"Don't let him play with the PINK one!!"

[limabean]

That's what a mother said to her DP when we were at a museum playground over the weekend.

There was a digging area with a bunch of shovels of all different colors set out, and the dad and boy (maybe 18 months old) came over to play. The father handed the boy a (pink) shovel and the mother ran over shrieking, "Don't let him play with the PINK one!!" My mom and I instinctively looked at each other with surprised/confused expressions and I think the mother saw (oops! ) because she said, "...well, we're going to take pictures..."

I felt bad that she felt judged, and I definitely learned a lesson about keeping my facial expressions in check, because I didn't intend to shame her for her words, but I was truly caught off guard to hear such a strong sentiment about a baby (or toddler, or kid, or teen, or adult for that matter) playing with a toy that happened to fall within a particular wavelength on the spectrum of visible light. It's just so weird and arbitrary to me -- I've never heard a similar phrase uttered about a girl playing with a blue toy, or a camo-patterned one for that matter. And, not that this necessarily matters, but we were in the SF Bay Area at the time, which I think of as a rather progressive area of the country.

Anyway, I guess I came away with 3 lessons:

1) People are weird.
2) I shouldn't go around pulling faces right in front of people unless I want them to know how I feel about what they're saying.
3) The Bay Area Discovery Museum is awesome, especially the playground.

[Nicole730]

I like what you learned.

I am almost guilty of doing something similar with DS. He loves a pink shirt that was a handmedown for my daughter, but it fits him right now and not her yet. He was wearing it when we were going to be taking pictures on a trip and, on the inside, I wanted him to change. I found it odd that I felt that way because I encourage him to like an assortment of colors and toys and purposely buy him so-callled "girl" stuff. It was eye-opening for me that I thought that way. Maybe your facial expression will make the other mom realize that it's silly to care about colors like that!

[lach]

I am a bad person, because I approve of your judgment and I'm glad that the woman realized how ridiculous she sounded.

[One_Girl]

We were talking about a similar subject in the staff room at a daycare I used to work at. A surprising amount of parents don't like their boys doing anything perceived as girl stuff. One dad actually came in and grabbed a doll out of his son's hands, dropped it on the ground, and kicked it then told his son not to play with girl stuff. I think some parents are funny that way.

The facial expressions are so hard. I hear all kinds of stuff at my new job that make me want to say something, but I also need my job so I have to keep a calm/go with the flow look on.

[treeoflife3]

I probably would have made a face. Sexism is very close to the top of things that anger me most. Especially over stupid stuff like COLOR. It angers me especially that sexism against boys and men is socially acceptable and even considered not just normal, but FUNNY. But now I'm about to start on a rant that isn't about babies and colors...

[liliaceae]

Originally Posted by lach

I am a bad person, because I approve of your judgment and I'm glad that the woman realized how ridiculous she sounded.

[butterfly_mommy]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

One dad actually came in and grabbed a doll out of his son's hands, dropped it on the ground, and kicked it then told his son not to play with girl stuff. .

My grandmother would have freaked. She always said "If you can do that to a doll, you can do that to a baby"

That's just crazy

I wouldn't have wanted a picture with the pink shovel either. Not because pink is a "girl" colour but because I hate pink! So I would have said "not the pink one" whether it was my DS or DD.

[WindyCityMom]

Originally Posted by treeoflife3

I probably would have made a face. Sexism is very close to the top of things that anger me most. Especially over stupid stuff like COLOR.

YESSS! That and boys have to like cars and girls have to like princesses.

Slightly OT but of the same nature... My MIL has a bunch of board puzzles for the kids (my DD and her nephew, who is 2) to play with. Whenever her nephew comes over she always pulls out the one with the cars and trucks. It seriously irks me! He'll go and try the animal one or the shape one but she always pulls out the other one "Here, use this one!".

She always refers to personalllity attributes as being more "boy" or "girl"... when talking about BABIES!! A 5mo baby boy is rough because "Thats how boys are?" You've got to be kidding me.

Ok, semi hijacking rant over But I feel you, OP. I think it's nuts.

I too need to keep my facial expressions in check.

[kcstar]

We were road-tripping to see the grandparents, and took a restroom break at a gas station. We always buy *something*, sometimes just a pack of gum, but this time DS picked out a baseball cap and wanted it. We had a hard time getting him to let go of it long enough for the cashier to scan the tag.

It was pink, and I found myself conflicted about it. I finally decided that it was HIS choice, and if DS wanted to wear it that was okay.

[Belia]

Count me in with those who would have made a face and been fine with putting my expression out there for all to see.

I would not ever want to appear to tacitly agree with sexism.

How else will things change unless people are challenged in their beliefs, even if the challenge is as small as a surprised expression and nothing more.

[MusicianDad]

I really wouldn't care if she was upset that I made a face at her "OMGZ!!!! Not pink" type reaction. At the very least, it just means she won't consider me worthy of friendship, at the most it might cause her to perhaps rethink her ideas on colour.

I would consider it even better if she notices my own reaction while I'm an wearing pink.

ETA: DS loves pink, and purple. He would have loved to have a pink shovel to play with.

[NewMaMaZenLovin]

This is EXACTLY why I opted not to find out the gender! My kid will have the rest of it's life to have society impose its gender roles (that means me too. what I subconciously will do because of what society has imposed on me. Nasty cycle) Right now its just a baby and its gender is it's business till baby decides to come out. =)

[philomom]

Originally Posted by lach

I am a bad person, because I approve of your judgment and I'm glad that the woman realized how ridiculous she sounded.

[Latte Mama]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

I really wouldn't care if she was upset that I made a face at her "OMGZ!!!! Not pink" type reaction. At the very least, it just means she won't consider me worthy of friendship, at the most it might cause her to perhaps rethink her ideas on colour.

I would consider it even better if she notices my own reaction while I'm an wearing pink.

ETA: DS loves pink, and purple. He would have loved to have a pink shovel to play with.

This. Right down to the having a DS loving pink & purple, oh and flowers too,the horror!

[Wild Lupine]

Count me in on the OK with making a face. I think by-standers play a pretty big role in setting social standards. A spontaneous, surprised face will go a long way towards her getting her to think twice about what she said, whereas a critical comment would probably just put her on the defensive.

[mamadelbosque]

I'd have probably made a face to like 'uh, ok, crazy lady'. I mean, really? Who cares!! Though I do understand the sentiment somewhat - DH wasn't too happy when I got one (1) pink bumgenius diaper when ds1 was a baby... he never put it on him I did, but if it was the last diaper, he'd go look for another.

[2xy]

When DS1 was almost 3yo, he asked for a baby doll for Xmas. My FIL threw a fit, saying it would turn the kid into a sissy. I asked him if he helped care for his children when they were little. And he went into a whole "Yeah, but...." explanation.

Anyway, I bought the boy a baby doll, which he proudly named Mufasa, and told FIL that if he didn't be quiet about it I would also buy a toy vacuum and ironing board to go along with the doll.

Yes, people are weird and irrational. I wouldn't worry about the surprised face you made at the park. When people do stuff in public, right in front of you, it kind of becomes your business (even just for a few seconds).

[COgirl19]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

We were talking about a similar subject in the staff room at a daycare I used to work at. A surprising amount of parents don't like their boys doing anything perceived as girl stuff. One dad actually came in and grabbed a doll out of his son's hands, dropped it on the ground, and kicked it then told his son not to play with girl stuff. I think some parents are funny that way.
.

I find this very sad, and kind of disturbing that he went as far as kicking it. The last thing in the world we need is more "macho" men who need to prove how masculine they are.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

We were talking about a similar subject in the staff room at a daycare I used to work at. A surprising amount of parents don't like their boys doing anything perceived as girl stuff. One dad actually came in and grabbed a doll out of his son's hands, dropped it on the ground, and kicked it then told his son not to play with girl stuff. I think some parents are funny that way.

The facial expressions are so hard. I hear all kinds of stuff at my new job that make me want to say something, but I also need my job so I have to keep a calm/go with the flow look on.

This is really sad. My son has a doll stroller (I'm working on finding a doll that I like to go in it) and its PINK. Oh man, one has never seen such a hideous shade of pink (it was a dollar, OK? don't judge the ugly pink stoller) and my son wanted to take it to his dad's house and I was really surprised that his dad didn't care at all about ds pushing a pink doll stroller around! Not that he should, b/c he pushes a stroller around with his son in it (not a pink one, but he probably would if it had ds in it!).

[Storm Bride]

Count me in with the "I see no problem with making a face" crowd. I've long been aware of people's hangups about pink (and I actually don't like pink, but I like it no better on girls than boys - it's my own issue). But...a shovel?? That's just over the top, even for the gender-related pink stupidity.

Originally Posted by One_Girl

We were talking about a similar subject in the staff room at a daycare I used to work at. A surprising amount of parents don't like their boys doing anything perceived as girl stuff. One dad actually came in and grabbed a doll out of his son's hands, dropped it on the ground, and kicked it then told his son not to play with girl stuff. I think some parents are funny that way.

That's horrifying. Aside from the asinine sexism inherent in the "girl's toys/boy's toy" nonsense, how on earth has a doll come to be considered a "girl's toy". Even when men haven't been involved much in the child rearing, you still saw most of them taking a turn walking the baby around, for crying out loud! Babies are part of the human experience, and being around them is something that happens for both genders.

And, kicking it?? That kind of freaks me out. That dad's got issues.