So seriously burnt out on the whole nap thing

[MeredithK]

Oh my goodness......these naps are going to be the end of me. DS has never been a good napper, but now it's almost impossible. He is 11 months and it takes me well over 30 minutes to try to get him down for a nap. I'm totally losing my mind.

I'm trying to decide if it's fair to him to try to drop to one nap. I'm not sure if he is ready, but I don't know if I have it in me to keep this up. If he misses his morning nap, he is super easy to get to nap for the second one, but often will only stay asleep for 15-20 minutes. Although these days, that tends to happen with two naps, too.

I've tried just about everything in the world to get him to sleep, but he just doesn't seem to be drowsy. He'll rub his eyes and he'll almost fall asleep, but then he just wakes right up and starts to play again.

I don't want to be this resentful frustrated mama that I keep on turning in to every nap time. DH isn't around for naps, nor do I have anyone else to try for me, so it's just me and him.

Should I just keep at it or try to go down to one nap? How do you know they are ready for one nap?

Thanks for listening...I'm exhuasted!!

[Dena]

I had one of those. It took us an hour to get her to sleep for naps, and another two hours at night. Finally, when she was about two years old, I gave up on the naps because it was SO frustrating trying to get her down. BUT, without a nap, she went to bed earlier, fell asleep within minutes, and slept through the night, so she was still getting enough sleep AND dh and I got our evenings back (when she napped in the afternoon she would not be tired until 9-10 p.m.). So it was a wonderful trade off.

At 11 mos I would not advocate no naps, but maybe try dropping a nap for a week and see how he does? If he is still getting the sleep he needs (I think 14 hours or so at that age, if memory serves), it doesn't really matter when he get it, be it naps or at night.

The other thing, as I am sure you know, is making sure you hit the sleep window which, if your ds is a spirited child (and the lack of sleeping indicates he could be), could be as short as 15 minutes. If you haven't already, I would recommend Raising your Spirited Child and Sleepless in America for more on that.

Good luck - I hope you find a solution that works for your family.

[jenfl]

Follow your LO's cues. If 2 naps isn't working, try a week of 1 nap. Of course, there'll be an adjustment period... but you should at least have an idea of whether things are getting better or worse.

My DD was also a terrible napper (undiagnosed reflux through 6 months set her up with terrible sleep habits, and she never napped in her crib because of it). She ended up giving up naps totally at 20 months. It's not the usual thing, but it worked for her.

If your LO really does need naps but getting them down is troublesome, you can also try a jogging stroller or bike trailer. My DD took nearly all of her naps in one of these -- she'd conk right out, and my DH got an amazing amount of exercise.

[mum5]

the nap / sleep thing is so hard. am in the process of reading the sleep lady's book on sleeping!! so far it gives some good ideas.

[MeredithK]

Thanks for the suggestions. I have read Sleepless in America but will look into Raising Your Spirited Child. I think that I may try just going for one nap for a week and see how he does.

I wish that the stroller trick still worked, or the car, for that matter, but neither one works anymore. Too stimulating for him.

I wish that it were easier for him. I'm so glad no one sees us trying to take a nap, they would think I was torturing him!

[lizsky]

No real advice, but just sympathy. My DD is 6 months and is the same way. I dread naptime and nighttime because its such a struggle.

[jazzharmony]

My second child was not a napper. She was down to one nap at 6mo and dropped all naps by 2yo. She was, however, big on nighttime sleep She had no trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep.

My first child was the opposite. He woke every 45 minutes all night long for the first year of his life. He didn't nap much either. I found that I really had to adjust my expectations and let go of needing him to nap so much. Once I let go, it really did help. At one point, I got rid of the clock in the bedroom which made a big difference in my stress level.
If your son is upset as you try to get him to sleep, change the routine and see what happens. A nice bath or trip to the park in the middle of the day. Definitely try for one decent nap in the middle of the day rather than two fretful ones. Take a walk with him on your back and see if he falls asleep or just gets tired out and is ready to nap when you get home.
You might try slinging your babe midday and just going about your business. See if he drops off and then you can try to put him down still in the sling (practice makes perfect with this maneuver) I used to slow dance with my son in the sling, nursing. He would drop off and I could sometimes put him down or I would sit in a rocking chair while he slept in the sling.
Experimentation and deep breathing is the remedy, mama.
My son is 9 now and we both survived some truly rough years without sleep. It will pass.

[KellyandBean]

We have this problem too :/ I think lately i've kind of come to the conclusion that i was trying to way to hard. We started putting her down in her crib awake after nursing when i KNEW she was tired. It is hard to trust your gut on that kind of thing when they are fighting it so hard but i would see the eye rub and the fuss and i KNEW. So i would rock and nurse her but if that didn't put her to sleep i would put her down in her crib with her glowing seahorse toy and she will usually roll around and then start to fuss. Eventually without the stimulation of me being in the room she decided she was tired quicker then if i were trying to rock her and will start to cry so i go in give her her pasi and pet her on her back and then walk back out. I know this wont work for all babies and it doesn't always work for her (sometimes she wants the rocking and i give it to her) but seriously sometimes i feel like i am just keeping her awake by moving her around to much.

[KellyandBean]

Oh also something that i read that i thought was useful was that if you can't get them to nap but you know they need it then at least try to give them an hour of "quiet time" maybe something like snuggling in bed and reading books or going in a swing while you clean up the house for a little bit. At least they get a time where there isn't as much stimulation and if they get relaxed enough then maybe they will actually sleep.

[Comtessa]

and sympathy to you!!!! My DD is a terrible napper too. I just wanted to second what jazzharmony says: letting go of expectations about naps helps a lot!!!

I've found that DD always sleeps better when she:
a) has had some good fresh air and exercise early in the day,
or
b) is bored
or
c) has had a lot to eat right before naptime.

[flower01]

My 11 month old son doesn't nap well either. Partly my fault because with my DH's work schedule, and my 3 year old's unwillingness to nap I just never got DS on any kind of schedule. But, man does he fight it. Now that he's walking he just gets right up out of bed and walks back to his toys. sigh.

[littlegreenlady]

Oh man I've been having this problem for ages.
I've been feeling pretty frustrated as well.
My DS needs to be paced, jiggled etc while nursing to fall asleep, and doing it for an hour three times a day is really making me nuts. Sometimes he even wakes up at night and needs another jiggle session however these usually last 2 hours instead of one )
He is nearly 11 months and weighs at least 23 lbs.

I've been thinking about dropping a nap as well and have done it a couple of times now. I'm not loving it, because he seems to get too tired.

The one thing that is saving me is that if I hold him for at least an hour during his second nap he will let me put him down and stay asleep for up to an hour on his own.

There was another thread asking when people where dropping to one nap and there were many that dropped around 11 months, and said it worked out well.

[MeredithK]

Thank you for all the responses. I'm still struggling, but have yet to try going to the one nap. He just seems too tired to do that. So, I'm going to keep on trying with the two naps, I guess. I tried giving the morning one a little earlier, but it didn't make any difference. 35 minutes to get him to nap. Napped only 25 minutes.

I feel bad for him. I wish that I could do more to help him sleep. Both during the day and night. At times, I find myself wishing I had done things differently when he was younger. But, he is who he is now and all I can do is try to make something work.

I appreciate all of your responses. I have felt like a parental failure many times in the last weeks and it has helped to hear that I am not the only one struggling with some things.

[MsVyky]

:

It's so hard to have a non-napper. And it sucks to not have that block to time to do what you need to do, or not do it. Lying on the couch eating bonbons sounds great, actually!

We did the No Cry Sleep Solution and it worked wonders for us.

Have you tried wearing him for naps? This is our no-fail final solution. I'd rather her sleep in bed so that I can either work or relax, but if she's cranky and just needs to nap, I just put her in a carrier, bounce on the yoga ball or pace in the living room and she WILL fall asleep and will usually stay asleep for a substantial block of time.

Hope you figure out what works for you soon !

[nwatt]

We are in the exact same boat with my 13 month old. It was taking 45 minutes to an hour to get her to sleep and then she was sleeping for 30-45 minutes. We tried switching to one nap this week and she has been way too fussy. She was a lot easier to put to sleep though! We are also weaning right now and I think she is getting her first two teeth. It sucks. I just don't have it in me to keep up the sleep battles.

We have tried EVERYTHING too. The No Cry Sleep Solution, got her to sleep better at night, but not the day. Walks, she either doesn't fall asleep or starts crying hysterically. Wearing, wakes the second I change pace or stop moving and I cannot walk for an hour plus wearing her. Car seat, cries and might fall asleep but not for long. The only thing that sometimes helps her sleep is pulling my hair. This is what she wants to do from 5 am to 7 am or when she wakes up during a nap. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! I am refusing to let her now, which led to her waking up and crying on and off from 5:30 this morning on. We tried rocking her, bouncing her, singing to her, cuddling with her, she would fall asleep for a few seconds and then wake up crying.

I am beginning to resent her completely because of all this. I just don't know what to do AND it is making me DREAD having twins in April.

Sorry to high-jack your thread a bit with my rant. I am just falling over the edge here.

[Knitting Mama]

Nwatt there is a No Cry Nap Solution specifically designed for napping, you might want to check that out!

[MsVyky]

Really?! I will have to get a copy. I think we're having some nap regression. SHe's usually a very good napper (night time is another story). It's been taking 2 or 3 attempts every nap to get her to sleep and stay asleep.

[Aufilia]

Originally Posted by MeredithK

I tried giving the morning one a little earlier, but it didn't make any difference. 35 minutes to get him to nap. Napped only 25 minutes.

That's the story of DS's naps, too. I don't think we've ever managed a nap without at least 30 minutes of nursing first, unless it was a spontaneous car nap. He never, ever goes down easy, he only goes down fighting, and often he won't really nap at all. He only naps more than 30 minutes if he's totally exhausted, and sometimes not even then. I'm sure we miss his sleep window a lot, because with an older child who also needs me I just can't make our entire schedule all about him.

Bedtime isn't necessarily any easier with him, though we're down from a 2-hour bedtime nursing session to a 1-hour bedtime nursing session. I actually don't mind that so much because I can read while he nurses, and otherwise I'd never ever have the downtime to just sit and read. But still. It's kinda old. The only time he's easy to get back to sleep is in the middle of the night.

I haven't read Sleepless in America, 'cause I haven't had time. (I can't hold a book that large in any place hidden from DS's sight while we're nursing.) I really, really need to figure out how to get him to nap, though. He's flat-out miserable if he doesn't get at least 2 good naps in a day, and I'm miserable if I don't get any time to sit and unwind during the day.

[MeredithK]

I'm glad that you guys are venting with me! This has got to be one of the most frustrating things ever. I did read parts of NCSS and Sleepless in America yesterday and tried to go on to today with a new found sense of patience. I did so well. I stayed patient for over an hour and when there was still no nap, I gave up. I finally peed, ate breakfast and tried again. He slept for 20 minutes.

I am desperate to find a solution. I want to give up...to just let him be, but in my heart of hearts, I know he is tired and needs to sleep. I'm just going to keep on trying different things. Something has got to work.

I will pick up a copy of the No Cry Nap Solution. I've read it a few times before, but maybe I need a refresher.