When is it safe for baby to cosleep on soft bed? (outgrowing arm's reach cosleeper)

[blake201]

Sorry if this info is easily available, but I couldn't find it online--at what age is it safe (or is it never safe?) for a baby to cosleep with parents on a mattress that is too soft for cosleeping with a newborn? And if not, where could I get an inexpensive fold-away mat for occasional cosleeping on the floor?

I ask because I have a queen-size bed that is pretty pillowy/soft (it's one of those memory-foam-type mattresses and is incredibly comfortable for us and cost a lot when we got it)... it clearly does NOT meet safety recommendations for cosleeping, we can't afford a new mattress right now, and hubby can't sleep on firm mattresses. So baby girl (2 1/2 months old) is in an Arm's Reach Mini Cosleeper next to the bed.

It's certainly better than her being in the crib in the other bedroom, but there are a few problems:

(1) I'd like to at least occasionally be able to cuddle up with her for a nap, even if not for the night. She loves falling asleep while nursing in the side-lying position and I hate having to move her to the bassinet. A mat would solve this problem...

(2) She is growing FAST--she's already 13 lbs and 24 inches long, and she is not going to fit in the mini cosleeper much longer. The only other safe sleeping place we have for her is a regular-sized crib in the 2nd bedroom (where my mother sleeps on an even smaller and squishier bed, she is staying with us on weekdays to take care of DD while I am at work), but I didn't want her to move to another room until she was at least 6 months old. And honestly, even that feels too early to me--I like having her next to me and I don't want to have to cross the apartment to nurse her in the night. But there is no way baby girl will make it to six months in the cosleeper, and the crib doesn't fit in our room...

(BTW, we live in an 800-sq-foot apartment, so we are tight on space).

Anyone else dealt with this? Suggestions?

[onyxravnos]

i might just put her right in your bed...but other ideas.. could you make her part of the bed firmer somehow? a thin board maybe?

or- bring crib into your room put it next to your bed.

[akind1]

We have a soft-ish mattress also, and until DS was maybe 4 months old, when he slept in bed with us, he slept in the crook of my arm, or on my chest. that way I didn't have to worry about if he turned his head into the mattress too far or something.

Once he started rolling and moving on his own, I just let him sleep beside me.

Do you have room for a full size arm's reach? we used this until around 6 months, now he starts the night in his crib, and then I bring him to bed with me when I go down for the night.

[CinCanada]

Until my DD was able to really lift her head from side to side & roll over I often put the Pack 'N Play mattress under the fitted sheet of my bed as we also had a very soft pillow top. It worked fairly well as I could take it with us to travel & could easily move it out of the way if need be.

[Adaline'sMama]

My DD wouldnt stay asleep in the Arms Reach, so was in our double pillowtop since about day 5. I recently upgraded to a firmer queen, and she does sleep better now.

[blake201]

CinCanada, the PnP mattress under the fitted sheet sounds like a great idea. We don't have a PnP right now (since the Arm's Reach works as a travel crib for the moment) but have been planning to get one for travel soonish, so that might work great! I will try it as soon as I can.

To other posters--sadly, no, there is no way to fit the crib next to the bed, or even a larger regular sized Arm's Reach. The Arm's Reach mini fits EXACTLY in the space between our bed and a permanently installed dresser/bookcase, and the other side of the bed is up against our closet. If I had unlimited space/money, we'd just buy a firmer king-sized mattress and put it on the floor.

Thanks everyone for your responses!

[blake201]

Thought I'd give an update--we still don't have a real solution for when she outgrows the mini cosleeper, but what I've been doing lately is initially having her sleep in the cosleeper, then after her early-morning (usually 4 am) feed, bringing her into bed next to me, carefully positioned on her back in the crook of my arm so she can't roll into the mattress (and with no pillows or blankets anywhere near her). I love snuggling with my baby girl and it makes early morning nursing way easier, but I still feel slightly nervous about the squishiness of the bed--will probably take her in bed more often when she learns to roll over on her own.

[marinak1977]

FWIW DS was sleeping on our soft-ish memory foam mattress since day 1. I was very careful to lay him in the crook of my arm, with his face resting on me/facing up (he slept on his side cradling me). It worked great for us and was very safe. And I loved the cuddles. Now my little man needs more space, and I usually get to sleep in whatever position I want (which is great for my back), but I still love when he snuggles up to me in his sleep.

[Snapdragon]

edited because I misread the post

[Louisep]

I think it's okay as long as the baby doesn't roll onto her face and is unable to roll back again - it's a suffocation risk right? Or wrong?

We used a sleep positioner until ds was about 6 months that kept him on his back and it had a firm piece of fabric for him to lie on.

Sounds like your dd is an amazing sleeper!

[Super~Single~Mama]

My ds slept with me in my ex's soft matress bed from day one. He had decent head control at birth and could turn his head and lift it, so I didn't worry too much. And I was in tons of pain from a bad tear so I could move around all that much without help - it was the only way anybody got any sleep. He did fine.

[Lirazel]

We have a pillowtop too and we just flipped the mattress over so the firmer bottom is on top. DS has slept in our bed since day one and at first I would keep him in my arm or on top of me, tummy to tummy, but now that he's bigger he's fine doing whatever.

[blake201]

Yes, I'm worried about suffocation. Z has great head control but she hasn't learned how to roll over and I don't want her getting squished into the mattress. So right now I very carefully hold her so she stays on her back as we sleep, and it makes for soreness in the morning, but otherwise she won't go back to sleep after her morning feed. She has only a few inches to go in the cosleeper though.

The other confusing thing is I've read conflicting things about bed rails--I know you're supposed to keep baby on the mom's side and not between parents, but I also read bed rails can be unsafe if babies are too small. So I just stay as close to my edge as possible but put her between me and hubby held against me lying on her back--there seems to be plenty of room and he never really moves in his sleep.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I wouldn't worry too much about putting her in between you and hubby - my ex never moved in his sleep either, and so ds was fine between us. And, it was great when ds got a tad older and I wanted a break from the nighttime cuddles, I'd just roll him over to daddy and he didn't even notice.

[akind1]

Before we had a bed rail (and honestly, DS always is sleeping at least 6 inches away from the thing) I mostly kept babe in the middle. At first, I slept on my side and kept a hand on DH so I would know where he was, to make sure the smallest one in our bed had the most space of any of us. After a while, it just didn't seem necessary any more.
From 0-3 months babe slept entirely in the co-sleeper, I would only take him out (we nursed upright then) for night time feedings.
From 3-6 months he started out in the co-sleeper, and I brought him in bed after that first waking. By this time we had figured out side-lying nursing
At 6 months, I put up the co-sleeper as DS didn't seem all that comfortable in it anymore, and we co-slept full time.
Just this last weekend, at 10 months, DS is sleeping in his crib all night. (we are on day 4) He always started the night out in his crib and we brought him to bed when we went. But we decided to let him stay in his crib and see what happend. What happened is that he STTN and so did I! go figure. :irk

Anyway, babe should be fine between the two of you. but if you like to switch sides on occasion (I can nurse from both boobs from one side, but sometimes I would rather not), I have a Munchkin bedrail from Target that I . nice and tall, and fits a king sized mattress!

[blake201]

akind1, this is very helpful! We mostly nurse side-lying. She starts in the mini cosleeper (which she BARELY fits in at 3 months old, she's TALL and no longer froggies her legs when she sleeps)... and when she gets up in the night I nurse her side-lying on either side (I can nurse from both on one side too, but it's a little uncomfortable) on our queen size bed.

After that she generally falls asleep snuggled up next to me. I still worry about the squishiness of the bed since she doesn't roll over on her own yet, and I don't know what I'll do when she can't start the night in the cosleeper. I'm thinking about moving some furniture out of the room or something to try to get the bigger cosleeper to keep her in our room for few more months, but where it would go I have no idea.

[marinak1977]

I felt a lot more comfortable with my DS sleeping in the bed when he got good head control and could hold it up for a little while when on his tummy. I saw him correct himself (lift his head and turn it to the side) when he was on the tummy and he could do it in his sleep after changing position. He could do this safely at about 7 weeks. So even though he wasn't rolling yet, he could get himself out of trouble of sleeping on his face, and avoid suffocation. I still had to make sure that the pillows and comforter were away from his face when we went to sleep. It definitely made our nights much more restful. This is just my experience of course, so take with the grain of salt.