Would you want to know this about your husband?

[CatNamedSue]

I didn't really know where to put this... I hope it isn't too much of a personal growth issue!

Last year at one of my daughter's school functions hubby and I ran into a woman who also had a child at the school. We chit-chatted for a minute and that was that. Then hubby turns to me and whispers, "Weird, I went on a couple dates with her about ten years ago!" I laughed and said something about it being a small world and didn't think anything else about it.

Weeell, we put our daughter in a new school this year, and her daughter is in the same class! No big deal, except we've been talking before and after school for the last two weeks and we're making plans to get together outside of the whole school/kids arena. And then today after a playdate I was walking home and thought, "Oh God, has he slept with her?!" Because wouldn't that make things more awkward? Maybe? Or, lol, more comfortable? I don't know.

This isn't normally something I'd ask my husband, but now I really want to know!

Wwyd? Ask? Or just hope that when she's over they're not mentally reminiscing on good times? It's so weird, and I really enjoy her company. (Hey, at least hubby has good taste!)

[cristina47454]

I've been on both sides of this kind of situation. Does your dh know you are making plans with her? Does he have an opinion about it? Does she remember your dh? Or has she mentioned their past to you?

If it were me...and I am NOT the jealous type...I'd want to know, just so that everything was on the table and there were no secrets. But that's MY relationship with MY dh. I know a lot of couples that don't share details from past relationships.

Since they only went on a couple of dates, and it was 10 years ago, I wouldn't be too worried. If it was someone he had a "real" relationship, I might steer clear altogether. But he ended up with YOU (although I know, being married for 11 yrs, that sometimes you go through stale patches) and presumably she too has a dh. I think I might pay attention to their interaction before deciding whether I was 100% comfortable with the new friendship, but generally speaking, I find that it's hard finding people I connect with, so I think you should give her a chance...

[CrazyCatLady]

I would want to know only because I'm nosy like that. But it wouldn't make things any different or awkward for me. But I'm pretty darn laid back when it comes to that sort of thing, so I know other people's opinions will differ.

[MisaGoat]

Yes! I would want to know. Not that it really matters or is relevant at this point in your lives.

I think I know everything about my husband's past and he knows everything about mine so I would be surprised to bump into someone and then find out that he had dated (however briefly) or slept with someone that I wasn't already aware of.

[abiyhayil]

let us know what he says

[CherryBomb]

I'd want to know, but I wouldn't be particularly concerned about it. I WOULD be concerned if I found out they had dated, especially if they had had sex, and my husband was hiding that from me...because I would think "um, why do you need to hide this?" I'm always upfront if we run into someone I've got a past with, I appreciate the same!

[lovebug]

yep! i am on the would want to know band wagon too. for me not knowing would make it odd, because i would always be thinking... did they?

[SoulCakes]

Oops! Posting on my friend's computer.

[CatNamedSue]

Originally Posted by lovebug

yep! i am on the would want to know band wagon too. for me not knowing would make it odd, because i would always be thinking... did they?

Exactly! I have to know! And I'll let you all know what he says.

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by CatNamedSue

Exactly! I have to know! And I'll let you all know what he says.

how sad it it that i want to know if they did or did not now? well i hope you get the info you are looking for. i will be peeking in to find out the answer.

[CatNamedSue]

The answer is.............no. It seems they went to dinner and a movie, and then he met one of his now exes, who I have heard all about.

How sad is it that I first felt really relieved, then a little bit disappointed? Man I must really have a boring life.

[cristina47454]

LOL. I like you

[lovebug]

i would have been the same way!

[rhianna813]

I have SO been there. When I met DH he was still friends with one of his ex girlfriends. She is such a leech and had borrowed money from him for a trip and always calls with her drama. I met her once when we had just started dating, at a concert.

Then one day he runs into her at the grocery store with DS. She just got married and is having a baby, and lives in our neighborhood. Oh joy. But the good news is she paid back the money she owed him from years ago! She is definitely in a better place in her life now.

Soon after I am at a park with DS and she spots me. She comes over and reintroduces herself and we awkwardly talk. That is when it hit me… ewwww she has probably slept with MY husband. I mean how else do you cheat on someone? I wanted to find out but I don’t want to mention running into her. I am like afraid he’ll want to get the families together or something. Blach!!

Well much to my relief they had not slept together. I just randomly brought her up and (like a miracle) he mentioned they never had sex. Apparently in DH’s eyes kissing is cheating when you are HS. Whew!

I then mention running into her and how akward it was. DH does not want to hang out. He got his money back and that is good enough for him!

Rhianna

[Adaline'sMama]

Yep, Id have to know. Before DH and I married (we were together for 6 years beforehand), we decided to tell each other about every single person we'd slept with, so there were no surprises later on. It was kind of hard at the time (I slept with more people than him), but Im glad we did it.

Good to know your hubby didnt sleep with her, it probably would have made it a little akward to hang out with her for playdates and stuff.

[LCBMAX]

My husband and I are both different kinds of jokes in this regard. His past lovers are not few but his memory for names is terrible, and I am not naturally relaxed about his past - I really have to work at it. So if conversation or social settings lead to anyone he has known that I haven't heard of yet, he'll say "Oh yeah, I went to high school with her and never kissed her but I can't remember her name." or "I met her at a party and we did hook up once, but I can't remember her name." He knows by now that I'll be struggling not to ask, and he just puts me out of my misery right away. I'm really really sorry/ ashamed that this is a part of my make-up, but I must say that having him acknowledge it with humor and kindness every time really takes the sting out.

[bambii22]

I've always lived with the motto,
"Don't ask questions you don't want answers to."

[Red Cape]

How does one NOT be the jealous type? I'm not a stalker or anything, but isn't jealousy a natural emotion? Its like saying I'm not the Happy type, or the angry type, or the embarrassed type, but most everyone has had all of these feelings at one point or another.

Only asking cuz, lately I'm having a run with jealousy. I try to use it as a tool to look into myself, and get more of what I want for myself in life, which is mostly to love myself more and recognize my own beauty.

[BeckyBird]

Red Cape, I was just wondering the same thing! I am a jealous person, just like my father, grandfather, and mother. It runs in the family lol! I don't think it's such a bad thing to be a jealous person; all that matters is how you handle it!

[Theoretica]

Originally Posted by Red Cape

How does one NOT be the jealous type? I'm not a stalker or anything, but isn't jealousy a natural emotion? Its like saying I'm not the Happy type, or the angry type, or the embarrassed type, but most everyone has had all of these feelings at one point or another.

Only asking cuz, lately I'm having a run with jealousy. I try to use it as a tool to look into myself, and get more of what I want for myself in life, which is mostly to love myself more and recognize my own beauty.

I think it's just a personality trait. I *am* the embarrassed type, meaning I'm very prone to that feeling. I am NOT the jealous type. DH is friends with one of his ex's, still goes over to her parent's house occasionally, that sort of thing. I couldn't care less. He makes comments when he sees an attractive woman, that sort of thing, and again...I don't care. I'm very overweight and sensitive about my appearance, but I have the wherewithal to recognize that DH is with ME, so for some reason that keeps me from even being concerned. Heck, if she's cute enough I'll chime in with him!

DH is a little more of the jealous type, but not terribly. We are good friends with my ex-boyfriend, whom I dated for a couple YEARS many eons ago. He and his wife hang out with us regularly, DH and he go fishing together (I don't even WANT to know what they talk about ) etc. We've even talked about doing surrogacy for them, because they have a really hard time getting pregnant. Maybe DH doesn't care because xBF is married? I don't know?

I don't think you're weird for wanting to know. I'd want to know all the dirty details, just because that's how I am But I also think it doesn't matter if someone DOESN'T want to know, ya know?