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Bubble Wrap Generation - Page 3

post #41 of 80
I'm both a helicopter parent and free range. I let my 20 month old dd touch anything as long as it isn't hot, poisonous or poop, and I let her climb pretty much anything as long as I am close enough to catch her (although I drew the line when she tried to climb a twenty foot playground structure last week). I think it is very important to let kids explore. I try to avoid saying "no" too much because I think in the long run it will discourage exploration and curiosity. I feel like curiosity is one of the most important features of a happy person, so I really want to encourage it.
post #42 of 80
I have a 14 year old and an almost 2 year old. I was very free range with my teen, on purpose. And so far I think I have done ok with her.

However, I find I am having a hard time finding the balance with the two year old. My toddler is FEARLESS. She is 100% confident that she's totally safe in whatever situation she is in. We take her in the neighborhood pool and she "jumps" off the side into our arms...and she will do this over and over, without ever waiting to see if we are ready or paying attention to whether or not we are looking, or even THERE. She will take off running for the stairs, knows they are there, and will just run head first down them, not caring if anyone is there to catch her or that she doesn't have the balance to run down them that fast. Heights don't scare her, she will walk to the edge of a playstructure and just stand there staring down, sometimes even trying to take a step off. When she was about a year old, occasionally loud noises or being in water would scare her or at least give her a pause, but now, absolutely nothing scares her in the least and she has no caution.

That makes it very hard to know just what she can do on her own and what she needs hovering for.
post #43 of 80
DS2 is fearless like that. It's scary - really scary. This kid will bolt into a parking lot, with cars pulling out everywhere, and do so not 30 seconds after telling me all about the car safety stuff they learned from "Elmer the Safety Elephant" at preschool. He wants to run into a bear (we had one in our complex a couple weeks ago), so that he can "beat it up". He's just not getting it, yet...constant work in progress. I don't think having a daredevil older brother is helping. DS2 can't see that ds1 actually has a very good grasp of his own abilities and knows what he can handle - he's not just jumping on/climbing stuff without having a good idea that he can.

ETA: After reading the two posts below, I'll also mention that I'm about 99% sure ds2 has sensory processing issues - sensory seeking...it would explain a lot about why the last 3.5 years have been so...insane (although there have been other factors, too).
post #44 of 80
I also have a fearless 2 year old. I've always been very laid back about exploring and bumps and bruises, but she seems to be an extreme. I mean completely 100% fearless unless it's a loud noise. She is injured at least once a day and looks like she's been run over by a car a good deal of the time with bruises and scrapes. I've gotten to not letting her go on walks unless she's in the stroller going down hills or crossing roads because she's almost had her teeth knocked out and has had some huge bumps on her head from just running into stuff or falling face first down a hill. It scares the crap out of me how much she hurts herself. I'm starting to wonder if it's sensory related.
post #45 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
I also have a fearless 2 year old. I've always been very laid back about exploring and bumps and bruises, but she seems to be an extreme. I mean completely 100% fearless unless it's a loud noise. She is injured at least once a day and looks like she's been run over by a car a good deal of the time with bruises and scrapes. I've gotten to not letting her go on walks unless she's in the stroller going down hills or crossing roads because she's almost had her teeth knocked out and has had some huge bumps on her head from just running into stuff or falling face first down a hill. It scares the crap out of me how much she hurts herself. I'm starting to wonder if it's sensory related.
dd is like that too. She is impervious to pain. We had her looked at by an OT, and yes she has sensory issues.
post #46 of 80
The injuries on my 2 year old, yeah, same thing. Often, unless she knows that we have seen her fall (ie she wants the attention for it) we don't even realize an injury has occured until we see her with the fat lip or the bruise. There's not a day that goes by without a new bump or bruise or scrape appearing.

ETA: I am sure my dd does not have sensory issues, as she does react to pain. She just apparenly has a high pain tolerance. A couple of weeks ago, she tripped (on nothing) while running in the house and took a header right into the corner of a box of diapers. She hit hard enough in just the right spot that she got a cut within millimeters of her eye and her whole eye blacked up. That for sure caused a genuine reaction to pain. And within days of it healing, she bounced off the corner of the wall and cut and blacked the SAME eye. Again, genuine pain reaction. She also has no other real symptoms of a sensory issue, so I am not worried about that. She just seems to have a high pain tolerance and no concern for her own safety.
post #47 of 80
I'll admit I do some helicoptering with my almost 4 year old. I hate it but I have to do it at the park. I do restrain myself from saying "be careful" "watch out", "hold onto the railing". I really really try. And I let her wander all she wants to and go on whatever equipments she wants to, but I have to be pretty close.

Why? Because she is sooo clumsy. She nearly drowned in 1 foot of water at age 2.5 last summer at the baby pool. She could stand up easily but she panicked when her face was in the water. I was next to the pool (about 3 feet way). She panics in close quarters, especially with other kids around. Like at the indoor playgrounds at fast food joints.

Just last week, she was climbing up a ladder at the park, luckily I was close, because she slipped on the rung above her and I caught her 5 five feet off the ground. Then she was climbing a faux rock wall mountain thingie, more horizontally than vertically, and she slipped completely off and would have fallen 4 ft to the ground had I not been close enough to grab her by the leg before her head hit the ground.

A couple months ago, she left the steps of the pool (where she's allowed to play when I am not in the actual water with her-she has for months and months faithfully played on the steps and never once wandered into the pool without me, though I am watching her from about 3 feet away) and went into the water and started flailing. Her 7 year old friend in the pool actually pulled her out before I could get there. She forgot she couldn't swim. Now she has to wear a flotation device to play on the steps. This happened at 3.5 years of age.

I mention how far away I am in all of this because it goes to show you how she gets into danger even when I am close! The child can read and is smart as a whip but she does not have a lot of body awareness. She is enrolled in dance and soccer this fall in the hopes of her becoming more body aware and helping with motor skills.

ETA: and I question whether my being close is encouraging her to be careless and I try to take that into account. I felt like such the horrible mom during the pool incidents, of course. And I'm really hands off at home, she chops veggies, has 5 pairs of her own scissors, helps me sewing, etc.
Oh, but I also wanted to add that I, myself, am really really clumsy. I'm always dropping things or hurting myself. My dh makes fun of me constantly for it, since he's very athletic/coordinated. I once tripped while hiking downhill and eating a granola bar at the same time. I went tumbling down the trail, granola bar in hand So I wonder if it's a genetic thing, or if maybe she needs to be evaluated, now that I think about it....
post #48 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by LROM View Post
Some here have said this is totally kid/parent dependent. While there is no question that individual kids of the same age can have totally different skill sets, sense of risk and caution... (and then their parents understandably differ in how much they helicopter because of those differences), I also truly believe and have seen that sometimes parents' anxieties about little tiny stuff really affects their kids and can make their kids more anxious and maybe sometimes even stifle their abilities.
ITA. IMO, a lot of kids fall, wreck... specifically because their parents are interfering with their concentration by telling them to "be careful. Slow down. Woa - watch your step...." If the parents step back, hold their breath and let their child concentrate fully on the activity, then they don't fall.

When my 3 yo is racing down the hill on her bike on a rainy day (like today), and I hold my breath and just watch as she whizzes past a car, she is fine. She knows when to slow down, when approaching the turn to school to drag her feet to break.... She is concentrating where her body is, what it is doing, and on the things around her, how to avoid them (by an inch!). But.... if I say "stop DD. Slow down" then she is NOT paying attention to her body in space; she has turned her concentration to me. And then she is much more likely to fall or wreck. This goes for just about everything she does. So unless it is really critical (like biking off a cliff), then I hold my breath a lot and trust that she has built up the experiences to be in control of her body. And she has.
post #49 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by marimara View Post
Oh, but I also wanted to add that I, myself, am really really clumsy. I'm always dropping things or hurting myself. My dh makes fun of me constantly for it, since he's very athletic/coordinated. I once tripped while hiking downhill and eating a granola bar at the same time. I went tumbling down the trail, granola bar in hand So I wonder if it's a genetic thing, or if maybe she needs to be evaluated, now that I think about it....
I'm not exactly clumsy, but I'm not very coordinated, and have always been really challenged by athletic pursuits. It's funny you say that about tripping. Two weeks ago (yesterday), I went down hard enough to leave most of my shin, both knees, and one forearm covered in "road rash", and I also smacked my cheek during the fall. The scabs are mostly cleared up, and the shin and one knee (same side) are mostly just itchy, but there's definitely some scarring. What was I doing when I fell? "Hiking", which, in this case, meant walking along a flat, dirt trail, with virtually no tripping hazards. I seem to have just stumbled over my own feet.

And, honestly, after reading "The Out of Sync Child", I think I have a touch of SPD, focused in the proprioceptive area. I suspect ds2 also has this to deal with (as well as a fairly significant case of sensory seeking tactile issues). I always thought I was just an uncoordinated klutz...
post #50 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by marimara View Post
I'll admit I do some helicoptering with my almost 4 year old. I hate it but I have to do it at the park. I do restrain myself from saying "be careful" "watch out", "hold onto the railing". I really really try. And I let her wander all she wants to and go on whatever equipments she wants to, but I have to be pretty close.

Why? Because she is sooo clumsy. She nearly drowned in 1 foot of water at age 2.5 last summer at the baby pool. She could stand up easily but she panicked when her face was in the water. I was next to the pool (about 3 feet way). She panics in close quarters, especially with other kids around. Like at the indoor playgrounds at fast food joints.

Just last week, she was climbing up a ladder at the park, luckily I was close, because she slipped on the rung above her and I caught her 5 five feet off the ground. Then she was climbing a faux rock wall mountain thingie, more horizontally than vertically, and she slipped completely off and would have fallen 4 ft to the ground had I not been close enough to grab her by the leg before her head hit the ground.

A couple months ago, she left the steps of the pool (where she's allowed to play when I am not in the actual water with her-she has for months and months faithfully played on the steps and never once wandered into the pool without me, though I am watching her from about 3 feet away) and went into the water and started flailing. Her 7 year old friend in the pool actually pulled her out before I could get there. She forgot she couldn't swim. Now she has to wear a flotation device to play on the steps. This happened at 3.5 years of age.

I mention how far away I am in all of this because it goes to show you how she gets into danger even when I am close! The child can read and is smart as a whip but she does not have a lot of body awareness. She is enrolled in dance and soccer this fall in the hopes of her becoming more body aware and helping with motor skills.

ETA: and I question whether my being close is encouraging her to be careless and I try to take that into account. I felt like such the horrible mom during the pool incidents, of course. And I'm really hands off at home, she chops veggies, has 5 pairs of her own scissors, helps me sewing, etc.
Oh, but I also wanted to add that I, myself, am really really clumsy. I'm always dropping things or hurting myself. My dh makes fun of me constantly for it, since he's very athletic/coordinated. I once tripped while hiking downhill and eating a granola bar at the same time. I went tumbling down the trail, granola bar in hand So I wonder if it's a genetic thing, or if maybe she needs to be evaluated, now that I think about it....
See, I don't really see this as helicoptering (or "over-helicoptering" anyway). I could see how maybe someone watching you at a playground would notice you staying really close, but that in and of itself doesn't seem problematic to me at all. It's all the verbal and physical intervening when the child doesn't seem to be doing anything even faintly dangerous that seems over the top to me. But trying to be there to catch them when/if they fall, until they really show they are on top of it and most likely wont fall, that to me makes all the sense in the world.

DD is 2 and I took her to the pool recently, and you best believe I was right there practically on top of her at all times, because she's also fearless and hasn't a clue how to swim and I just wanted to make sure that the moment she went under (and she did several times), I was right there to pull her out. I did *let* her go under several times when I could have caught her before her head went under, because I wanted her to get comfy with being underwater and not be scared of it. Also trying to get her used to spitting the water out and not swallowing it. But I was never more than 6 inches away even though the water was so shallow.
post #51 of 80
My Ds1 was like the above posters - from about 12-30 months or so I always said it was a minor miracle if we didn't end up with a bump/bruise/scrape from *something* somewhere on his body - mostly his head And yeah, most of the time I couldn't tell you where any one bang came from. DS2 has arrived at that stage now too, though ds1 is mostly outgrown it and not quite so accident prone

Honestly though, I've never been one to stand behind ds1 while climbing stuff. He knows how to climb, and he knows I am *NOT* going to rescue him - our rule from the time the boys started climbing was simple: NEVER climb UP anything you can't climb back DOWN. And they know it. If they climb up something they can sit ontop of it and scream their little lungs out for an hour tilll they decide to climb back down - I'll help once, but after that their on their own. And they know it. And ds1 has never fallen from any significant height - cause' he knows I am *NOT* their to catch him.
post #52 of 80
My two year old, I don't helicopter at all- well except when she is swinging on hte monkey bars and giving other parents heart attacks. The three-next-month little girl I baby sit NEEDS to be helicoptered, basically to be told what to do next at every turn. Otherwise she won't do ANYTHING. She is very cautious, and needs a lot of direction or will walk right under the monkey bars or in front of swings. She does best when there are only a very very few kids on the playground= then she will go on the slide over and over happily.
post #53 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by marimara View Post
I mention how far away I am in all of this because it goes to show you how she gets into danger even when I am close! The child can read and is smart as a whip but she does not have a lot of body awareness. She is enrolled in dance and soccer this fall in the hopes of her becoming more body aware and helping with motor skills.
Have you tried having someone else keep an eye on her? I've heard so many stories of kids who were really "clumsy" when their parents were there and completely competent around other people. It'd be really interesting to know if she is clumsy or if it's a reaction to your concern about her.
post #54 of 80
I'm different depending on which kid we're talking about.

DS (almost 4) is cautious, but brave-he knows his body, is very athletic, excellent balance, fast reflexes. I haven't had to follow him around at the park for a while. He runs, gets dirty, gets hurt, plays with sticks (gasp!!) and I can stand and talk to my playgroup moms, and he just needs to stay in my sight and answer if I yell.

DD, however, is another story. She is 20 months old, and obviously I help her on the playground equipment as she tries to follow her brother. But she is pretty clumsy-has fallen HARD numerous times, can't/doesn't know how to catch herself, etc. I can often be heard telling her to be careful or don't run (on the cement) as she almost always falls, and then she's a screaming mess for the next 30 minutes, when I have FINALLY gotten her off my body to go do something where I don't have to hold her. This is the kid who has fallen over backwards like a felled tree just from looking up at me. But, she gets dirty all the time (has come home from DH's shop completely black from dirt) and I didn't freak if she ate something off the ground. I just know she gets hurt a lot and so I tend to follow her more.
post #55 of 80
DS is three and he likes me to play with him on the playground. He asks for help on the playscapes and wants me to catch him/hold his hand/give him a boost. He has some excellent fine motor skills (writing correctly with a pencil at 18 months) but he isn't the most graceful and is just now gaining more spacial and body awareness. He likes me close by. If I go sit on a bench he'll come sit with me, and then ask me if I will come play with him. He is an observer, slow to warm up, and very particular about his playmates. He has a few friends that he loves to play and can be very social, but when they aren't around he prefers to play with me. I don't mind - I enjoy his company and we have a lot of fun!

I have been accused of 'helicopter' parenting a time or two. I always find it amazing that someone cares enough to critique my parenting and judge the amount of time I spend with my child on the playground. I mean, really? I'm damaging my child because he asked me to hold his hand while he walked on a 12 inch retaining wall? Every child is different. I think most parents just try to do right by their children and be the best parent they can be. If someone does not like me assisting my kid on the playground, they should just put their feet up, read their book, and pay me no attention. No need to judge.
post #56 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamadelbosque View Post
Honestly though, I've never been one to stand behind ds1 while climbing stuff. He knows how to climb, and he knows I am *NOT* going to rescue him - our rule from the time the boys started climbing was simple: NEVER climb UP anything you can't climb back DOWN. And they know it. If they climb up something they can sit ontop of it and scream their little lungs out for an hour tilll they decide to climb back down - I'll help once, but after that their on their own. And they know it. And ds1 has never fallen from any significant height - cause' he knows I am *NOT* their to catch him.
Wow, I can't imagine doing that. I know that all kids are different, but my daughter is so cautious and anxious that I think this would actually scar her. I'm so proud when she actually has the guts to scale something high that I don't hold it against her if she fears coming down. It doesn't seem very AP to let a toddler scream for an hour because she's scared.
post #57 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
I also have a fearless 2 year old. I've always been very laid back about exploring and bumps and bruises, but she seems to be an extreme. I mean completely 100% fearless unless it's a loud noise. She is injured at least once a day and looks like she's been run over by a car a good deal of the time with bruises and scrapes. I've gotten to not letting her go on walks unless she's in the stroller going down hills or crossing roads because she's almost had her teeth knocked out and has had some huge bumps on her head from just running into stuff or falling face first down a hill. It scares the crap out of me how much she hurts herself. I'm starting to wonder if it's sensory related.
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post
dd is like that too. She is impervious to pain. We had her looked at by an OT, and yes she has sensory issues.
This has me wondering if the opposite might also be true. My DD1 is very cautious, always has been, and she also reacts very strongly (overreacts IMO) to pain of any/all kinds.

DD2 is a lot more adventurous, though she seems to know her limits, and isn't bothered by the dings she gets discovering those limits.
post #58 of 80
My kids will happily jump off 10' high climbing structures or from tree branches. I try to discourage that but pretty much sit back and am thankful we have good health insurance and they seem to have strong bones. Thus far they've each had a sprained foot and my oldest got an extremely abraded, bruised hand when his brother smashed it between two bricks, but no breaks or stitches so I think we're doing fine. I let them roam my mom's farm unsupervised and they ride bikes, scooters, and skateboards up and down the sidewalk after school most days.

I think I'm pretty much the opposite of a helicopter mom.
post #59 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Devaskyla View Post
Have you tried having someone else keep an eye on her? I've heard so many stories of kids who were really "clumsy" when their parents were there and completely competent around other people. It'd be really interesting to know if she is clumsy or if it's a reaction to your concern about her.
I have never heard that. I have one son with big sensory issues who is always hurting himself, just like me. I've always been the same way and it doesn't matter who is watching.
post #60 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by marimara View Post
Oh, but I also wanted to add that I, myself, am really really clumsy.
I prefer the term "spatially unaware" LOL I too am very clumsy. If there is something to trip on or walk into, you can count on me to do it. Unfortunately DS1 has inherited this from me. A lot of the times if you see me holding his hand while he is climbing something etc its b/c HE'S asked me too.

There are two kids in my son's class who get walked to school by their grandma's and both are "cautioned" to death on the way there:
don't pick up the stick its dirty
don't run on the sidewalk, you might fall
don't play with the ice, it might cut you
don't run too far ahead

I guess they must look askance at my stick wielding, ice playing, running ahead DS LOL
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