Why are kids SO inconsiderate? - Page 2

[odenata]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs

It's so awkward and sad, isn't it? I mean, I've told my 4 yo since she was 2, "when someone says hi, it's nice to smile or wave back". How hard is that? Bleh.

My dd is shy and finds it difficult when new children approach her. We are working on that, but right now, she doesn't always respond when someone says hello, and she's not doing it out of rudeness.

It seems to me that there are lots of possibilities here other than the kids being deliberately rude, and I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by odenata

My dd is shy and finds it difficult when new children approach her. We are working on that, but right now, she doesn't always respond when someone says hello, and she's not doing it out of rudeness.

It seems to me that there are lots of possibilities here other than the kids being deliberately rude, and I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

Actually, my daughter is like it too, the 4 yo I said in the quote above I've been doing it with since 2....so maybe that's why I'm feeling so strongly about this topic, because I have a kid who I could see ignoring others as she got older. About half the time she does not respond to people who greet her. I still tell her every time (gently, not meanly), that I expect her to give some kind of acknowledgement, a wave or a small smile or a nod or something, anything. She doesn't *do* it every time, because she's only 4...so I do it for her when she doesn't, and then remind her privately (again gently, not harshly) that while she doesn't have to *talk to* everyone she meets or have conversations or play with or even like every person she comes into contact with, she should at least briefly acknowledge them if they greet her.

I get that the kids in the OP were alone, excited about the first day of school, and potentially other things were going on, I just...I feel like people are pulling into themselves out in public so much (cells, ipods, game systems, etc.), and it makes me sad...so I guess I feel like it's not too much to ask of another human being to somehow acknowledge another's existence, and to start teaching/expecting it in school aged kids.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I don't totally buy the "this is life" thing.

There are kids ranging from 5 to 13 on our street, and for the most part, they all play together.

Really?!!! you dont see this 'ignoring' happening everywhere. not all the time but at parks i see it often enough.

on your street the children all know each other. they are familiar.

in this particular instant this was the first time.

i suspect once the kids see each other regularly this 'ignoring' possibly might go away.

but stranger kids ignoring stranger kids happen all the time.

in our school yard i rarely see non class mates playing with other grade kids, unless there is a reason to like siblings friends, or neighbourhood friends or anything else.

[Linda on the move]

but for us, the kids who are waiting for the bus together are the same kids who run together the rest of the time. It's the kids who live on the street. I'm fuzzy on why the bus stop would be the ONLY time you'd see these children.

My kids go to a private school so don't catch the bus with the other kids, but they know all the kids at the bus stop. They are our neighbors.

[meemee]

i think while the kids might be from the neighbourhood they probably dont know each other. they dont play together. you might see the kids but might not have ever spoken or played with them. so in a sense they are strangers.

now if this ignoring continues after the first week, yeah i would be mad at the kids. but if they start seeing each other everyday even though they might not be buddy buddy at least they might acknowledge each other.

however in my limited experience i have seen kids stand up for other kids they might not acknowledge but are familiar with. i find these kinds of interactions fascinating.

[BMG580]

Originally Posted by laohaire

DD will go to the playground or lake, and the majority of children are - well, I can only say "unsocialized." I don't expect everyone to want to play with my DD, but the most common response to her friendly advances are things like outright ignoring her, glaring at her and turning their backs, stuff like that. We've observed it's not related to ages - children her age, younger and older all do it about equally. A few are sociable, and again it's not age-related. The kids that play with her range in age from 3 to 8 (DD is 5).

This is our experience too. My oldest is very extroverted and social, but certainly not rude when approaching children at common areas like the bus stop or playground. She attempts basic social interaction with other kid and also at times receives those sorts of blank eyed stares in return. I've always chalked it up to other children being either introverted or not interested in playing with her and lacking the social tools to decline her attempt to make contact in a kinder way.

I will say this too, I have been shocked and dismayed at the kind of behavior children will display in front of me when their parents are not around. When I was a kid you simply would not act like a complete jerk to someone else, especially if another parent or their parent were standing right there. Kids have no boundaries and have no fear of social or parental problems as consequences of bad behavior.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by meemee

in our school yard i rarely see non class mates playing with other grade kids, unless there is a reason to like siblings friends, or neighbourhood friends or anything else.

Maybe it's regional or something, but every time we go to the schoolplayground after school, kids of all ages play together. The school is K-5. I'd say the K-3 kids mix very regularly....the 4&5 kids less so, but they still do on the play equipment, not as much running around. The entire first 5 minutes we're there is everyone stating their first name and what grade/teacher they have.

[Zoesmama]

Awww. My daughter is the same way. Chatty and trying to make "friends" if only for the present. Maybe they are shy but still you'd think they'd reply with a few words.

It does have a lot to do with how they are brought up.

[lookatreestar]

aww my dd constantly gets shut down at the playground. she will walk right up and say hi, and try to engage kids. sometimes they do play back and it is so fun. if not she goes right on playing by herself. she knows not to push or pester the other person because we all like space.

i personally like being friendly and making small talk with people we meet on walks or at the bus stops. i met some really awesome people that way.

[junipermuse]

I am very chatty personally, but I understand that a lot of people aren't. Also if I'm standing at a bus stop and having a private conversation with a friend, that's not a time when I want someone coming over to me and trying to start a conversation. If someone did come over and try to engage me in a conversation while I was with my friend I would probably give them a quick acknowledgement and then turn away indicating I wasn't interested in talking with them. It's a subtle move though that I wouldn't expect a 3rd or 5th grader to have necessarily figured out. They may not know how to indicate that they are uninterested in talking to him without outright ignoring him. But even if they had that probably still would have left you feeling bad. But I think children shouldn't have to include everyone all the time, they have the right to their private conversations with their friends, just like adults do. Of course it is also nice to teach them to be gracious and to lookout for someone who may be new and need to be included. But it can be hard for children to do without guidance. Not to say the parents haven't been working on it already, but it can take a long time for many children to learn and it sounds like the children's parents weren't there to help them see that your ds might need to be included. You know what might help is to make an effort to forge a relationship with these kids at other times, so that they already feel like ds is a friend. Go down and ask if you can all walk to the bus stop together. Or take the kids aside and ask if they wouldn't mind being a helper to ds since he's new and he really looks up them since they're big kids. But also there is a lot of rejection out there. I don't think many people get through life without a fair amount of rejection, so it's also a good idea to teach your child to not take it personally.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs

Maybe it's regional or something, but every time we go to the schoolplayground after school, kids of all ages play together. The school is K-5. I'd say the K-3 kids mix very regularly....the 4&5 kids less so, but they still do on the play equipment, not as much running around. The entire first 5 minutes we're there is everyone stating their first name and what grade/teacher they have.

there is something to be said about after school.

our school does not allow children to play in the structure after school. so many of the kids use the park close by. THATs when what you describe happens