out, and eventually he will realize how much school-kids are missing out.

p.s. our children have been unschooling for over 5 years now and they have always loved it. Occasionally, they enjoy worksheets and such, but it's always their choice. Sometimes they have no interest in them at all.

[Piglet68]

Our society works hard to brainwash kids into believing that school is just one big fun adventure where you'll get to be with "all your friends". It's very hard to fight that marketing and it's quite common for preschool aged kids to decide they really want to go to school.

I agree with what the above poster said. Definitely being around other homeschoolers will help your kids feel that what they are doing is a valid choice with many benefits. Hang in there!

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by Piglet68

Our society works hard to brainwash kids into believing that school is just one big fun adventure where you'll get to be with "all your friends". It's very hard to fight that marketing and it's quite common for preschool aged kids to decide they really want to go to school.

I agree with what the above poster said. Definitely being around other homeschoolers will help your kids feel that what they are doing is a valid choice with many benefits. Hang in there!

Totally this. ALL of the media is set up to teach children that going to school is this big awesome, super-fun adventure!!

[mama to 2 girls]

Thanks so much for your replies. i added that my dd1 is almost 6 yrs., I think would have helped to know why she felt so strongly about it. She is just surrounded by kids who are going to actual school. My 4 yr. old just goes along with the flow and yes the pp is right she doesn't really have a care in the world right now as far as school goes!

I do try and emphasize all the fun we can have without trying to make actual school look horrible or make her think down on her cousins....Like one of the other pp's pointed out....like if we are at the park or at the mall riding the carousel that if she was in school that she wouldn't be able to go with mommy and her brother and sister to do these extra things.

I really do hope that this group helps because hearing it everyday is really dragging me down.

[Piglet68]

Just pretend she's asking when she can drive your car. That will make you feel much guilty about saying "never".

[boobyfeeder]

A friend of mine is going through this with her 5 year old right now. She feels like she is missing out on something by not going to school. My friend had planned on unschooling, but has purchased a curriculum for her daughter to make it more "school-like". Hopefully that will be enough.

Luckily, my 6 year old has never felt like she was missing out, simply because I have told her the truth about school. Yes, Kindergarten can be fun at times, but school in general is spent sitting at a desk while a teacher talks at you and expects you to memorize facts. I talked about all the fun things we do, and how we couldn't do all those things if she were in school. She much prefers to follow her interests, but understands that not everyone is able to be homeschooled. She has a mild curiosity about school, but also knows that her neighbor hated Kindergarten last year, so she's very glad she didn't go.

[WCM]

I did as PP did. I told my kids why school was not fun. This did not mean I spoke poorly of those who go there, or their parents, not at all. I framed it simply as a part of our culture most do not question, and my kids know I love to question things. That I did not enjoy school and got in trouble a lot, because sitting at my desk for hours on end was hard and boring. And that they have all these books and movies to *make* school palatable, and yet evry kid larns in grade 3 or 4 that it is no longer about 'fun'.


When my youngest was your child's age we had a hard time participating in our homeschool groups activities. We're shy, I had 2 younger babes as well, the activities were for older kids, etc . . . and I realised I really had to just get out there and meet folks. I organised a coffee and chat night at a local coffee shop for some moms. They organised beach days and we went, hard as itwas to go. . Now we know lots of kids and spent our 'first day of school' watching dvds and eating pumpkin bread while it poured rain outside.