Stupid honest admission...

[AFWife]

I'm nervous. It's my second child and the whole thought about the birth has me nervous (and excited, don't get me wrong).

Why? My first birth was a hospital birth...fairly typical. IV, Flat on my back, ended up with an epidural because NO ONE helped me with pain management (except to ask if I wanted a needle in my spine), purple pushing that I couldn't really feel...

So, I really have NO idea what to expect. The pain was so bad (I went quick...like, water broke at midnight, ctx started an hour later, I was at 4 by 3am), full effaced and dilated at 6am, baby born a little after 7am... I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it or something.

I feel silly...

[Galatea]

I was also terrified with my second, after having an induced/epidural first. So terrified that I managed to shut down my labor twice in two weeks before I dealt with my fear, and then had him naturally.

The trick for me was to talk to my MW and be open to either drugs or no drugs. I wanted the drugs, but my labor was so fast there wasn't time, and it ended up being waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the epidural birth. Pushing was quick and easy and the endorphin rush was awesome!!!!!!

[MegBoz]

I don't think there's any reason to feel silly.

This is my 2nd too and although I had a totally natural & very fast birth, I'm still a little nervous because, as everyone always says, each birth is different. There's absolutely no guarantee for me of another quick birth where I find the pain to be manageable.

I think it's normal & natural to be nervous. I even think it's good to be a bit flexible. I was dead-set against an epidural the first go round. DH & I had so many people scoffing at our NCB plans saying, "Whatever! You'll be begging for that epidural." It made me dig my super-stubborn heels in, determined to prove them wrong.

Obviously, that's not the reason I wanted an NCB, I chose it in the first place for a variety of reaons, but then after we shared our plans & got those reactions repeatedly, I became stubborn. I HATE being told, "You don't know what you're talking about."

Anyways, this time around I feel I have a healthier outlook. I do expect a relatively quick, manageable birth, but if I end up laboring for hours & hours (like more than 30) & exhausted (like from a badly positioned babe), I'll go to the hospital for the epidural & the rest that may very well allow me to have a vaginal birth. Whereas I think with #1, if I would have had the epidural, I would have felt like I "caved" & I was a "failure" & they were all right, I was a stupid, clueless, naive silly child. (bear in mind, I was 31 YO when I had DS! )

& that would have been a shame to feel that way! There's no reason to feel like a "failure" for getting an epidural, so it would have been a shame that it would have devastated me. In hindsight, I think it's a shame that I wasn't emotionally prepared to deal with an outcome that didn't match my ideal - if that makes sense.

I feel like I'm rambling, but I think my point is:
1. being nervous is healthy & natural
2. Planning for, working towards, and expecting a good outcome is a good thing. (as we all know, approaching labor full of fear & anxiety is likely to be detrimental - leading to longer labors & worse pain.)
3. But be flexible anyway in knowing you simply can't control it, there are no guarantees & you'll do what you need to if a need arises, such as transfer, epidural, CS, etc.



I used to think items 2 & 3 conflicted with one another. Kinda like going into a job interview thinking, "I'm awesome! They will love me. I will get this job." You NEED confidence to perform well in an interview. But don't let it crush you if you don't get the job. Expect the best - but except that it's not guaranteed.

I do still see how they conflict. But I think it's important to strive for both views.

[peainthepod]

There is nothing stupid about it, mama. I had a pretty short (12 hours total) and peaceful homebirth with DS and recovered quickly--and I'm still nervous about my upcoming birth. It's a different house, with different midwives, I have a toddler to worry about, my in-laws will be in town...I have a good feeling about it but there are no guarantees in life and I think it's totally normal to feel nervous about birth, no matter how many births you've had before.

What really makes me nervous is the thought of pushing. It took me two hours last time, DS had a huge head (97th percentile) and a nuchal hand, and I tore. The pain of pushing totally blindsided me and I'm not going to lie--I'm more than a little scared of doing it again.

[AFWife]

Thanks everyone. Thankfully, DH is really supportive and has said, more than once, "I think this will be an all-together better experience."

I tore with DS...a small tear. My healing was no big deal really. I've also taken better care of myself this time around (like, gaining half the weight I did last time)

[homemademom]

I don't think that's silly at all! I've had one hospital birth and the rest at home and I've got to say that my homebirths, though intense, weren't nearly as painful and anxiety-ridden as the one at the hospital. At the hospital, I was tethered to the IV and the monitors didn't let me move like I needed to. I felt constantly on the defense, like I needed to potentially battle the nurses every time they walked in. I felt like a watched pot and that everyone was sick and tired of me waiting. Oh, and I had pitocin. It was horrible and I ended up with an epidural, despite the fact that I had three support people who were by my side the whole time.

My homebirths were actually really liberating. Yes, they hurt, but I felt free to move, free to scream, free to not adhere to anyone's schedule (minus one midwife, who ticked me off with her subtle impatience at having to be at my house). I could jump in the shower, sit on the toilet, get on my hands and knees, eat lie down. It's so much better!

You can totally do this! Have you read the book Birthing From Within? I really like her approach to childbirth.

[laughymama]

Not silly!! I'm with you!

My first experience was very similar, low forceps delivery because I couldn't feel a darned thing to push effectively. Blah.

I'm 41 weeks...so now is really not the time to be saying, "Uuhh I don't know if I can do this..." but here I am.

My husband says I'll do great. My midwife and our friends have confidence and tons of faith in me and the process. So I feel supported...but still...

I've found it helps to talk about it to my midwife and others who are supportive. They give me the reassurance I need and help me with my doubts.

Now if this baby would just decide to come out I could share the story with you.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by homemademom

My homebirths were actually really liberating. Yes, they hurt, but I felt free to move, free to scream, free to not adhere to anyone's schedule (minus one midwife, who ticked me off with her subtle impatience at having to be at my house). I could jump in the shower, sit on the toilet, get on my hands and knees, eat lie down. It's so much better!

You can totally do this! Have you read the book Birthing From Within? I really like her approach to childbirth.

Oh! That's the other thing: The nurses SHUSHED ME! They came in mid contraction to do my epidural and tersely told me to sit up. When I said, "Wait, I can't" and moaned they proceeded to shush me. I would have been pissed if I hadn't been drugged and in pain.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by homemademom

My homebirths were actually really liberating. Yes, they hurt, but I felt free to move, free to scream, free to not adhere to anyone's schedule (minus one midwife, who ticked me off with her subtle impatience at having to be at my house). I could jump in the shower, sit on the toilet, get on my hands and knees, eat lie down. It's so much better!

This totally! My homebirth was very painful, but I had a 10#, 4 ounce baby with her shoulder "behind" her body. So I don't know if that had a lot to do with it.

Having said that, Ina May's words in her book really spoke to me. She said that with birth their is pain, even if you have an epi. Her point was that recovery from a medicated birth is generally way harder and much more painful. That you will either have the intense pain with a "quick, painless" recovery or a pain-free delivery with possible pelvic floor trauma, tearing, or at worst a c/s to recover from.

Obviously these are blanket assessments as a homebirth can have tearing, pelvic floor trauma and the like, but it helps wrap the brain around doing things in a "natural" way, when possible, will have the best outcome.

As painful as the labor/birth was, I wouldn't trade any of the millions of other details that my homebirth gave me. Everything else was "perfect". And I know, even if I'd transfered, the peace of mind with having planned a homebirth was very satisfying.


ETA: My kids said while they were watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the living room, my yelling went along perfectly with a fight scene...

[thebeljur]

Hi Kas,

My first birth sounds a lot like yours. The whole thing was about 6 hours long, typical hospital birth, IV, epidural, etc.

My other births since then have all been home (water) births. Comparatively speaking, I can tell you that I would absolutely 100% choose an unmedicated, home birth every single time now after having gone through both experiences. I'm going to dare to say that I guarantee you that you will feel the same after you've experienced it, too. You will be able to handle it (and the experience will go BEYOND just "handling it" -- you'll appreciate and connect with this next birthing journey -- I promise). You can do this, Kas!

[gravida]

My first birth was similar. 26ish hours of labor to get me to about 6 cm where I stayed for about 4 hours, though coping really really well. They broke my water and things sped up way faster than I expected and I couldn't keep up. At one point they convinced me DD was in danger unless I got an iv, then the fetal monitor and finally at the hight of a contraction at 7-8cm I was told that the nurse knew who could do it without epis and I was not one of them.

I was nervous as I neared DS's birthday. I felt like I'd never done it before and in some ways I never had. I never felt pushing, delivery etc. I had a super awesome, stellar amazing birth that was a zillion times less painful than DD's. I had a wonderful midwife who pulled me through the tough parts and I was totally floored with how good birth can be. I was floored by how strong I was, how connected I felt to everyone and how calm and present I could be in the midst of it all. It was better than I hoped. I rocked it! You'll rock it too.

[quantumleap]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

Having said that, Ina May's words in her book really spoke to me. She said that with birth their is pain, even if you have an epi. Her point was that recovery from a medicated birth is generally way harder and much more painful. That you will either have the intense pain with a "quick, painless" recovery or a pain-free delivery with possible pelvic floor trauma, tearing, or at worst a c/s to recover from.

This is totally OT, and I hope this doesn't ruin your mantra, but studies show that epis actually *reduce* pelvic floor trauma. Not that I advocate epidurals, but they do/can have their benefits.

OP, I'm also a bit afraid of this second labour. My first wasn't awful at all - very manageable pain levels until 2nd stage, no one was stomping on my wishes, I felt supported, etc, etc. But, it was long, and 2nd stage was longer (like, 5 hours of pushing longer), and I have severe pelvic prolapse as a result of that pregnancy and birth. I'm afraid of a long, difficult 2nd stage again, and of doing further damage to myself, and, and, and...
It is healthy to recognize your fears, and to talk about them with your support people. Hang in there and keep processing all of this. Just remember that your body IS made to do this, that you have support and a plan, and that the odds are really good that you'll be fine!

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by selkat

This is totally OT, and I hope this doesn't ruin your mantra, but studies show that epis actually *reduce* pelvic floor trauma. Not that I advocate epidurals, but they do/can have their benefits.

That may be true, I haven't read the materials. I wonder if it's do more to forced and purple pushing....

[Twinklefae]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

That may be true, I haven't read the materials. I wonder if it's do more to forced and purple pushing....

Probably.

I'm sorry that you are so worried. You can do anything you set your mind to.

My first was a hospital with an epidural, but I wish you could all have had my birth team - I had such excellant support from the nurses, my doula, my husband and my doctor - the nurses actually carefully timed my epidural so that it was almost gone by the time I was ready to push. They knew I wanted to self-guide my pushing. They only thing anyone said was a gentle reminder to ease up as he was crowning (which I ignored)

It was my doula (incredibly natural birth supportive) in the end who suggested the epidural - no nurse ever mentioned it, and in fact found some incredibly creative ways to ease my pain. They all laughed when I apologized for being noisy "that's what it sounds like!".

You'll do it. However it happens, wherever it happens you will do it.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

Having said that, Ina May's words in her book really spoke to me. She said that with birth their is pain, even if you have an epi. Her point was that recovery from a medicated birth is generally way harder and much more painful.

This resonated with me a lot after reading "Thinking woman's guide" - also the possibility of pain at the injection site in your back & a spinal headache - the former I've heard can last YEARS! I viewed it as "Pain now, for a limited time, or pain later."

And, as you said, that's not to say epidural = bad, lasting pain, but the odds are worse than with NCB & that was a significant factor for me personally.

Originally Posted by selkat

This is totally OT, and I hope this doesn't ruin your mantra, but studies show that epis actually *reduce* pelvic floor trauma. Not that I advocate epidurals, but they do/can have their benefits.

Actually that one study, done in Australia, had a really small sample size.

Post here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...096&highlight=

I did some searching around pub med & did see another study that showed epis protected the perinium, a few that said they had no affect on perinial injury & a several that said they led to worse perineal injury. HOWEVER - there were some consistent things:
--those with epis were more likely to have episiotomy, which obviously is a perinieal injury itself & more likely to lead to worse 3rd & 4th degree tears
--Those with epis had much higher rate of instrumental delivery (vacuum or forceps) & THAT definitely has a substantially higher risk of worse tears
--I'm pretty sure I've also read that the epi leads to longer 2nd stage & many studies say longer 2nd stage leads to worse tearing.

[Kimrose]

Oh Boy!!! I'm glad to hear many people chimed in w/"it's normal" With my DS I had an all natural honestly most-painful-thing-ever labor to pushing - they realized he was breech and I had an emergency section NOW - THANK GOODNESS - I'm shooting for a HBAC - and while my labor was probably "the worst" - as in all back labor and LONG - I STILL did it - and I would STILL pick it over medicated. Hopefully this time won't be breech and it will all seem more reasonable - but even though I went through the worst of it - recovery from labor and hard section ;( I'm STILL nervous about pushing LO OUT b/c I didn't actually do that part - I pushed but only a couple times :0 so even though it's all "known" to me but that, I still have my "nervous" too! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! I'd say one thing I personally think is key is honestly to tell yourself/feel like "You're going to do it" - period. And set yourself up so noone is talking about "your pain level" or even mentioning/offering meds. You'll know that route is there - but you need to feel like you're GOING to do it! I honestly think b/c of my DS's position I had "the worst" - but hypnobirthing/mind-over-matter is probably the ONLY thing that got me through it. I plan on trying Hypnobabies this time...I'd definitely say that "mind over matter" is CRUCIAL. GOOD LUCK!!!!! Hope it helps to know you're not alone!

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

And, as you said, that's not to say epidural = bad, lasting pain, but the odds are worse than with NCB & that was a significant factor for me personally.

I really do believe this and I've had 2 epidural births with "no problems". So I'm truly not anti-epi specifically. I just think the more natural, the better as far as letting the body do what it needs to in most cases.

[almadianna]

this isnt silly at all mama

I have never had an epidural lay on your back birth.... and even then I was scared when i got pregnant with my second baby. being honest with yourself and working through those emotions is really healthy and wonderful.