Seriously, How do you do it? - Page 2

[rainbow_mandala]

It was also hard for me when my first was a baby...so much to get used to, so much to stay on top of, plus we were practicing elimination communication so I needed to be aware of that as well. I didn't know if I was doing it "right" because they're not talking yet to tell you how they feel. I just had to go with my gut and go with the flow. Just when you feel like you have things figured out, they go and change on you again...that first year is so hard, so much rapid growth on many levels. It's enough to make your head spin!! Especially if you're a perfectionist like me, you really have to learn how to relax and not be so hard on yourself

He'll be 4 when his little sister or brother is open, and that feels like a good age gap because he has become more and more independent, off exploring the world without as much of a need for mommy's attention all the time. I also have experience with taking care of a baby, so I'm sure I won't be as stressed this time around.

[lizsky]

I really hear you. Thank you for your post, it makes me feel less alone.

Originally Posted by TSomm

Sorry, in addition, sleep has been fleeting the last three nights due to teething issues.

I think this is huge...my DD is 6 months and is a poor sleeper. (Usually wakes up every 1-2 hours all night long). The rare night when she sleeps longer stretches I feel like a different person. I wish I could say that I got a lot done around the house on those days, but I certainly feel a lot more energetic and hopeful. hugs mama. I'm hoping it gets easier for both of us.

[Drummer's Wife]

Hang in there. I had really "easy" babies (IMO), which is probably why I decided to keep having them (we have four, all 2 years apart). It has gotten a lot harder as they've gotten older, and often we just take it one day at a time. More kids is definitely more work, but they also entertain each other a lot.

I hope you can get some help - either with housework or with childcare at least once a week. Maybe then you'll feel like you are on-top of things better and have some time for yourself.

[AmyKT]

It has never been easy for me, either. I feel guilty saying this, but I sometimes look forward to going to work on Mondays just so I can have a little time to myself and run errands on my lunch break. I'm on maternity leave for #2 right now, and occasionally dreaming of work already. It's not that I don't love my children more than anything in the world, I'm just one of those people that likes "getting stuff done." Then I can relax. It's necessary to keep me sane. My husband, on the other hand, is cool with taking it easy and just being with the girls, and that's why he is the SAHP.

That said, when DD1 reached 18 months or so, she really liked helping me or mimicking me, so I could unload the dishwasher or do laundry with her "help." I LOVE that. I really love getting stuff done with my daughter.

And as for the one and done concept, I thought that for the first 6 months or so, and I could have been happy with one if the second hadn't been in the cards, but all of my friends with more than one kept telling me that having two was easier in some ways because at some point they can play together rather than always needing you.

I came back to say that although I am still a high strung sort of person, I'm finding it much easier to adjust to having two children than just one. The change of life that takes place when you go from having no children to having one is never really talked about. It's HUGE! Especially for people like us. Also, my first child is very high need. Yours may be, too.

[nicole528]

Wow...this thread was exactly what I needed to hear tonight.

I've been feeling so overwhelmed recently. I work part-time from home and part-time outside of home and my house is a mess and I haven't made a decent meal since I can't remember when (luckily DH likes to cook). My DD is 9.5 mo and it has been a roller coaster since the minute she was born. She is on the high needs side and although it has gotten much easier since she was about 7.5 mos, we still go through good weeks and exhausting weeks.

I was talking with another mother today and her LO is just turning a year old. She was telling me all the things she cooks and all I was thinking....'Wow, you cook. What the hell am I doing wrong when I can't even find time to think about cooking?" After she left, DD wouldn't go to sleep, I was exhausted and I just cried and cried. I always wonder how people do it with more than one....I'm just praying our next child is not so "high needs". Anyway, tonight was just one of those nights....so I come to the one place I feel that makes me feel better...MDC !!! Good night, everyone!

-Nicole
Mama to DD (11/09)

[Norasmomma]

I'm in the minority, babies are easy, DD slept as a baby but from 14 months to 2-ish she was AWFUL. Messy house, crying mom, crabby kid-I really hated her toddler years. She was soooooooo much more enjoyable as a baby. I remember at 19 months DH and I had a long talk about our plan of having another kid. Both of us were scared to death of having another child like her. She was a train-wreck most of the time. I remember watching parents of other kids her age who would sit and play while I was running laps around them chasing her.

DS has been even easier as a baby, except his needing to be held in arms much of the time. He now is walking, but he actually listens to the word "no" as in no get off the coffee table. He will, DD would just give a look like you can't do a darn thing about it, get over here and get me down-I dare you.

I am actually a better mom to 2 then I was to 1, I'm more balanced. For me life with a 4 year old and an 11 month old is much better than most of DD's toddler years, she was just intense.

[lach]

Different babies definitely have different needs. I've had two easy babies and two high-needs toddlers. And it was during the "easy baby" phase with each that I decided to get knocked up with another one... only to have the next one be born during the high-needs toddler phase. Well I'm DONE now. I'm getting my tubes tied before I get sucked into "aw widdle babies are so cyoooooot! I need another one!" again. 3 kids in a little over 3 years is just totally nuts. I'm sorry, but it just is.

The thing is that the more kids you have, the more organized you have to be. I just don't have a choice. The kids have to eat, and I had to figure out a way to do that. I tend to make one meal ahead. While they eat breakfast (which is something like a bagel or cereal or instant oatmeal that takes about 30 seconds to prepare), I make their lunch. Including pouring drinks. Then I stick it all in the fridge, and at lunch time I just have to put it in front of them. While they eat lunch, I prep dinner as much as possible. Dishes usually wait until the end of the day, or I do 1 or 2 at a time throughout the day until I hear a scream of pain or terror and have to rush to the scene of whatever's happening.

That's just one example, but as you get used to things you just sort of make it up as you go along and you figure out what works.

[P.J.]

Aw, mamas I am so in this boat!!!

We also have what I think is a "spirited" child, but have NO IDEA what a "normal" baby is like. He is also colicky and still has not fully outgrown that. Ugh. Aside from colic DS is just simply one intense, strong-willed, very physical little guy. Yesterday we had one of "those" evenings where he was soooooo fussy and crying and screaming and I was pushed beyond the end of my rope. By 8:30 I had to call home my DH who was visiting a friend to come rescue me. I sat there sobbing so hard, feeling like a terrible mother.

I have also had plenty of thoughts that there is NO WAY I'm doing this again. Ever. But we shall see... I sometimes read the toddler and discipline forums, which may be a bad idea since it makes me fear for what's to come, if DS is already so intense. And I too wonder how mamas with 2+ kids, or single moms do it. I sometimes think I am not cut out for this, because I feel like I get to the end of my rope too easily...I would say it happens maybe every few weeks or so where I literally cannot take anymore and if it weren't for DH taking over I'm not sure what I'd do. But I think our boy is particularly "difficult" and intense, which does allow me some forgiveness for nearly losing it every so often. And yes my house is a chaotic mess and I have to often resort to instant-style food, and I miss being able to cook every night but oh well.

So yeah, so fully right there with you ladies. What a relief to know I'm not alone. I was so naive in thinking how easy it would be to have a cute little baby to play with all day. Yeah right!
Thanks for starting this thread.

[HeckedyPeg]

I'm with you- the time flies by so fast in one day, I hardly get what I need to done, not to mention "fun" crafty stuff! I have to finish school before I can even think of having another kid- I have some major exams in my future and it's hard enough to study with just the one!

I've got six younger brothers and sisters though, and there was a point early on when they all started amusing each other, leaving my parents plenty of time to do whatever they wanted (of course, they also had me, the eldest, as their "live-in nanny"! lol)

[BetsyS]

Originally Posted by Norasmomma

I'm in the minority, babies are easy, DD slept as a baby but from 14 months to 2-ish she was AWFUL. Messy house, crying mom, crabby kid-I really hated her toddler years. She was soooooooo much more enjoyable as a baby. .

This is me, too. Crazily, I've gotten pregnant twice now at 13 months postpartum--just as I'm thinking, "oh, this baby thing is GREAT!" and right before, "oh my word, who is this crazy toddler and why is he in my house?"

So, I have 3, all 23 months apart. It's harder, and it's easier. I take the baby with me to cooking classes, shopping, all over, and it feels like a huge break. When I just had one, I needed time away from him. Time with him certainly wasn't a break. So, perspective changes, too.

[BetsyS]

Another thing, for me, is that the seasons of life change.

When I had my first, it was just me and him. Dh travelled from early Mon morning to late Thurs night, every week. So, me and a baby. Aack! That's a long time without conversation, you know? And, at supper time, he was very, very fussy. So, I got in the habit of just waiting until he was asleep to eat. Cause it wasn't worth it to eat alone with a fussy baby sitting next to me. That worked, but I was eating at 9pm every night, too.

Fast forward 4 years. Now, dh is home in a timely fashion every night (goes in early to make it happen, but it's a priority now), and I have 2 other littles to feed. So, every night, I cook for 4 people. Well, these days, even if a little baby is fussy, I deal with it, and I still eat my supper. I might nurse at the table, I have used a highchair since birth to have him right next to me, and sometimes, he just sits on my lap. But, I eat when the rest of my family eats, fussy baby or not, because otherwise, the rest of the craziness of the evening gets in teh way, and I'll miss supper. Something that just wasn't the same with my first.

[lach]

Originally Posted by BetsyS

Another thing, for me, is that the seasons of life change.

When I had my first, it was just me and him. Dh travelled from early Mon morning to late Thurs night, every week. So, me and a baby. Aack! That's a long time without conversation, you know? And, at supper time, he was very, very fussy. So, I got in the habit of just waiting until he was asleep to eat. Cause it wasn't worth it to eat alone with a fussy baby sitting next to me. That worked, but I was eating at 9pm every night, too.

Fast forward 4 years. Now, dh is home in a timely fashion every night (goes in early to make it happen, but it's a priority now), and I have 2 other littles to feed. So, every night, I cook for 4 people. Well, these days, even if a little baby is fussy, I deal with it, and I still eat my supper. I might nurse at the table, I have used a highchair since birth to have him right next to me, and sometimes, he just sits on my lap. But, I eat when the rest of my family eats, fussy baby or not, because otherwise, the rest of the craziness of the evening gets in teh way, and I'll miss supper. Something that just wasn't the same with my first.

This is so true. When DD was born, my life revolved around her. I ate, showered, slept, cleaned, cooked when she slept. When she was awake, I was at her beck and call. She was pretty happy to amuse herself, though, so I did a lot of crafting... particularly since I got the things I needed to do done while she napped.

When DS was born... well, my life still kind of revolved around DD. She had to get to preschool, playgroup, swimming class. She had to have decent meals at dependable hours. She made requests of things she wanted to do (walk around the block, visit the little girl next door, go to the museum) and "no, we have to sit around and stare at the baby" wasn't really an adequate excuse not to do these things. She had to be home to nap in her bed... no more of this catnaps in the carseat/carrier/stroller. Now that I'm expecting #3, DD and DS are both in that camp where they have people to see and things to do and set schedules that they need to follow, and #3 will also just have to go along with it.

As my mother told me when DS was born: "It's a sharp learning curve for #2. They learn their place in the world real quick."

And yes, I do feel sorry for #2 (and #3) because my life just won't revolve around them the way that it did for #1. But #2 doesn't really seem the worse for wear, and he's exposed to "bigger kid" things that he might not otherwise be. And when they're not wrestling and trying to kill eachother, DD is great with him: "reads" him books and gets him toys and when he falls or gets frustrated she's often there even before I am hugging him and saying "It's okay. You're okay." It's really, really sweet. And I can sometimes send her to attend to his needs, which makes things easier for me. Not major things, obviously (she is only 3!) but if I'm busy and he's frustrated with a toy I can ask her to go help him, or to go fetch him something, or to help me by putting his shoes on after she puts hers on. She's usually very, very proud to be the Big Sister and takes her role very seriously.

And, in a way, it works out on the other end: my younger sister got a lot of attention and extra travel and extra opportunities after I went off to college. There are a lot of perks to being the "only child" as a teenager instead of as a baby.

[mummy marja]

I'm on #3 right now. And this is absolutely easier than it was for me when my firstborn was a baby. It's all about experience. I'm just better at it.

Also, if you want to spend time crafting, then it has tp be a priority. Maybe skip cooking supper some nights and just have a sandwich. Or let the housework go a little more.

I don't have much free time, but since my baby was born 2 months ago I've read several novels (while nursing) and made 4 items of clothing! I have to do what keeps me filled, otherwise I'm no good as a mama.

I'm not big on the baby stage either. It's difficult, so don't be hard on yourself!

[mamazee]

This is why there are 7 years between my kids. My first was a handful, very intense, full of energy, constant needs. She's 8 now and that still describes her! I couldn't imagine having another, and finally a long long time later we felt like we could go through it again and retain our sanity. Then #2 came out and she's really easy. If I'd had her first, I might have had the second right away. LOL.

[Quinalla]

I feel the same way, no way do I want another child right now. I do want another eventually, but I think I will end up waiting until she is at least 1.5-2 before TTC as she needs to have a lot of independence before I am ready. But yeah, some babies are "easier" than others too and I am sure that is part of it for you as well I know mine was definitely on the high needs side of things just comparing her to all the other babies I know.

[ithappened]

I'm just one of those people that likes "getting stuff done." Then I can relax. It's necessary to keep me sane.

this.

I found it so exhausting to never be able to get anything done- and everything took me 3x longer then before.

[AndtheStars]

I was happy to read this today. DS is 13 mos and he's not walking yet. I keep thinking that maybe things will get better when he's walking but I have the feeling it will only get worse. I'm just so. tired. I really try to set up things that will make me happy a couple weeks in advance (like 1 hour of alone time to read or get a pedicure) so that I have something to look forward to but then I feel guilty because an hour without DS might mean a few meals prepared ahead or a non-basic cleaning task accomplished instead of alone time. Anyway, OP, you are not alone.