My friend took a "parenting class"

[vatechmom]

My friend just had her first baby less than 2 weeks ago and I talked to her for the first time last night. I asked "so have you fallen into any kind of schedule" - I worded it that way b/c we are a denfinitely a non-schedule family, but I find babies "fall into" their own eventuallly. Anyway, she went on to tell me how she and her husband took a parenting class and have been pushing the schdule thing for 8 days consistantly now. She said " we lay him down 1 1/2 hrs after his feeding and just let him cry until he falls asleep, sometimes he screams for an hour" I didn't know what to say! I just said " I never could let Todd cry like that, I tend to think that babies cry for a reason even if it's to just be held". I tried to tell her to trust her insticts more and loosen up. I just emailed her the CIO study by Harvard, I hope I'm not being too pushy. I just can't stand the thought of her driving herself nuts and that poor baby crying just for the sake of a shedule that some nut-job parenting teacher told them about. Honestly, what are people thinking telling new parents to do this to their chlid? Ah, just had to get that out!

[candiland]

That is unbelievable. I would find out when and where this class is taking place and bombard the instructor/parents with the studies that prove how harmful this form of (non)parenting is!

[mocha09]

What Candiland said.

I can't believe a parenting class would condone that. (Welll, actually, I *can* believe it, but it's still completely disgusting.)

I remember how lost and unsure I felt as a new parent. I can understand how easy it might be to follow someone's logical advice and move away from your own instincts, especially if your instincts are a little cloudy from lack of sleep or support. It sounds like your friend really is in need of some alternative information. I'm glad you are providing it for her. It's hard to do that in a way that doesn't offend. Have you given her a copy of the Baby Book or some of your Mothering magazines or anything? Just to offer as resources?

[traceface]

I have a good and well-written article about that Harvard study too, that I have sent to people.

. Also maybe you could send her info about even the CIO advocates (Ferber I guess) don't reccommend it with *that young* of a baby! I mean show her that what she is trying to do is extreme by anyone's standards

Not that I promote the idea of CIO once the baby gets to 4 or 5 months, far from it - but at least this would delay it and then hopefully in the meantime she'll get all attached and in tune with her baby and feel her way through in a gentler way...

[1jooj]

I guess I'd ask what the class was. I know people who have taken classes based on Ezzo, and run through their churches. It used to be called "Growing Kids God's Way," but the title may have changed. If that's it, point her to this site.

[shelbean91]

If they lay him down 1 1/2 hrs after his feeding, he's probably ready to feed again?!?!?!

[famousmockngbrd]

It makes me feel like to think of that tiny infant crying by himself for an hour! Is she nursing him? Does she go to LLL? I know that may sound OT but maybe try the "milk supply" angle to get her to be more responsive to him.

[DebraBaker]

I would bet good money she took an ezzo class.

These classes undermine the normal bonds that parents and newborns form. These classes undermine the normal affection parents show as well as just good normal old fashioned compassion for a tiny newborn baby.

Ferber, et. al. don't even recommend CIO until around six months.

http://www.ezzo.info/index.htm

I couldn't exaggerate how harmful these parenting classes are. The classes are the Christianized version of the Babywise series. These classes are much more dangerous because the Ezzos mix warped "Biblical" views with their own, ahem, peculiar notion of how parents should rear their children.

It's neatly packaged and marketed as "G-d's Way".

Your friends need to be warned because at minimum they won't be able to say that no one warned them about this drivvle.

Debra Baker

[Scout]

I have given several of my new-mom friends "No-Cry Sleep Solution." I can't tell if they are offended, like I'm trying to pass off my own parenting style on them, but I don't care. I know there are some Ezzo books circulating (or have circulated) among some of these friends, so I just offer another view and present it as a great way for developing sleep routines and understanding how much sleep babies generally need and what is "normal."

It's a tough thing. We need to follow our instincts. It could very well be that some moms feel it's okay to let their newborn cry alone, and to those moms I don't know really know what to say. But for most, I think it is completely UNnatural to do that, and they just need to know that it is okay.

[LunaMom]

Originally posted by shelbean91
If they lay him down 1 1/2 hrs after his feeding, he's probably ready to feed again?!?!?!

Shelbean, that's exactly what I was thinking! He's only two weeks old, so he must be hungry about every two hours or so. It pains me to think that this baby is crying from hunger for an hour without being fed. It's almost making me cry thinking about it.

It's like torturing a helpless creature. OMG, how awful. Please tell your friend that he may be hungry, please. She could be starving her poor baby and not even know it. What kind of insecurity will result from a two-week-old baby learning that he can't depend on his parents to feed him when he's hungry?

*shudder*

[maman_d'alex]

OMG that sounds horrible. Do find out what kind of class it was, and give her plenty of info on the stupidity of Ezzo!!!

[Nate]

Oh, this made me cry when I read it! That poor little baby...

Do let us know if you have any follow-up conversations with your friend, please!

[vatechmom]

Thanks for all the replies, now I don't feel like I was being too pushy by sending her info. I took your advice and sent her info on Ferber as well, mainly to demonstrate that even that method recommeds waiting several months. I got an email back from her saying that she appreciated the info and that they had given up on the scheduling thing I still want to find out what class it was, that Ezzo crap is crazy! I plan on calling her soon to find out how they are doing, I hope her poor little baby will recover!

[Nate]

Oh, good! An idea--do you have a sling you could lend her?
Maybe it's just b/c my dd turned 1 and I've been remembering last year at this time (also probably b/c I was super tired when I read it for the first time), but your story has really affected me. I just want to go over there & pick that baby up, or hang out & do things around the house for the mom so that she can just be w/ her baby & reconnect.

I told dh about this thread & that I started crying while reading it, and (aside from being horrified) his advice was that maybe I shouldn't read so many things on Mothering.com if I'm going to get upset...: