Anyone who ever coslept actually have children who ever SLEEP, on their own, all night long?

[Amila]

Because I don't know of any. Every single kid I know who coslept has major issues sleeping on their own, mine included. Currently my 2 and 4 year old wake up at midnight every single night, and it takes me 2.5 hours to get them back to bed- they just want to crawl into bed with me. They scream, cry, make excuses, etc. This is NOT ok. I have a baby due in a month, and can't have a preschooler and toddler climbing into bed with me. I don't do CIO, nor am I advocating it, but I swear everyone I know who did it has children who have always slept great!

UGH. I know I will end up cosleeping with this one because it is so much easier to nurse, but I am really tempted to change it up in the hopes of creating a well adjusted sleeping child. How do you do this without CIO?

[stormborn]

In my experience it really seems to be all about the individual personality of the child. Both of mine have coslept with the exact same everything, room, bed etc. Dd9 still wakes up numerous times at night and fights going to sleep in the first place while dd2 goes to bed on her OWN(!) and even as an infant would sleep 8 hours at at time.

So no advice really, but I think it's not a given that yours would sleep great if you hadn't coslept.

[zensven42]

1

Edited by zensven42 - 3/30/11 at 12:47am

[EdnaMarie]

Amila, I have the same experience with you, except that after about a year of transitions with my three-year-old, she now sleeps through the night and goes to bed by herself. We may have the getting-up battle but it's usually only a half hour if I have a reward in the morning (she doesn't like to sleep, co-sleeping or not). It took a LONG time and it was HARD to break bad habits she picked up while co-sleeping (namely waking all the way up and needing to eat or drink for every sleep cycle). We started when she was 2.5 (baby born, co-sleeping NOT working safely at ALL).

I used no-cry sleep solution, which helped to a great extent.

With my second, I've been gradually cutting out night-wakings over a period of like, a year. LOL. But it's working. She still wakes at 3 and 5 which in my opinion is ridiculous because I know she doesn't need to eat at those times. No, really, she's not hungry. It's a habit. But I can't stop it because I am so tired I pick her up *in my sleep* and bring her to bed with me. LOL.

DD1 sometimes tantrums over having to go to bed in her own bed, at such and such a time. Both of them do. They tantrum over anything if they're in the mood.

I think co-sleeping does not work for everybody and it works way better if you can nap during the day. LOL! And I don't know many people who feel well-rested who co-sleep. I don't know why.

[LauraN]

My two oldest sleep like logs for 10-11 hours straight. DS8 sleeps in his own room most nights, or in a bed in our room when he wants company. DD6 sleeps in a bed next to ours, but is too afraid to sleep in her own room. DS2 sleeps with me still. Most nights he nurses once or twice in an 11 hr stretch,but really only roots around, and dosn't wake fully. But if he hasn't eaten enough protein before bed (or if he had sugar) then he nursesmore frequently and tends to wake up hungry in the wee hours of the morning. If I get him a glass of milk or a snack, he'll generally go right back to sleep and sleep soundly until his regular waking time.

None of my children have ever slept through the night until after 2.5 or 3 years old. But none of them has ever woken fully up and tried to get out of bed, either, unless something else was going on, like teething, hunger, or illness.. For us, the key has always been a good protein snack (usually yogurt, cheese or milk) right before bed. And avoiding sugar in the hours after dinner.

In contrast, my sister who has CIOed her 4 kids has had nighttime battles for most of the first 5 years or so with each one. When they're babies and toddlers she has to CIO all over again every time their routine is interrupted for any reason.
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[bobandjess99]

I think you are talking abotu 2 seperate issues....sleeping through the night, and sleeping in their own beds.
MY dd slept through the night from about 2 yo on, and my ds, at 2.75 is still waking about once, just for a drink.
As far as sleeping in their own beds, dd has just started doing this at just shy of 6..ds is not yet at 2.75.

Is a family bed not an option? IF they were sleeping with you, would they sleep through the night? IS it an either/or situation? If it were me, and i had to choose between them sleeping in their own beds, but waking and fighting with them at night, or sleeping with me, but sleeping through the night, I know for sure what I would choose.
Now, if they wake frequently even when in bed with you, then it's a different situation.

I think they are plenty old enough to do some very gentle sleep "training". If they CAN wake up and be up for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night, what about your daily schedule could you change to make it so they are tired during that time? Are they then sleeping very late to make up the sleep time? Are they napping during the day to make up for it? If so, I would put a stop to it. Get them up earlier. Don't let them nap. Make them tired at night.

All that being said..I can say for certain that had i tried to push my kids out of my room/bed at that age, it would have been a nightmare of hellish proportions. They simply weren't ready. I do think that in some ways, it is an either/or proposition. Some kids, probably due to innate personality, seem to be fine with switching from co-sleeping to not-cosleeping at a very young age (by that i mean under about age 4ish) but in general, yes, once you start cosleeping, it does tend to be a long-term choice. IT does seem to be fairly few and far between (but not unheard of!) for a cosleeping, AP baby to just up and choose to sleep by themselves at age 1, 2, 3, etc.

[SoulCakes]

I co-slept with my daughter until she was a year old, then again between ages three and four. She now sleeps like a rock, in her own bed, all by herself. I turn off her lights at 8pm and don't hear another peep out of her until about 7:30 in the morning.

So I agree it depends more on the individual personalities of the children. I got really lucky with her in that regard--she's always been a great sleeper. But I don't really think that establishing the co-sleeping pattern itself will keep them from sleeping through the night.

If it helps, my mom never let me co-sleep as a little kid, but I always wanted to. I can still remember waking up in the middle of the night (every night) and stumbling into my parent's room. She'd walk me back to my room and I'd whine and cry for who knows how long. I know she was incredibly frustrated about it. I also know I stopped caring around age five or six, and slept through the night in my own bed after that with no problems.

[LauraN]

I meant to add, since a couple of pps have said that kids are not hungry in the early hours of the morning and thus don't need to nurse, that that depends entirely on what and how much they have eaten before bed. A protein snack definitely helps my kids sleep better, whereas if they have eaten only carbs (or even veggies only) they do get hungry. Also, another reason for nursing at night could be thirst if it's not hunger. DD weaned herself at 18 months, but until she was 3, she woke once or twice a night wanting water. We kept a zippy cup by the bed, so satisfying her thirst was quick and she'd settle back down quickly.
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[Amila]

Thanks for the replies. If they sleep with us, they DO sleep through the night for sure. But we don't sleep DH or I end up with feet in our ribs, or we are eating the drywall, or hanging off the bed. Not fun. Plus with the baby coming, it is just not going to work. Thing is, the 2-year old usually sleeps just fine through the night in his own bed, it is the 4-year olf who wakes him up with her screaming. For a while they were both fine in their own beds, through the night. Then DD started getting up at 2 am and coming into bed with us. Then DS caught on. There have been issues with DD and bad dreams/monsters, etc, but we had that under control with monster spray and dream catchers...sigh.

[TheGirls]

We just added a twin bed next to our queen in our bedroom to accomodate my pregnant partner and the twins she is carrying. Alternatively, sometimes DD and I sleep in her room in a full sized bed, while DP sleeps in a different bed. It helps a lot with the space issues - no one falling off the bed or anything. My 2yo sleeps pretty well, in general, through the night in bed with me. She'll often STTN if I leave her but not always. Sometimes she wakes when I'm there, but never for more than lik 2 minutes, and usually goes back down with a quick shhh, mama's here.... When she sleeps alone she wakes more fully and is harder to get back to sleep. I'm certain she'll sleep on her own eventually, but at 2yo she's really not ready yet.

I think it is pretty biologically unusual for kids under 5 or so to sleep alone, so I wouln't be worried at all about a 2 or 4 yo who still prefer mommy at night. If they're waking 4 times a night in the family bed, yeah I'd worry, but waking once in the night from nightmares doesn't sound like a problem so much as the getting back to sleep. Can you adjust sleep locations so that the kids have a parent to sleep with? Maybe your husband can sleep with the kids so you can care for the baby? Get a bigger bed?

[The4OfUs]

DS is 6-1/2, and DD is 4+3 months. They both would probably still come to us almost every night if they had their druthers, but DH and I were starting to get tired of the cramped queen bed every night...we don't mind it a couple nights a week and enjoy the snuggles, but not every night. So, a few months ago we started encouraging them more to stay in their rooms, walking them back if they started coming to us every night (we'd walk them back if it was before 3am with a little kiss and back rub in their bed) and talking up staying in their own bed all night.

They started the night in their own bed and then came to us later on starting at 18 months for DS and 14 months for DD (DD was in atwin that early because she was a walking/climbing fiend and a twin on the floor was safest for her - DS was in a toddler bed at 18 months and had been full time cosleeping with us for about 10 months before that, as it was only him). Well, more specifically, DS would come to us, and DD would call for me and I'd go to her. So anywhere between 1am and 5am at night most nights we'd be playing musical beds. And for a long time (4+ years), that totally worked for us because DH and I didn't lose sleep with kids in bed. But, in the past few months I felt myself wanting to be in my own bed all night, and without an interloper. And I felt like 4 and 6 years old was definitely old enough to do that. We started telling them that the only reason they should be coming out of their rooms before morning wakeup time is if they have to go to the bathroom or if they're sick, or if something else is wrong. If they wake up and are bored and can't fall back asleep, or if they're cold, or want a drink, that is NOT a reason to wake us up. They are capable of looking at books quietly or playing quietly or getting a drink or putting on a pair of socks or another blanket from their closet. We pretty clearly spelled out situations that they should handle on their own and ones they should come to us for. It has worked pretty well, and every night we remind them to stay in their own beds unless they have to go to the bathroom or are sick or something is wrong (and we include nightmares as "wrong", cause we don't want them scared and alone), and to occupy themselves if they're bored or fix minor temperature/thirst problems on their own. Thus far, I'd say 5 out of 7 nights we don't hear from them until morning. Those other nights we usually walk them back to their rooms half the time, and half the time we let them hop in bed with us. On super hot nights this summer they've bunked together in one room with an AC unit to save some money having on in each bedroom, and they dug that.

I'll be honest, at 2 I don't think it would have worked with my DD without a LOT of tears and LOUD protest. My son probably could have been walked back over and over and gotten the hint. SO it likely depends a lot on their personalities. If it's the older one waking the younger one up most of the time, I think 4 years odl is old enough to learn to sit in bed quietly with books instead of crying, and if something is wrong and they're scared to come to you instead of waking up sibling crying for you. You'll likely have to be really specific like we were and spell it out for the 4 yo, and it will take time to really learn and understand, but I think it's possible.

Good luck!

[wwisdomskr]

My daughters are almost 10 and almost 5 and they sleep all night, in their own beds. Actually, they sleep in a bunk bed and my younger daughter refuses to go to sleep without her big sister...but that's the extent of our sleep troubles. They both co-slept for at least 2 years. My son is almost 3 and he still sleeps in our bed. With the exception of colds and big growth spurts, he sleeps great.

[The4OfUs]

You know, when my DD was waking up hungry/thirsty for a period of time, I would go to bed with a granola or fruit bar and a bottle of water and just hand it to her in my sleep. Not the most nutritious thing, but also got her and I both back to sleep really quickly.

She also had a charming phase of being awake for several hours a night, several nights a week as a toddler, but that was somewhere between 16-24 months and at that age needed my presence more (though I just went to a toddlerproofed room and dozed while she puttered around for a while then climbed on the futon with me and passed out again). On occasion she'll still be wakeful for a couple hours in the wee hours of the morning, but she just hangs out and plays or looks at books until she's sleepy again. She was 4 on June 28.

[Amila]

I think a lot of it is my DD's anxiety She often says stuff like "I miss you and daddy" or "I was worried about you." We are on a different floor (we are upstairs), unfortunately, but thats the only possible set up in our small house. I really don't want to have to bring their beds upstairs, we are cramped enough as it is, and I think it could get dangerous once the baby is here...

[The4OfUs]

ooh wow yeah, that would be a problem. We actually turned down a few houses, when we bought, that had bedrooms on separate floors or opposite ends of the house - that's a dealbreaker for us. I dunno what to tell you about solving that part, sorry.

[LadyCatherine185]

My DS was one of the worst sleepers out there for the first 19 months or so of his life. We coslept, and he woke every hour or more all night to nurse. When I got pregnant again, we nightweaned via Jay Gordon, and then moved him to his own bed. When he woke up, DH went to him and resettled him. He now sleeps through the night almost every night, and sleeps in his own bed. We never used CIO, and he actually never even cried during the whole transition.

[candycat]

My 3 year old, who was ALSO the world's worst sleeper (took FOUR HOURS to get to sleep every night for his first year, four hours of screaming, never once napped, etc.) He moved into his own bed when DD came along (so he was around 10 months old. He now sleeps 12 hours straight through and bedtime consists of me giving him a kiss and a story and leaving the room and he falls asleep.

DD is much the same although she wakes up more easily when teething. She coslept until she was about 13 months.

[The4OfUs]

See, this has a lot to do with personality because sending my DH in to my DD when she was 19 months old would have meant LOTS of crying. LOTS. You have to find what works for your family and go with that.

[paxye]

I have 4 kids and have co-slept with all of them... the older kids are 8, 6 and 3 and share a room and often share a bed. The baby sleep with us...

The boys all sleep through the night with phases of coming into our bed or asking DH to come to theirs and it has never crossed my mind that they shouldn't do it.. They go back to sleep within seconds and we all get sleep... I can't imagine fighting with a child looking for comfort at night....

My youngest (7 months) co-sleeps full time and sleeps though... we wake her to pee at about midnight when we go to bed, and then she wakes to pee and nurse at about 6am....

Though I love having my space in bed when I go to sleep at night, I love waking up with all the kids in the morning... They often all come in our bed when DH goes to work...

[JessieBird]

No problems here. DS was in bed with us from 0-16 mos. He self-soothed to sleep and slept through the night from about 14 mos. I didn't do any conscious sleep training or night weaning efforts, it was entirely on his own. At about 16 mos he noticed the crib in "his" room, which he had never even taken a nap in, and was curious about it - wanted to play in it, etc - and then asked to sleep in it. It broke my heart but apparently he wanted out of our bed and still loves his crib at 21 mos. He went through a period of about a month around 19 mos where he asked to sleep in the spare bed (a double in his room) and we had no problems there either. I was hopeful that we'd have the easiest big boy bed transition in history but it only lasted a few weeks then he asked for the crib again. We have always followed his lead when it comes to sleep so I am fine with him being back in the crib (though honestly I wish he'd sleep in bed with us again, I just love toddler cuddles!).

I credit bedsharing with getting him off to a great start and also a lot of luck - his personality is such that he likes his personal space, likes alone time, and also likes to sleep. All fingers and toes are crossed that baby #2 is similar.