Other UPs...Help! I am losing it...

[thelocknestmother]

I love my spirited DD (3 years), but I have had it lately...She is so aggressive to her friends, at rare moments to the baby (5 mos) and to her dad and me. Today she has hit me, kicked the baby, and then hit her dad twice. She whines, she yells, she endlessly repeats requests. I nursed her down for nap, and then she immediately woke up screaming at me...and now is refusing to nap (if it weren't for her so desperately needing naps for her mental health and physical health I would sooooo skip them). Today in the grocery store parking lot, she had a major fit about holding hands/staying close to me and was almost hit by a car, then had a complete meltdown there). I am just sick of being hit, of her hitting others (I like seeing her and my friends, but it is so stressful and exhausting now), of being screamed at, etc. I am crying as I write this. I try so hard to do everything "right" (per UP), and I feel lost...I feel like just giving up on one hand, then on the other screaming at her about how lucky she is to have a mommy like me (I was shamed, physically disciplined, etc.) On top of it all, I have been trying to give her extra attention...lots of fun, special things to do, have been letting the house go to make sure she is truly well cared for, etc. I just have had it, and don't know what to do about the rest of the day...or tomorrow...sigh

[COVegMom]

This is such a difficult age. We are just coming out of this phase. What you are describing sounds like exactly what age 3-3.5 was like in our house. It made me sad that I could not enjoy my child many days.

I tried hard to take it as an opportunity to model expressing frustration and making requests in an appropriate way. I would state that his behavior was not acceptable. I would state how I felt when he acts that way. Then I would tell him what I would prefer that he do instead. And I screwed up a lot, so I had a lot of opportunities to model apologizing for behavior that I regretted.

Just like with infant/toddler hitting, with repetition of what I wanted him to do instead and time to develop emotionally, eventually it sunk in. And the extra time and attention pays off too. But there were definitely some weeks that I was starting to think I had made a huge mistake using UP. Now I am seeing once again why it is I chose this path in the first place. Hang in there!

[Dingletwitz]

Hang in there, momma. It's 3! I can't tell you how many times I've had to say to dd "what you're going seems dangerous to my body, so I'm going away until you can use some words with me instead of your feet/hands/head. Let me know when you're ready for hugs and a try-again". I had to. Just had to. (Meanwhile wishing she'd fall over asleep and let me have some peace!) Or the tantruming! yikes! In my own upbringing this would have brought on some major violence from the maternal unit--so I think some of my internal reaction was simply the conflict between the "potential" experience she might have were she me at that age and the "real" experience I wanted her to have. I had to keep reminding myself that I am a champion mom. I can handle anything. Bring on your worst. I'll be your best. I don't need to control you. I need to offer you a chance to learn it yourself. yadayada.

This too shall pass. It will. Promise.