public tantrums

[July09Mama]

DD (13 mo) and I were walking home from library story time this morning when she had a total melt-down. It's a pretty long walk, so I had her in a carrier on my back, but she likes to walk, so when she started to fuss, I let her down. It's a pretty major street, though, so she needed to hold my hand and I needed to carry her across intersections.
After one intersection, I put her down and asked her to hold my hand, but she didn't want to. She threw herself down and had a big kicking, screaming fit. I sat down with her on the sidewalk to keep her from smacking her head on the ground and rubbed her back and hair and was talking some to her, but she kept going for a few minutes.
Then, a woman started YELLING at me! Telling me I needed to shut her up and no one wanted to hear it and I was embarrassing myself. It was actually enough of a distraction that dd stopped to check it out, but other than that, it was so upsetting to me. I almost cried, but I'm actually kinda proud of myself that I was able to hold it together and was a fun mama for the rest of the walk.
But anyway, two questions:
What should I do if dd has a tantrum in a situation like that? and What should I have done when the woman yelled at me?

[physmom]

Originally Posted by July09Mama

Then, a woman started YELLING at me! Telling me I needed to shut her up and no one wanted to hear it and I was embarrassing myself. It was actually enough of a distraction that dd stopped to check it out, but other than that, it was so upsetting to me. I almost cried, but I'm actually kinda proud of myself that I was able to hold it together and was a fun mama for the rest of the walk.

Ok, wow, I think if that would've happened to me I would've said a lot of inappropriate words that DD shouldn't be hearing... That lady had no right to say that. I know you probably know that already but wow, she was clearly crazy!

As to the tantrums... at 13 months that would've been totally normal for DD. DD's always been a great walker but it wasn't until closer to 18 months that we really started letting her walk places. Before she would've done the same thing and we've found it's a lot less stressful to make her stay in the carrier even if she doesn't want to (and we live on very busy streets and at that age holding hands was a HUGE issue). Now she's completely fine with it but these things take a long time!

To deal with tantrums... we try and avoid them. If I know that DD is unstable than I throw her on my back or in the stroller and go home ASAP. If it's because she's hungry and she already ate snacks I buy her some food and she's fine. In the case above, I would've just picked up DD slung her over my shoulder so she's upside facing the ground (she loves this and it normally surprises her enough to stop crying. Plus it's an easy way to carry a tantruming child if not!) and just walked home.

[JessicaS]

I had someone who was rude to me while dd was throwing a fit and I told them, "Did it occur to you that you are not helping?"


Another time dd was throwing a tantrum in a grocery store and some lady told dd she needed a spanking. Dd, unfortunately told her. "Suckit!" (a friend of ours taught her that and she hadn't repeated it until then. I guess she was saving it??)

I um, I didn't have the grace to deal with that and I laughed

Usually people don't say anything. Most the time it is a matter of having to be out during nap time/an appointment is taking too long...things like that. Most toddlers IME anyways don't throw a fit for no reason.

I don't think there is much to be done, I cannot imagine what I would have done in a situation like you described. Where did that person come from? Did they come out of their house to get shouty or were they some random passerby?

[crunchy_mommy]

Wow -- I can't believe she said that to you!! I'd just ignore her (but I'm pretty non-confrontational). I'm sorry you had to deal with such an inconsiderate & strange reaction.

We usually try to avoid tantrums -- i.e. I know letting DS walk from the car to the house will lead to tantrums (because he wants to stay outside) so I just carry him. Things like that. Fortunately despite being high-needs he doesn't 'tantrum' often & rarely in public, but I can usually distract him with a song or pointing out sights or carrying him or whatever.

[childsplay]

Originally Posted by July09Mama

Then, a woman started YELLING at me! Telling me I needed to shut her up and no one wanted to hear it and I was embarrassing myself. It was actually enough of a distraction that dd stopped to check it out, but other than that, it was so upsetting to me. I almost cried, but I'm actually kinda proud of myself that I was able to hold it together and was a fun mama for the rest of the walk.
But anyway, two questions:
What should I do if dd has a tantrum in a situation like that? and What should I have done when the woman yelled at me?

I think what you did with your DD was fantastic. Sometimes it's hard being 13 mos. and you sat down with her and let her work it out. You did everything right.

As for the screaming offensive woman? I'd have thrown a rock at her.

[Super~Single~Mama]

LOL! My son has been doing this lately (he's 20mo), and I just watch. And ask him nicely to stop screaming. And then I wait. Eventually he realizes that other people are watching him and he gets embarrassed. It's pretty funny actually. He'll be laying on the floor screaming, and then he slowly realizes that the whole store is watching him and he'll get very quiet and just stop. It's SO FUNNY I have to try hard not to laugh.

[lifeguard]

When ds has tantrums in public I stay as calm as possible & try to move him to a quiet out the way place if possible. I think what you did was just fine.

As for the rude woman - wow! That is just awful. I don't know what to advise 'cause quite frankly I'd be at a total loss myself. I just am not good at confrontation.

[butterfly_mommy]

You did great mama!

I also would have not been able to hold it together and would have freaked on that women. I would have unleashed all of my frustration all over her. Which then would have been embarrassing myself.

The funny thing is that she was the one embarrassing herself by being so rude and you were showing what a wonderful mama you are and a wonderful example of sensitive parenting.

[rightkindofme]

Sounds like you did what you could. As for the woman I probably would have told her that I don't want to hear her either but I can't make her shut up.

[NewMoonMum]

Yeah, that woman was just horrid and WAY out of line.
What you did sounds perfect, and shows what a great Mom you are!!!
Your response-or lack of-was probably pretty smart. Depending on my mood, I'd have either probably been silent or gone nuts on her-which of course would not help at all.
Most people will be kinder!! Flying with my son when he was about 27 months, he woke up during descent, and I imagine his ears really hurt. He started crying about halfway down, and some random man a few rows back started muttering and making a fuss about it. We hit the ground-my son SCREAMED-and the man bellowed "HEY!!!!" at the top of his lungs. The people in the surrounding rows spent the de-boarding process going on about what a jerk the guy was.

[Norasmomma]

You've crossed the bridge into unsolicited rude advice from strangers territory, congratulations are in order mama{{joking}}.

Truth be told there are totally rude people in the world who hate kids, and think it's their business to tell you how to parent. I've BTDT, when my DD was about 19 months she went through a screeching phase, totally normal and annoying that is was always done in the store because of the echo factor. Anyway, as a harried mama of a toddler trying to get out of the store I ignored it much of the time, I laughed with the checker this particular day about it. Well when I walked out of the store I was accosted by an elderly couple in their car, they stopped and rolled down the window, I thought they werre going to ask directions since I live in a tourist area. The lady then asked if my DD was "mentally ill" I said "are you serious?! or joking?!" she said "yes" I said "yes, what?" Serious she then said. I said "umm I find you completely rude and offensive." Now this is where it got me really mad, her DH then GOES OFF on me about what a bad parent I am, WTH am I doing with a kid, letting them scream like that in the store. She starts hitting him on the leg because by this time I am ready to kick their butts. I then tell them to "go screw themselves". In my former incarnation before motherhood I would have said A LOT worse, but I didn't swear in front of DD(amazingly considering their rudeness).

It shook me up for days, I didn't want to go shopping alone with her for weeks. I got over it and now if someone did say something to me they better be ready for the explicit version because they are not going to like what this mama bear is going to say.