Do people make you feel stupid for not CIO? - Page 3

[HeckedyPeg]

Originally Posted by nicole528

My mom, who can NOT understand my parenting choices ("You just make things so much harder for yourself") has not said anything to me specifically in a long time about letting my DD CIO. She does throw in little digs here and there by saying things like "Jim and Cindy are such good parents. Their baby is so well trained".

I know at least two children that were 'sleep-trained' based on the "BabyWise" book (for those not familiar, it puts babies as young as 8 weeks, maybe younger, on a very strict feed/play/sleep schedule). Both of the children, one is 10 yo and the other is 3 yo, are now extremely insecure and have some serious issues. The 10 year old has been described as sad, lonely and almost dark. The 3 year old is extremely insecure, cries all the time and clings to her mom for dear life. And both their mothers still push "BabyWise" claiming it is a must...such a disconnect. And these are the mothers that look at me like I'm stupid...

DD is almost 10 mo and I couldn't imagine placing her in a crib and shutting the door behind me, saying 'good luck, see ya in the morning'. I don't know how people do it....I don't want to know! I'm going to go hug my little girl now!
Happy Friday!!!

-Nicole
Mama to DD (11/09)

I love how people say "trained", like babies are dogs!

Most people I know who CIO still have bratty kids, so I don't know why they're always patting themselves on the back for their "superior" parenting skills.

[pregnant@40]

I tried the CIO method for one night, and it was horribly painful. I just cried and cried in the next room. So we did co-sleeping until he was 5!

My doc was supportive & told me that I can choose the "pull off the bandaid quickly" method (CIO), or the more slow approach of co-sleeping. CIO works, but it causes more tears in the short-run for child and parent. The slow approach can be very prolonged (as it was for us), but is emotionally less painful.

Honestly, I have no idea which better serves the child. Friends of mine w/ kids who underwent the CIO method seem just as happy and well-adjusted as my own child. It's just that my son was (is) SO sensitive...

Now that I'm pregnant again, I have no idea which method I'll choose. If I co-sleep w/ the second one, the first one may want to crawl into bed w/ us. There's no room! So I'm taking a wait and see approach.

[Mama2mc]

My SIL does CIO, and she gets very defensive about it, but at least she doesn't bother me. But I do have a cousin that does CIO and tells everyone how great it is, and that you're obviously stupid if you dont, "because babies need to learn not everything is about them..." My heart broke for her babies because the little ones were sooo obviously hungry, but she wouldn't give them more formula (no breastfeeding) because she didn't want them "to get fat". Poor babes

[Tway]

Originally Posted by WaitingForKiddos

It's sad that a baby's worth is determined by how long they sleep.

That's so very well said.

How can a baby be "good" or "bad" based on their sleep patterns? I have bouts of insomnia and it sometimes takes me hours to fall asleep. I guess people must think I'm pure evil.

[Love Wins]

I'm so glad I saw this because I was just coming on MDC to ask how to handle those "is she sleeping through the night questions", at 8 weeks old! Because EVERYONE asks! Normally I just say she's a great night sleeper, which is true. We live in a very non-crunchy area, and most people CIO and follow Babywise. My SIL just had a baby, and no kidding, they put their baby on a schedule in the hospital! I was tempted to CIO in the beginning, when I was trying to understand my baby, since that is all I've ever known. The churches around here hold Babywise classes all the time. Thank GOD, my mom, sister and one friend encouraged me to do what I felt was right! I know CIO is supposed to be mostly for your convenience, but when did parenting become convenient?!?!

OTOH, since most of the kids I know are CIO byproducts, most, if not all, seem well-adjusted and confident. Maybe their parents make up for it with extra love after the baby stage. Who knows.

Bottom line is, I can't listen to my LO scream and cry....I would much rather feed her, cuddle her, talk with her, and watch her stare into my eyes, examining me, while cooing and giggling. She is worth waking up several times a night for.

[lovepiggie]

My DS slept through the night (8 hours) at 7 weeks old... and never again!

When people ask though, I usually just say yes. It's easier than explaining that he stirs several times throughout the night, and I nurse him back to sleep, but he very rarely wakes completely.

And when people tell me that I'll have a hard time getting him out of my bed, I usually just smile and say that I like cuddling, so I don't mind And then I let them shake their heads, and mutter all their nay-sayings.

Honestly, I love waking up in the night to nurse DS. I don't see why people would want to go 12 hours without seeing their baby! And he's so funny when he talks in his sleep.

[goldingoddess]

Honestly I just try not to talk about the down-side of co-sleeping when I'm around people who do not co-sleep too. When I use to get the, does baby sleep through the night questions, I would say, no, it is not normal for a breastfed baby not left to cry to sleep through the night, but that co-sleeping makes it so much easier because I barely have to wake up to feed the baby.

Now that my little man is older than two I just tell people he STTN, even though he wakes up once or twice to snuggle in closer.

[Lauren31]

Honestly, I have no idea if DD sleeps through night bc she DOES sleep all night long, mostly with my boob in her mouth every few hours. She never wakes up and honestly, I rarely do either... I tell people she sleeps 12 hours a night. Cause she does. If they ask about if she sleeps alone, I tell them. Then I get the "look", usually followed by a comment like, "hmmm... spoiled baby." haha How can a baby be spoiled? For reals? If it does not bother me, why should it bother you if my baby breastfeeds during the night?

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by lovepiggie

I don't see why people would want to go 12 hours without seeing their baby!

I wouldn't mind but of course if she were actually sleeping

[sk8boarder15]

My baby isn't even here yet! And I get trouble because they see the nursery and there is no crib.... the crib is sidecarred!!! My step-dad was like "oh your gonna be crazy like your sister" and I looked at him and said, I'm breastfeeding and I am NOT walking down the hall every time my baby is hungry and I won't lay there and let him cry! Then my mom looked at him and said that if she had thought about it I would have roomed in with her because for months I ate every 2-3 hours at night and it was horrible having to go get me every time! Yay mom! He didn't even believe me when I told him that rooming-in is now medically recommended....

Already getting garbage for saying I will feed on demand and not let my baby cry. I can't let my NEPHEW cry... heck I can't let my DOG cry!! How on earth could I let the most important thing in my life cry when there is something I can do about it?

Also already getting crap for exclusively breastfeeding, not circumcising, wanting a natural birth (just take the meds, its easier that way....) and even occasionally for cloth diapering! What the heck people? Take a chill pill!

[lizsky]

Thank you for this thread. Yes I do feel dumb sometimes...I know I don't need to pay attention to what other people say, but I am so tired right now, that their comments do get to me. And every once in a while I start to wonder if they are right and I'm wrong...

DD is 6 months and a typical night lately has been for her to wake up at 11, 1, 3, 3:30, 4, 4:30, 5, 5:30 and often is up for the day at that point.

Do I wish she would sleep longer? Absolutely. I'm SO tired. But leaving her to cry just feels wrong.

[Path2Felicity]

My DH and I are adamantly against CIO. But, there are times when we do feel dumb because other babies we know are sleeping SO well and their parents seem so... refreshed. For example, DH and I both had a stomach virus this past weekend and DD decided that she was going to wake up several times in one night. She always nurses when she wakes up. Well, in the middle of a nursing session, I had to vomit (sorry, TMI), so I had to hand her off to my husband and she was screaming bloody murder until I was done and could come back.

It IS difficult. And I wish I could just respond with: "This is our method and it works for us"... but the truth is, we barely hang on sometimes. Wish we had more support. My mom does support me, though, which is great. I am just exhausted.

But, even with our sheer exhaustion, the thought of putting DD in a room by herself to CIO makes me shudder. I just picture her in there, just wondering where her mom and dad are. Looking around, being alone, crying. That, in my opinion, is cruel and unusual punishment for a crime she did not commit. So, no matter how hard it is for us sometimes, we just could never imagine it another way.

Parenting is hard. I feel that in our society, we try to make things easier so that kids don't become too hard for us. My SIL is another Babywise-er. We were just at their house visiting. She put her daughter to sleep (her daughter was crying and whimpering when her mom had to leave the room) at 8 PM. At 11 PM, she went to "check" on her- her poor child was still awake, sucking her thumb in the dark room. All by herself. My SIL didn't think anything of it, but I was in tears. My heart ached so much for her. It was so hard for me to witness. She is about 2.5 years old and her thumb is raw from her sucking on it so much- and she has developed a pretty bad overbite. Her mom says that her sleep is worth the expense to give her braces later on in life. I don't know what to say to that.

I recently started work and my mom watches DD during the day (for the most part- her dad and me sometimes stay home and do work remotely). My mom brings her in for lunch time for me to nurse. Otherwise, DD doesn't drink milk from a bottle, but she does eat food to satisfy her hunger and drinks water to satisfy her thirst while I'm gone. But, she's on me, sucking on me almost all night long. My mom thinks I'm a fantastic mother for doing this, and when she told my brother of my sacrifices, he responded, "Well, isn't that tough for my sister?" And I want to say, WELL, DUH! But, my SIL has unfortunately brainwashed him too, and neither of them really think too much of sacrificing of themselves more for alternative parenting techniques.

Anyway, I guess the point of this post is to point out that: a) co-sleeping and nighttime parenting is NOT easy. We have a right to get frustrated and go through periods of expressed difficulty. b) the alternative is too heartbreaking and can possibly damage the baby, mother, and their relationship in the long run. So, I would rather a over b any day.

[laughingfox]

People don't make me feel stupid for not CIO, but they sure try to.

When people ask me if she sleeps through the night, I usually say something like "Nope. Neither have I. I can't fault her for wanting a drink in the middle of the night; I do the same thing. Luckily I keep her in my room, so it's easier to feed her and get back to sleep."
I try to put my answer in perspective and point out that room-sharing isn't about martyrdom, without coming off as insulting.

[Artichokie]

No. They tried, but we just repeated "that is not part of our parenting philosophy" over and over and over until they finally got it.

[Tway]

Originally Posted by Path2Felicity

Parenting is hard. I feel that in our society, we try to make things easier so that kids don't become too hard for us.

That is so very well said.

It's kind of like starting a new job. You're a little lost and confused, you're out of your element, and you just want to do the right thing. And when you love your job, you invest in it--staying late, working a weekend or two, taking on extra projects. Then one day you realize your efforts are paying off, and you get a raise, a promotion, a bigger office, or whatever.

And maybe it's the same with raising a child. You start off doing the hard stuff--the late nights, the marathon breastfeeding, the crying... then the disciplining, the teaching, the explaining. And when you love your job as a parent, you invest in your kids--and, hopefully, that investment pays dividends and you have a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child.

Parents who CIO are kind of like those coworkers who come in at 9:15, take a 2-hour lunch and steal the Post-Its.

[JudiAU]

No.
Sometimes they make me feel angry. Mostly I feel sad for them. People are so mean to babies. I really struggled with my first because of what people told me. But these boards actually really helped me understand that it was normal. It has been much easier with my second because I have different expectations. Being OKAY with my choices makes a big differences. And mil, who seemed to take everything personally, finally stopped talking.

I had an aunt who practiced (no joke) Christ-led baby wise. :::shudder::: Failure to thrive.

I'll admit to the occasionally snarky comment too. Oh no, we don't do anything mean like that... I am not perfect.