I give up

[oliversmum2000]

I just wanted to say I officially give up living in a peaceful happy home. I have been blessed with 2 amazing bright beautiful sons who just cannot get along. I have the most wonderful high needs son who cannot transition from one activity to another, is fixated on the computer and gets stuck in moods which he finds nigh on I possible to snap out of which leads to him being aggressive, moody and hostile, who is fine as long as everything in his world is going as he wants but cannot cope at all well with things not going as he plans them. He is enormously sensitive and I love him very much but I just don't know what to do with him. He doesn't understand when to stop and will really upset other people and has trouble understanding other children. He is brilliant and very advanced for his age in many ways but socially he struggles so much. I love him so much and when he comes out of his mood he is wonderful and can come out as quickly as snapping your fingers but by the time he does I am physically and emotionally drained as is my dh.

I do not believe we will find happiness as a family until the children start to leave home and my boys do not have to live together anymore, but the I shall miss them so much I will still be sad.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

[pregnant@40]

I have a friend whose son sounds like yours. She has homeschooled him b/c his personality/behavior presents challenges that would prevent his success in a traditional school setting. She is finally considering getting him formally tested, and let the professionals determine if there is a diagnosis of any kind.

She has already tried the naturopathic route, eliminating foods to control mood swings/behavior, advice from multiple books, and therapists. Now she's moving towards a traditional assessment by a physician specialist. To admit there is indeed a problem that is beyond her capability to fix feels to her (and her friends) as if a weight has been lifted. She is opening her mind to any possibility -- autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, conduct disorder, sensory processing disorder, or any combination of problems. The kid needs help (resources), and the first step is a diagnosis.

I'm very sorry you feel stuck and hopeless. If you haven't done so already, maybe talk to a professional about your concerns? There may be something significant (but fixable) going on.

Unless, of course, you're dealing w/ just normal moodiness and emotional immaturity (due to age)? It's hard to tell from a discussion board...

[almama]

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. It is very tough and isolating to be with a high needs child and the dynamic between siblings can be overwhelming.

I hope you are taking care of yourself and finding some rest.

I don't know what you have looked into, but we are *adoring* Freeing Your Child From Negative Thinking. We have a very bright boy who is an angel with just about everyone but his siblings and us. The book is a bit overwhelming with strategies, and I don't know if it would help your situation, but the book does help give us a little more personal strength and ease dealing with the stress. It helps us "depersonalize" the situation too (helping us see that he has a lot of strengths, but something is blocking the path to good behavior). It is a slow progress, but I was surprised at how much peace it gave me.

[LynnS6]

Two other books that might help:

The Challenging Child by Stanley Greenspan
The Explosive Child by Ross Greene

I hope you're able to find some solutions. It's so hard when all the 'right' things don't work.