My child is mean

[Ellen Griswold]

He's 7. So, I'm not expecting perfection here. And this is mostly hopefully a vent, because I realize he'll grow out of it.

But I'm so sick of it.

On a daily basis, he's simply rude/mean to the little girl (one year younger) that I babysit for after school and virtually everybody else. For example, my son, "B, did you watch so-and-so on tv last night." B, "No, I didn't." Ds, "Well, I did. HA HA!" We come in from school and the kids go inside and I get the mail. I hear ds having a conversation with dd (3 yo). He's asking about a toy she got at the store today. The INSTANT I open the door, he's DEMANDING to know why she got a toy and that he wants something (and, good grief, I was planning on doing something special with him this weeknd. Like I want to do that now . It's the same no matter where we are or who we are with. I think children avoid him at school because of some of this and I feel bad about that. His father and I are pretty careful about what behaviors we imitate in front of him and neither of us act like this. He's at least started to be contrite afterward, but it's usually just to get his own way. "Mommy, I'll go clean my room. And then I can get what I want." Not in so many words, but that's about what it is.

It's the same whether I ignore it. It's the same whether I get mad. It's the same whether I try to praise positive behavior. And I'm tired of it!!!! He has ADHD with major impulse control issues and we're working on that. But I hate the fact that my kid acts like a jerk. Somebody tell me that they've been there and done that and that their kid is awesome now. Tell me that this is age appropriate. Tell me what I can do to help him (and help me too.)

[lilyka]

Honestly I think the attitude that he will grow out of it is dangerous. Chances are he will not just grow out of it. It is going to take a lot of consistent constant teaching and discipline to help reshape his thinking. If he has ADHD and you are just starting treatment etc hopefully his Dr. or therapist will be able to address this quickly and positively. I know when my friends son started on medication he was just not as mean to begin with and also a lot more responsive to discipline and instruction.

Not all kids know how to act positively. My dd had a really hard time reading social clues and expressing her self in social situations properly. She still has some issues (she is almost 14) but is 99% better. It wasn't just correcting the bad stuff and stopping undesirable behaviors but it was also proactively teaching her what she should say and what she should do. And it was intensive. She was by my side for most of two solid years.

[childsplay]

My DS is 7 as well. Earlier this year he went through a real nasty streak....saying he hated people, swearing at his sibs, calling the daycare babies stupid, etc.
One night he told me that I just ignore him all the time and he hated it.
True. Sort of. He was the world's easiest child up until then, and, with lots of other kids around.....many high needs/clingy, he was easy to overlook. Sounds horrid, I know. But he was the kid who'd grab a snack and head upstairs to play, and reappear at suppertime.
I knew I wasn't going to change his behavior without changing my own. So I did, while I didn't lavish all the attention on him all the time, I gave him more responsibility in our home, and with that more privledges, and rather than let him sulk off when he came home from school while I looked after the l/o's , I put the l/o's in front of the tele with a snack and spent time with DS (reading, prepping supper, and talking) .
It worked. The meaness hasn't resurfaced and we all feel better.
I'm mentioning this only because you said in your post that you have a daycare child in your home, maybe his nose is out of joint a bit....
Best luck to you and your little guy, I know, it's a wretched feeling when you see your child being mean.

[SilverLace]

I like what childsplay had to say and I do think that often poor behavior arises out of an unmet need (or also a new,uncomfortable developmental stage).

However- my DSS has AS and ADHD and has some pretty similar issues. He truly lacks impulse control and prior to being medicated (with Tenex) we were correcting and explaining pretty much everything he said.

I'm bringing this up to point out that there truly is a difference between NT kids and non-NT ones. I had always believed very deeply in loving, gentle, explaining based parenting until I lived with a kids that it didn't help.

Your son needs some kind of help (maybe more than one kind) to learn what he needs to. We have found the most help through my DSS's physician and therapist.

[Ellien C]

I could have rewritten that post. Very much struggling with my 7.5 year old daughter. Especially today. No ADD but she can be extremely angry. I've seen her be very mean to classmates - sarcastic and with a HUGE attitude. It only gets worse as she gets older.