I am so glad someone has brought this subject up...I am terrified...
My first labor was pretty long and painful. Meconium, induction (I was only in labor slightly) no epdidural, did get Stadol which is horrible, 13 hours, 3 hrs of pushing. But I did it. But I hated the experience. 13 months later, I became pregnant with number two. I was terrified of repeating the experience and the hospital scared me, so I got ready for a homebirth with a midwife. I read lots, watched videos, learned breathing techniques.
My labor at home was just horrible. I tried and tried to get him out for about a day, a full 20-21 hrs at home. I hated it. My midwife yelled at me for not trying hard enough and was disgusted with me and I spent a good part of the day screaming and crying and telling everyone I needed help. Even though I was in my own home I felt a loss of dignity moreso than in the hospital. I was finally transferred when the midwife gave in and said she couldn't make me do something, "I didn't want to do" and in the hospital no doctor was there, it was around 11 pm (different hospital than first birth)...and they spent awhile trying to get me comfortable....I was given Stadol, it did absolutely nothing...I was given it through IV and a shot...didn't touch me or even make me high as some people say...I just screamed and screamed. Finally an epidural. It still did nothing. Absolutely nothing. A doctor was called and came and gave me a C-section and I was so incredibly relieved. I had been fully dilated for about 10 hrs with no baby...he turned out to be 10 pounds, due to my weight gain I think, and had never even really entered the birth canal. Crazy! Afterward the midwife apologized and said if I ever get preg again and it turns out to be a big baby again I should have another C-section. I am seeing the dr who was called in to do the section now during this pregnancy, because I though the was pretty good. He gave me the option of a scheduled C-section or a possible VBAC, we're playing it by ear now.
My first baby was 7 pounds even. I am trying to watch my weight this time and not eat too much. But I am terrified. I am already having labor nightmares. I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to do birth natural birth again. But I am afraid the pain relief won't help me again....part of me is like, maybe it's just easier to do another C-section...which I wasn't scared of after 27 hrs of excruciating labor at 3am...but a scheduled section where I'm hyper aware and not in pain scares me too. I have so much anxiety already. This pregnancy was a surprise as we were trying to avoid and I cannot believe after my labors I am pregnant again. I feel like the only way out is like me being marched off to my death. I'm sorry this is so long, I just needed to get this all out.
And yes, the births were horrible, but I was happy when they came out and it was so worth it! The trauma of the births don't bother me day to day really. It's only like now, when I realize I must do it again....