Do people make you feel stupid for not CIO?

[Youngfrankenstein]

My youngest is 9 months old and still wakes several times a night. I am used to it by this point but some days it's waking at 4, 5, 6, 7 and then I'm up. That is taking it's toll.

I don't really go out of my way to talk about her nighttime sleeping because I have noticed people get almost irritated with her...

So now I had someone look at her and say "You have a rude awakening coming, lo. Mom's gotta let you CIO soon so enjoy this while you can!" and today a mom was asking me if I fed her every time she woke (a very popular question). I said no but otherwise I gave her her binky or rocked her back to sleep. Then I got the "chuckle" and she said "Well do you just let her cry?" and then said baby would realize "mom's not coming to get her so there's no point waking up."

I always get a feeling like people think I'm missing the "obvious" answer to what they perceive as a problem. Like: "Duh! Just let them cry, problem solved!"

I guess I really should just keep my mouth shut about the whole thing.

Vent over....

[NewMom610]

I deal with this and my son is only 2.5 months old!

Where I live people are either very into attachment parenting or the complete opposite. Admittedly, my friends are a mixed lot, but a few have had "success" with Babywise. They aren't pushy about it, but one did buy me the book last week after I said baby woke 6 times one night!

I just try to ignore it. Everyone means well. Even my parents have brought it up, but I just tell them that there are lots of ways to parent and we have chose a different way. None is better than the other...blah blah blah.

I'm going to try to not say anything any more. I just don't understand CIO, and if you preface it by saying, "It was SO HARD to listen to him cry for an hour..." you aren't exactly encouraging me to try it.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by NewMom610

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I'm going to try to not say anything any more. I just don't understand CIO, and if you preface it by saying, "It was SO HARD to listen to him cry for an hour..." you aren't exactly encouraging me to try it.

So true, the person who told baby she'd be CIO has done it and still does, every nap and nighttime...going on about 6 months...so I don't see it "working" anyway.

[mumkimum]

I've found this is just something just better not talked about unless you have a lot of strength to deal with other people (so save your complaints to vent on MDC) this is true even sometimes among those who don't do CIO. My older dd was like yours, for about 2 years (maybe more? I try not to remember. . .). I offer you and .



You can also say "uh, of course she wakes up still. . . she's x old" (as in an 'everyone knows that' tone). Because it's true.

[akind1]

not stupid, but maybe a softie; I just can't do it. When it comes up, that is how I explain it, same with co-sleeping, I just say "we aren't ready yet for baby to leave the bed" we meaning DH, DS, and I.

when it comes to CIO though, I just say, I enjoy nursing, rocking to sleep. I won't get to do this forever, so I enjoy it while it lasts. I will miss it one day.

[P.J.]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

So true, the person who told baby she'd be CIO has done it and still does, every nap and nighttime...going on about 6 months...

My stomach sank as I read that. It's tremendously heartbreaking to think of all the babies screaming alone. *shudders*
But yeah, in just a few months I've learned not to discuss sleep issues or cosleeping ("You'll never get him out of your bed") with people. I can't wait to see what happens when I'm still BFing after age 1
Good thing we have MDC!

[kittywitty]

Wow. No, I haven't. I live in a very "non-crunchy" area and have still never had comments like this made to me. I would probably say something really snarky and rude back.

[Adaline'sMama]

I've had these comments made to me, both by people in non-crunchy area I live in, and in our family. At first, I was really snarky about it, now I just outright ignore it. When people ask me if she sleeps through the night I simply reply , "yep". If they dont know me well enough to know my policies, I dont feel bad lying to them about her sleep habits. Same with "is she a good baby?".."yep" (because I dont think there are any bad babies, but i just dont tell them that)

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by P.J.

My stomach sank as I read that. It's tremendously heartbreaking to think of all the babies screaming alone.

He's 21 months now and still cries for 45 mins for bed each night. She says you have to develop the "policy" of throw them in the crib and run away. She and her dh actually slept in the basement for a few nights when they were first doing this because it was hard to sleep through the screaming.

[Ruby2]

People are insane. That's the only logical solution that I can come to on this subject. My MIL thinks that I am very specifically insulting her by refusing to use CIO. She has decided it is the same thing as saying she was a bad mom. It's best to just avoid brining it up if at all possible. I told her the subject is off the table.

To respond to your question, no, they don't make me feel dumb. They make themselves look dumb!

[octobermom]

I've really never delt with anyone saying I should CIO I have known ones that do. My brother but so far no real push for me to do it. I've always had a good sleeper though so its not a subject that comes up..
Oh I guess I have heard it from my MIL but she is a nut

Deanna

[Tattooed Hand]

It is exactly as Ruby says - people think you are attacking them personally because they did CIO. When people ask me why I don't do it, and I tell them I think it's cruel, they get all defensive. so I don't say anything but at the same time everyone acts like I am some extremeist matyr. Or else, I should shut up about being tired. Ugh.

[SilverFish]

around the one person i know for sure has "sleep trained" their baby and had it "work" i.e. the baby goes down every night at 7pm and sleeps until 7am without out a bit of fuss, i kind of know what you mean about feeling like an idiot. but honestly, the baby might not cry now, but i'm pretty sure there were a few rough nights in the beginning, and if the baby has that kind of sleep pattern, chances are he would have started sleeping that long anyway with gentler methods or no method at all. and the once or twice i have witnessed him having a hard time falling asleep, i just feel bad for both of them. she could save herself a lot of work by just going into him as soon as he starts crying, instead of waiting to see how long he'll go on.

i just have to remind myself that cio isn't an option for me. actually, i'm more or less against any sleep "method"... so we just take sleep as it comes and don't worry about it too much. we have a few bad nights here and there, but they're always linked to something... if I'M allowed to have a few sleepless or cranky nights, surely my 6 month old is entitled to them!

[NSmomtobe]

Yes. I have been told by so many friends, family members, and health professionals that getting them to CIO in a crib is the *only* way he will ever learn to sleep through the night and that co-sleeping is dangerous and unhealthy.

When my doctor told me that the evidence was clear on this issue, I asked for more information on the research. He backtracked and said, "well, it's certainly not as clear as, say, the research on treating pneumonia with antibiotics, but... it's my opinion..." and I said, "Exactly. It's your opinion." But then I get to listen to CIO "success" stories and I have to keep looking up the reasons not to do it because it can be frustrating to hold such an unpopular position, especially when sleep-deprived. My DH wants me to send him links now because his friends have started in on him and he wants to defend our anti-CIO position.

[LeaPea]

My FIL just gave me the CIO talk. My daughter was crying because she was tired and I was trying to soothe her and get her to sleep. He approached me and told me that sometimes babies just need to cry. He told me that when my husband was young he would put him on a blanket and let him cry himself to sleep!

[Tway]

Ah, yes. The visiting nurses who came when DD was a newborn warned me against sleeping with her on my chest, cosleeping, not letting her cry... they said it was bad for ME and that I was creating a bad habit for DD. Here I was, severely sleep deprived and ready to lose it, and a health professional was dissing the only way I had of getting DD and I any sleep. I can't tell you how many times I cried in front of them out of sheer frustration.

My parents, who are a HUGE help to us and love DD to pieces, even tell me once in a while "you know, it's OK to let her cry". And I get huffy and tell them the bad news about CIO and they just repeat that my sis and I turned out fine.

The worse, though, are strangers who ask if DD is sleeping through the night and either 1) gasp in shock when I say no, 2) offer unsolicited advice or 3) tell me how their kids STTN after 2 months/1 week/3 hours/6 nanoseconds.

Luckily, I have 2 very close friends who coslept and I can see how well their kids sleep now, at 4 and 6. So I've learned to trust my instincts and I also see DD's sleep improving, however slowly, over time.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by NSmomtobe

health professionals that getting them to CIO in a crib is the *only* way he will ever learn to sleep through the night .

This is so funny because my ds2 slept through the night at 6 weeks. Same mother, same upbringing, different sleep personality.

[katelove]

No, they don't make me feel stupid because I firmly believe that CIO causes damage to the baby's growing brain. And I say that as a mother of an almost 4 month old who feeds every 1-2 hours over night.

To be fair though, I don't really discuss our sleeping habits much so I don't have much opportunity to hear other opinions.

[odenata]

I just don't discuss my babies sleep habits, unless it's with people I know share my parenting views on this issue. I'm happy to get advice or consolation from them.

Random people who ask, "Does he sleep well?" just get a vague, "Everything is going fine." It's usually just something to make small talk, anyway.

If someone pushed the issue with me, I probably would say that I don't parent in ways that are counter to my instincts. Also something about the Harvard study that concluded, "Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."

[AmyKT]

Originally Posted by Ruby2

.

To respond to your question, no, they don't make me feel dumb. They make themselves look dumb!

Exactly this. I'm proud of not CIO and if someone asks me about my DDs sleep patterns (which is so weird, anyway), I have no qualms with telling them that I gladly respond to their needs every time. Well, maybe not always gladly, but willingly.