Transitioning 4- and 6-year olds

[debsdancer]

We've coslept with both since birth, both still in family bed, and it's time to transition. (Long story, but after arguing over homeschooling with dh, he finally gave in with the caveat that they move to their own room). I need to go into this with a positive, strong will, because it's not my choice and I don't want them out of the bed... but it is in the best interest of the marriage at this point. He has been very patient.

So... tips? They will be going in to their own room together, the beds have been there since birth of ds2, and ds1 chooses to sleep in his own bed as opposed to sharing with ds2. Ds1 is the most fearful, but seems to have a good attitude (resigned? hard to tell). Ds2 is reluctant but he has always been far more independent. I want them to know they are welcome in our bed if need be *BUT* don't want to make it a habit of every night. I can just see it... first they come in around 4am... then 1... then 11pm.... then they move themselves in to our bed before we're even in it.... quietly so as not to arouse suspicion... ah, well. I'm planning on sleeping in their room with them for a week or so, but then do I take them back every night if they wake up until they are accustomed to finishing the night? I'm guessing if I don't I'll end up with the above mentioned scenario?

Anyone who's been there?
Thanks!!

[rzberrymom]

What about having them share a bed in your room (just the two of them), and then gradually move it into their room? I would guess the transition would be much easier if they got used to sleeping together and then made the move to the other room.

[debsdancer]

Yeah, I thought for sure they would be sleeping together, but when we talk about moving to their room, ds1 says he wants to be in his own bed, not with ds2. I was surprised! And maybe that will change as we actually make the move.... But maybe a bed in our room would be good anyway.... hmmm.

[boatbaby]

My DS is 6 and we JUST started the transition into his won bed this summer. Also, not my choice but I am pregnant (due right about now) and there simply is no space in our family bed for 4 of us (we live on a sailboat, so a bigger big is not an option.

Anyhow -- our transition was at first handing over bed time duties to DH. They get their "boy time" telling stories and whatever they do in there. DH was first sleeping with DS in his bed. Then after a couple of weeks of that DH would leave after DS crashed out (we told him this would happen so it would not be a surprise). Then I took DS to Ikea and have him a budget to buy stuff to trick out his room and make it his own little cave. It mostly ended up being a tribe of stuffed animals. We also freecycled for a boombox that we set up in there with a stack of book-on-CD's and the radio set to the classical station. He really like the soft music to sleep to. Finally, a pile of flashlights which he wants for "safety".

The past 6-7 nights he's been putting himself to sleep which is HUGE for our family. This is a boy who nursed until age 5 (just a year ago) and has co-slept EVERY SINGLE night with both or one of us his whole life. We go in, tell a story, chat, tuck in. And then with music and flashlights (And us very close down the "hall") he just passes out.

I hope this helps and that your transition is as smooth as ours seems to be going. Good luck!

[debsdancer]

Wow, Boatbaby! How cool to live on a sailboat!
Our 6-yr-olds sound similar. Mine also nursed until a year ago and hasn't spent a night without us. Dh started doing bedtime about a year and a half ago, so they have that down. SO. I started last night- dh is gone on business so he won't miss me in our bed. I'm in their room with them and will be for a couple weeks, and then we'll see. I just want him to sleep there-- if he would actually put himself to sleep, I think I'd have to pinch myself! Thanks for the info- I will keep fingers crossed. Last night ds1 woke up about four times, checking for me, but stayed in his bed. All good.
All the best in your next labor, and in introducing the new family member! Thanks!