9 Year Old at Homebirth?

[IdentityCrisisMama]

My search for stories of older children at homebirths isn't working all that well so forgive a post about an (I'm sure) well discussed topic.

What have been your experiences about having older children at a birth? DC will be 9 and I am considering having her at the birth. We are open about reproduction and are not a modest family so we don't have issues there. My main worry is my DC seeing me in pain. I vomited frequently during her birth and was really quite exhausted by the end - and I did end up with a transfer to the hospital on oxygen. My birth with her would have been difficult for a 9 year old to deal with.

I hope to not transfer this time and be generally less stressed and hopefully stay better hydrated but I'm don't think I'll be one of those women with a pain-free childbirth.

We can have DH there, my mom and my SIL (who was at DC's birth) to help with DC and we have a large enough house that DC could watch a movie or even go to the neighbors for a while.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences - both good and bad are most welcome! Thanks.

[AnneCordelia]

I was 9 years old when my brother was born and 5 years old when my sister was born. We (twin sister and I) helped my mom labour with both of them. I remember my brother especially. I remember feeding my mom yogurt between contractions.

I hae nothing but positive memories of their births, even though my mom assures me now that they were NOT painfree. LOL!

Anyway, I don't have any experience being the parent of an older child, so I don't know what help this is. LOL.

[purplepaisleymama]

We have had 4 homebirths, our children have been around for all of them. Our first was 11 years ago and our oldest was 19 months old, he doesn't remember the birth but we do have pictures of him smiling and talking through it all. Our second homebirth was 9 years ago and we had both of our children there, our son was three and our daughter was 20 months, our son decided to watch a movie during the birth, he came down the hall a minute or two after the baby was born. Our daughter was being held by our neighbor about four feet from me during the birth, she doesn't remember it but again we have some very nice pictures, thanks to the apprentice midwife who thought to grab the camera.
Our third homebirth was a bit different... we had planned to have everyone there but it was very quick and we managed to get the video camera on but noone made it down the hall for the event! We were also planning to have midwives attend but they were too late, so we have a great movie of the birth and the kids coming in less than 1 minute after the baby was born. Our last homebirth was a transfer after the birth, all of our kids were there for the birth, our daughter was taking pictures through most of it. The kids were 7, 6, 4 and 3 at the time. They saw our son born, he was a brow presentation so it was not the easiest birth and he looked very bruised, we didn't transfer for a few hours and they were fine with it all. The my husband , the baby and I were transported in the ambulance and the kids rode with my mil to her house. The kids did not have any issues with the birth or the transfer, they did have many issues that we had to work out for a very long time from their treatment at the hospital. It was not an ideal situation, we were not treated well and the kids did not get to see our baby for almost two weeks due to their vaccination status and it was heartbreaking for all of us.

I would be more than comfortable with a 9 yo attending the birth, as long as you have someone for them to be with if something comes up. I think it is great for kids to have a real view of birth..... ours will all be at the house for this birth, though it depends how I am feeling whether they will be at the birth or if we will video it and they will be called in immediately after.

Have a wonderful birth!!!
~laura

[stormborn]

My older is the same age as yours, she was 8 at her sisters birth. She wanted to be there but even though it was a fairly short active labor (5 hours from calling the doc to end) I think she didn't realize how boring it would be. After a while she said she was tired of taking turns rubbing my back and went to her friends house. I found out later that they were hanging out in our yard telling every passerby that the baby was coming.


AnneCordelia, what a sweet story! I think that's what I envisioned, my labor just wasn't entertaining enough I guess.

[kittywitty]

My 9 year old will be at this birth. In fact, she wants to catch. I will also have my 2, 5, and 8 year olds there. They don't have to watch, but they will be there and all but the 8 year old will also watch the actual birth (my ds hates blood, so he comes back after baby is out). They were at my last birth and did great, but we normalize it for them-talk about it a lot, watch videos, read books, etc.

[fruitfulmomma]

My oldest daughter was 6yo at my last birth and was there with me. She has always come along to prenatals and wants to be a midwife or OB and I felt she was old enough then to be present for the birth. We have a friend who is a student/apprentice midwife and she was invited to watch and help take care of dd. Mostly they played in her bedroom while I was in labor and came out when transition hit. She had wanted to catch the baby but got a little scared and decided just to watch from the corner of the bed. She did get to cut the umbilical cord and was very excited about that and talking about it for weeks. She would like to try again to catch if we have another one.

I am not sure yet about the other girls. My next oldest will be 6 in a couple of months and I don't know if she is ready in the same way the older one was at that age.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Thanks for sharing, ya'll!! Keep 'em coming...

I'd be especially curious to hear from someone for whom this situation didn't work and why. Only, because all I've ever heard is positive stories. I'd like to be prepared for some of the things that may not work.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Originally Posted by stormborn

I found out later that they were hanging out in our yard telling every passerby that the baby was coming.


AnneCordelia, what a sweet story! I think that's what I envisioned, my labor just wasn't entertaining enough I guess.

I love that story, Stormborn!! I can totally imagine DC running through the neighborhood telling everyone!

And, I'd LOVE to have a boring labor!!!

[donutmolly]

I was 12yo at my brother's birth -- so a little bit older, bust still in that range of late childhood/early adolescence. I was thrilled to be there. I put cool washcloths on my mom's forehead while she pushed, and was the second person to hold my baby bro! My younger sister was 8yo and had no interest in being there, so she went to the neighbors and met baby bro when he was a few hours old. I think I'd go with your DC's desire to be there or not, and have a back-up plan for if DC would rather leave, or take a break for awhile.