Why is she untrusting of my praises??

[Neera]

We were visiting family where I praised her for her night dryness. It's been about 1 1/2 months since she's been night dry. We still use pull-ups at night just in case there's an accident but, we hadn't had any since the first night of her being dry. And the night I praise her she pees in her pull-ups. At 7 am I can smell her pee. I thought it was a little pee, but the whole pull-up was full. This was at their place . Last night we were back home. This morning she is still in bed when I go to wake her up and she's wet the bed. I was v. frustrated because it's like I can't praise her for anything. For her it's like if we say anything nice she things we are setting her up. She is so untrusting... I feel like I should just talk firm to her at all times. She has major problems pooping in the potty/toilet and we have tried everything. We've bribed her with everything. We recently bought her a new potty (she has 2 from bfor) of her choice (Princess) but she came home and behaved like the new potty was a trap; that we had purchased it to somehow use it against her...

[mamazee]

A lot of kids don't respond well to praise. Here's an article you might be interested in: http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

Also, it takes a long time for kids to get potty trained, IME. Longer than a month and a half, and it doesn't take much for them to take a step backward. It's like three steps forward, one step backward, but they do get there eventually. I know it isn't easy to be patient, but she has all the control on this, so just try to relax about it and that might make her more relaxed and make things go better. It seems to me that the kids who respond worst to praise get a bit anxious from it, and that's what I found with my older dd too when she was potty training.

[claras_mom]

Being dry at night isn't anything she has any control over. So in that case, you're praising for things that have nothing to do with any particular effort she's made.

In terms of potty training, I'd suggest backing way off on the praise/blame thing (not saying you blame her, but it's the flip side of the praise) and just be really low key about the whole thing. It takes the pressure off.

[The4OfUs]

My daughter daytime trained just after she turned 3, but only was dry all night regularly at 4. She would go weeks being dry in a pull up, then we'd try underwear and she'd wet the bed that night, so we'd go back to pullups. It was something in her body just being triggered by the change in fabric sensation, and nighttime wetting is not something they can do on purpose, it happens in their sleep when they're too young to wake themselves up...she was the same way daytime from 2-3 yrs old: if she was naked bottom she was great; underwear or anything covering her bottom at all (even a long Tshirt or just a dress with no undies) and she would pee.

2 steps forward, 1 step back is really, really normal in pottying.

I wouldn't praise her or blame her either; just give it time, and it will eventually happen.

Ohhh, and as far as the praise thing goes, my kids are exactly the same way - lots of the time when we talk something up, they are dubious/contrary. We have to be really low key about things.

[Neera]

Thanks. All the advice about the potty and praising is really invaluable. I haven't yet had a chance to look at the link yet but will as soon as I can. I am not alone about the praise thing and that is so good to know. Maybe the step backward was linked to me praising her but if there are steps backward involved then this is the first time I've experienced it and I'm glad to know it's ok for it to happen.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

Being dry at night isn't anything she has any control over.

The praise and the wet bed are coincidence because she doesn't have any control over peeing during the night. She doesn't know it's happening until she's wet when she wakes up. Being able to wake to pee is a biological developmental thing and is beyond conscious control.