Our next door neighbors have a boy and a girl. DD plays with both of them, though it's really the girl she really likes. The boy was previously nice to her, but this summer he started on a mean streak. He has taken to pushing DD and telling her that he doesn't like her, and also swearing at her (F off, for example - though he will say the full word). I am totally confident my DD is not initiating these interactions, she is not at all aggressive or anything, shares well, etc.
I am not here to judge, I care for the boy and am thinking it's a phase. Oh, and I think he's witnessing this behavior between his parents, who are going through a rough time. They are good people but it's not easy for them, and they fight a lot. The girl herself went through a mean period, but she seems to have mostly come out of it.
Usually both kids might wander over to the house, and previously that was fine. Now DD doesn't want to play with the boy, and I don't blame her. That's ok with me. I'm not writing him off, if and when he calms down they can be friends again (if DD is willing). So if the kids wander over together, is it acceptable to tell the boy that DD doesn't want to play with him, that he's been mean, and can he please go home? Also, he will definitely ignore us, so this would involve us escorting him back home and also telling whichever parent is there that their daughter is over but we're sending the son home, and why. They are nice people, so I'm not envisioning a confrontation, but i would want to be kind about it if we did this. Something like "I know he's been going through a rough time, and DD is just kind of scared of him right now, when he's calmer we'd be happy to have him over again."
The alternatives as I see them are:
- To just let him come over and play and accept that he may say or do mean things to DD. Given my hearing and vision impairments, it's not realistic for me to be right on top of every interaction - DD will have to come to me to report the transgression. And then I guess I could send him home then, but since DD doesn't want to play with him, won't that teach her that she has to expose herself to meanness whether she likes it or not? I'm not sure I want to teach this to her. She has a right to not be friends with people who don't treat her well.
- To just not let either of the kids come over, which would be a shame since it's a lost friendship with the girl.
Please note that though I don't hear or see this going on, the boy's sister corraborates whatever DD says (and often reports the issues herself) and the boy himself freely admits it (yesterday, for example, DD told me he pushed her, his father got wind of something going on and asked him what he did to her, and he pantomimed pushing). I just wanted to mention that in case you are thinking we have a different situation, like my DD scapegoating him or whatever. Oh, and other adults have witnessed this stuff firsthand too (my husband, the boy's mother, etc.). So it really is happening.
I am not here to judge, I care for the boy and am thinking it's a phase. Oh, and I think he's witnessing this behavior between his parents, who are going through a rough time. They are good people but it's not easy for them, and they fight a lot. The girl herself went through a mean period, but she seems to have mostly come out of it.
Usually both kids might wander over to the house, and previously that was fine. Now DD doesn't want to play with the boy, and I don't blame her. That's ok with me. I'm not writing him off, if and when he calms down they can be friends again (if DD is willing). So if the kids wander over together, is it acceptable to tell the boy that DD doesn't want to play with him, that he's been mean, and can he please go home? Also, he will definitely ignore us, so this would involve us escorting him back home and also telling whichever parent is there that their daughter is over but we're sending the son home, and why. They are nice people, so I'm not envisioning a confrontation, but i would want to be kind about it if we did this. Something like "I know he's been going through a rough time, and DD is just kind of scared of him right now, when he's calmer we'd be happy to have him over again."
The alternatives as I see them are:
- To just let him come over and play and accept that he may say or do mean things to DD. Given my hearing and vision impairments, it's not realistic for me to be right on top of every interaction - DD will have to come to me to report the transgression. And then I guess I could send him home then, but since DD doesn't want to play with him, won't that teach her that she has to expose herself to meanness whether she likes it or not? I'm not sure I want to teach this to her. She has a right to not be friends with people who don't treat her well.
- To just not let either of the kids come over, which would be a shame since it's a lost friendship with the girl.
Please note that though I don't hear or see this going on, the boy's sister corraborates whatever DD says (and often reports the issues herself) and the boy himself freely admits it (yesterday, for example, DD told me he pushed her, his father got wind of something going on and asked him what he did to her, and he pantomimed pushing). I just wanted to mention that in case you are thinking we have a different situation, like my DD scapegoating him or whatever. Oh, and other adults have witnessed this stuff firsthand too (my husband, the boy's mother, etc.). So it really is happening.
