school vs homeschool

[jeteaa]

If my kids were in school this week I would have:
cleaned my house
organized our storage room
read, read, read
listened to MY music LOUD while I cleaned
went to the gym
enjoyed grocery shopping by myself
volunteered w/ OTHER ADULTS
planned and made home cooked meals

Because we hs, this is what we did this week:
Drove 1.5 hrs to the "big" city and went to the zoo
dd1 slammed her finger in the car door in the grocery store parking lot, so no groceries, no dinner
I had NO personal time
the house is a mess
the kids had alot of free playtime

I'm not sure how I feel about any of this. My dd1 says "I will ruin her life if I send her to school". So we hs, and I know she is getting a better education rather than at a public school... but its more often then not that I feel bitter about being a hs mom.... but I do have fun on our special outings that we could not do if the kids were in school. I hope I as a hs mom find balance in this life style.

[Mama Rana]

Would you really have gotten all that done though? I don't know about you, but I often have grand plans that rarely see fruition. When DS was in school last year, I still had plenty of things to do that weren't on your glorious list. Now, I had a baby too, but when he was in preschool the year and half before the baby came, I still did chores, ran errands, maybe exercise.... I am still struggling to find the balance of having him home all day and needing to fill his time with "school", and still trying to get the housework done and find some me time, but I keep reminding myself that having him in school didn't leave me 100% free either, so...

[laohaire]

I hear ya. I haven't gotten a lot done. Or much. Or maybe anything.

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by Mama Rana

Would you really have gotten all that done though?

That was exactly my first thought. Dd1 went to preK and Kindergarten at Catholic school, and dd2 has gone to developmental preK and is in Kindergarten at public school...I certainly didn't/don't get that kind of stuff done! I think when we're having a tough time or experiencing burn out, it can be easy to fall into the "grass is greener" mentality. But I think if you talk to moms sending their kids to public school, they probably aren't getting all this stuff done, either.

[elizawill]

you can still get a lot done...it just requires more planning & flexibility, ykwim? we have a routine in place and it helps me a great deal. i seem to never get a break from my kids (aside from this week, but that is a first for me) and i still manage to make things happen, even without a babysitter or my husband being home. i clean my house in the morning & just tidy as i go-along throughout my day. organizing may need to happen on a saturday or another time your partner is home...or set the kids up with a movie before you begin that project maybe?? i read a lot, but my kids are old enough to entertain themselves - so that does help. otherwise, i read at night. you can still listen to music loudly, just have your kids help you clean for working out, can you take them to the gym? i don't have a membership, but i run in the morning while the family is still asleep. it's a time i wouldn't trade for anything. grocery shopping i only do 2x month & choose a day that my husband is home. meal planning only takes a few minutes. i have a master list of meals & just draw from that to create 14 dinners. our breakfast & lunch is always the same choices. as for volunteering, can you do that when your partner is home??

anyway, i'm not sure if you were really looking for feedback or just venting from having one of those days.....god knows i've had those days too, but i wanted to offer some thoughts & hugs just the same. hang in there.

[kathymuggle]

Just for balance sake (and I could use a vent):

My DD (age 11 ) did choose school this year. She:

-has to get up every day by 6:30. She is home around 3:00. She is so tired out that she goes to bed by 8:30/9:00. Today she was in bed by 8:00. I miss her and feel like I do not see much of her
-regularly finishes her math and LA ahead of everyone else and has to sit there waiting for everyone else to finnish. She spends half her school time waiting.
-Got in trouble for writing on the wrong side of the paper and had to rewrite 200 words (grrr.....)
-she got injured twice at school this week - she fell on the concrete and someone threw a beanbag at her during dodgeball - which landed on her face.

On the plus side, she does like many of her classmates.

No system is perfect. You have to deal with the cards you are holding. Hang in there!

Edited: I have come back because I realise I may not have been helpful. The above is simply a reminder that it is not all roses on the other side. I think, in addition to working on housekeeping (which I have never excelled at - regardless of whether I have oodles of free time or none) working on feeling good about the place you are may help. How about a gratitiude journal or affirmation? I have done both and they really work!

[itsnikki]

I'm not officially "homeschooling" yet, but I do understand... that things are HARD to do with a child underfoot. It really is. I guess what helps me get through the day is... things don't have to be perfect. And get your kid in there to help! I don't know about your child, but my daughter is 3 and ADORES helping me! Especially since I make it fun with our music blaring and plenty of breaks to "dance" or tickle. *lol* Things aren't neat and tidy, but still... clean. And that's alright with me. If your kids go to bed pretty early, you can have some "me" time before you go to bed. I always take an hour before my bedtime to take a shower and read. (Sometimes it takes MORE than an hour! *lol*) It's all in how you look at it. I understand bad days though... you're human and it happens. I hope tomorrow is better. *hugs*

[Lillian J]

The people I knew who loved homeschooling thought in terms of what they got to do that they wouldn't have been able to do if their children were in school. We got to get up and gradually start our days whenever we wanted instead of having to get up sleepy children and rush around getting them off to school. We got to stay up late together to read an extra chapter or two or seven to our children, from books we all loved, instead of having to insist they get to sleep to be rested for school the next day. We got to snuggle and read to them in the morning in our PJs if we wanted. We got to take trips whenever we wanted and for as long as we wanted. We got to answer to no one and have no conflicts with various teachers about how they felt we should be raising our children - that had been a real problem when my child was in school, and he wasn't even one who had made waves or been "in trouble."

Some of us had messy houses and some of us managed to keep things picked up as we went. We treasured our freedom from the things that creep into your home and control your time. We loved not having to struggle to get our children through needless and maddening homework assignments during the few precious hours they would have been home after school. We loved that we could provide the kind of rich learning experiences and materials that served them well and facilitated a joy in learning instead of having to cope with whatever the school bureaucracy came up with.

We got to watch our children learn and thrive instead of just hearing periodic reports from teachers. We appreciated that our children didn't have the pressure cooker of all sorts of different social input to deal with all day at school and then come home out of sorts and difficult to be with - our children were relaxed and free to be themselves at their best. My child was one, for instance, who had begun to act out unpleasant things he had been surrounded by at school in 1st grade, but he got back to being his delightful self when that was no longer a factor. Most school settings don't have the kind of dysfunction and negativity that was going on at his school, but there are often lots of influences that can contribute to a trying day - and learning how to cope with that kind of thing at an early age is not at all as effective as having those early years for building maturity and the kind of strength that comes with natural self confidence.

We didn't have to be agonizing over what teacher our children had each year and all the things that would be affected by it. We loved being in control of our child's educational opportunities - and we loved our freedom! I didn't get to the gym much, but I could read or do whatever I wanted when my child was busy playing or off hanging out with homeschool friends or after school hours with neighbor friends when they got home. I played my music loud without ever thinking about it one way or another, and we played my child's music a lot too - we didn't keep "school" hours, but just lived our lives and went about learning things as they came along. They were wonderful years. Here's an essay I wrote about it - Homeschooling - It's a Wonderful Life!

There are lots of children and families for whom school works really well, depending on the schools and all sorts of factors - but it isn't necessarily as simple as it may sound.

If your children are pretty young, you may be doing way more than you really need to in the way of formal studies. In fact, that can be the case even with older ones. - Lillian

[SundayCrepes]

In 15 years, which will be more important to you: your memories of your clean house or your memories of getting to go to the zoo with your kids?

Your daughter slammed her fingers in the door while she was with you. She could have fallen off the monkey bars at school (do they still have those?) during recess (does your school system even have that?) and broken her arm. Without you there to comfort her. Then you would have been eating dinner at the hospital instead of from the drive-thru.

I use my roomba http://www.hammacher.com/Search/Defa...x?query=roomba every night. We have hardwood floors, 3 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 kids under 5. My roomba is my savior. It is a non-negotiable mandatory expense in our house.

I recently got a scooba http://www.hammacher.com/Product/76487?promo=search Now life is over the top wonderful. (I got LOTS of birthday money this year allowing this amazing purchase.)

There are ways to have a cleanish house. But what I will remember is doing legos with my son. I even videotaped it. His hands are so beautiful. I stopped building just to look at his hands. And to listen to him talk, "I recommend doing..." Thank you universe for letting me be the one to be with my children.

[lmonter]

I'm having a similar perspective issue.
I didn't have a garden this year because of the newborn, my house is still a chaotic hell from attempting to pack from us attempting to move and be in the same place/state as hubby, and I can't get all the canning done I need to in order to keep us in food this winter. I'm not even getting into the stains on the new carpet I'm ignoring or "homeschool room" that's got soon-to-be-rotting peaches and pears in it (the not being able to can with so many kids underfoot that need diapers/food/etc. thing) along with a bunch of half-packed boxes, yeah. I'm just in survival mode and haven't even gotten to enjoy my last little newborn who just started sitting up.

I am all over sleeping until the kids are fully rested and the other day none of us even changed out of our pajamas, but again, that's more PPD and daily survival rather than choice.

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by laohaire

I hear ya. I haven't gotten a lot done. Or much. Or maybe anything.

you all did an amazing thing you touched the future --

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes

I use my roomba http://www.hammacher.com/Search/Defa...x?query=roomba every night. We have hardwood floors, 3 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 kids under 5. My roomba is my savior. It is a non-negotiable mandatory expense in our house.

I recently got a scooba http://www.hammacher.com/Product/76487?promo=search Now life is over the top wonderful. (I got LOTS of birthday money this year allowing this amazing purchase.)

oh my gosh...do those really work??? that is so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!

[emily31]

My older dd is in school after four years of homeschooling. PS is so much more work--my entire week revolves around school: fixing the lunch, getting the showers, doing mountains of homework (did they even DO anything at school?), drop off and pick up times. Yesterday, I spent between 4-5 hours on school stuff (driving, lunch prep and 3 hours of helping dd with homework). For the next two weekends, I get to look forward to helping dd write a full research paper.

I am more behind in everything, and my house is messier. I feel like I have a newborn in the house!

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by elizawill

oh my gosh...do those really work??? that is so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!!!! Roombas and scoobas are AMAZING!!!!!

When my first baby was 14 months I was in a total depression about how many dust bunnies we had. It was never ending and worse than piles of laundry. I decided to take a risk and buy a roomba. Best money I ever spent. My depression went away. Then baby 2 came along. She was 20 or 22 months before I could get it together to use my roomba. (The battery died sitting around that long so I had to buy a new battery.) Once I did, the depression over the mess in our house went away. Shortly after that I decided to get the scooba. How amazing is it that I have floors that aren't sticky!!!!

My first roomba was the old generation. We went through 4 in a year. Thank goodness irobot has great customer service. They kept sending me replacements. So when I bought my new roomba and scooba I bought them from the place I linked above. They give a lifetime warranty. Also, if you want to return it at any time for any reason you can and they will refund your money. I was uncertain about how well the scooba would work but I felt I could try it since I could get my money back. It took about a week of repeated use for my floors to look great. That's a reflection on how gross our floors were and not on how well the scooba works. The new generation of roomba seems better built than the old one but I'm still cautious about their lifespan in my house.

The thing is, if I use it every night I have hardly any dog hair. So, after dinner I roomba the bathroom so the floor is still dry. Then my husband puts the kids in the tub and I start in on the rest of the house. It makes me pick up all the toys and books and whatever. Without all the toys it takes me 3 minutes to prep my living room (putting dining chairs on the table, the rocking elephant on top of the chair, etc.) Then I put my roomba down and walk away. That's all the work it takes to sweep my entire living room and dining area (about 250 square feet.) It even gets under the chairs and couch where I would struggle (they have tall enough clearance for the roomba.) Then if I want to mop, I fill the scooba tank, set it on the floor and walk away. My floor is mopped with that much work.

I do clean the roomba and scooba each time I use it. About 5 minutes combined.

My husband says the air conditioning filters are much cleaner when he changes them than they were before I roombaed every night. And I can walk our hardwood floors in bare princess feet and not feel like I'm walking on sandpaper and dried juice.

My joke is I accept visitors between the hours of 9 pm and 6 am--when my house is clean.

[briansmama]

I find it is all about balance. Every once in a while I look into the alternative charter schools around here offering everything from child-led learning to waldorf education, but ultimately, homeschooling offers our family so much.

Grocery shopping is tough with the kids, but mainly it's my 3 yr-old, not my older ds who makes the trips a challenge. So, I only go once a week. I plan ahead and get everything we need so we do not have to run in and out of grocery stores all week long. 1 trip really isn't that bad and my younger ds is getting older.

I also belong to a great gym- it's a necessity for us and I consider it a homeschool expense. I need a little break (8 hours per week) to go to yoga and get in some cardio.

Maybe try a routine where you clean one morning per week or break it up into upstairs/downstairs 2 days and after that you're done with the deep cleaning for a week. Grocery shop once. Order everything else online (I always wait until we order enough to qualify for free shipping).

And you do need to make time for yourself. Join the Y, find a good gym, or sign your dd up for a drop-off class a few times a week and use that time for yourself (read a magazine or book, go for a hike, etc).

Just some thoughts, as I know what you mean. I need a break too and getting it regularly and consistently makes me a much happier homeschooling mama.

[Linda on the move]

We used to homeschool and currently both my kids attend a wonderful private alternative school. I feel very fortuante to have this option.

I think the OPer's list of what she would have gotten done is unrealistic. This week I hit a couple of yoga classes, went to lunch with an old friend, and had a doctor's appointment in peace. I got a manicure and a pedicure!

I baked cookies with my kids one afternoon, we read together every night, and dinner conversations are better now that we aren't together all day. We have more to say to each other.

My house is basically clean, not spotless, and I could find plenty of organization projects if I really wanted to (I don't). Dinners are homemade and healthy, but simple.

I do get personal time (which I didn't have for years) and I feel fresh and ready for my kids when they come home.

I was burnt out. I'm still not super mom, but I do feel like my life now has enough space for me to breath.

And my kids are very happy. They spend their time at school doing interesting things and interacting with other kids and adults.

[tammyw]

I think only you can decide how you want to spend your days. I don't think homeschooling would be fulfilling for everyone, and that's OK. I know many people who would go crazy if they were homeschooling their kids, and not because they are bad parents, they just wouldn't like it.

You could try to find balance by purposely fitting stuff that is just for you, like:

- taking up a hobby (for me, that was photography)
- join a group that meets regularly (book club, knitting, whatever) (would mean either doing in the evening when you DH can stay home or getting a babysitter periodically)
- hire someone to clean the house on a monthly basis, get the kids/DH to help with the housework and set up a schedule
- set up times where you can do whatever want

I know that when I get feeling frustrated by certain things, I flash forward to the future when my kids are older and out of the house. It helps me to appreciate the current moments that I have with them, and helps to remind me how quickly this time goes.

[phathui5]

I homeschool and go to the gym. The YMCA has childcare available for members who are in the building doing something. Since December, I've consistantly worked out 4-5 days a week.

With me working part-time (some weeks full-time), I budget in for someone else to clean the house. I feel very lucky that dh is supportive about this.

I think that taking care of yourself takes more planning when you're a homeschooling mom, but it can be done.

[InchByInch]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

[COLOR="Indigo"]The people I knew who loved homeschooling thought in terms of what they got to do that they wouldn't have been able to do if their children were in school. We got to get up and gradually start our days whenever we wanted instead of having to get up sleepy children and rush around getting them off to school. We got to stay up late together to read an extra chapter or two or seven to our children, from books we all loved, instead of having to insist they get to sleep to be rested for school the next day. We got to snuggle and read to them in the morning in our PJs if we wanted. We got to take trips whenever we wanted and for as long as we wanted. We got to answer to no one and have no conflicts with various teachers about how they felt we should be raising our children - that had been a real problem when my child was in school, and he wasn't even one who had made waves or been "in trouble."

Some of us had messy houses and some of us managed to keep things picked up as we went. We treasured our freedom from the things that creep into your home and control your time. We loved not having to struggle to get our children through needless and maddening homework assignments during the few precious hours they would have been home after school. We loved that we could provide the kind of rich learning experiences and materials that served them well and facilitated a joy in learning instead of having to cope with whatever the school bureaucracy came up with.

We got to watch our children learn and thrive instead of just hearing periodic reports from teachers. We appreciated that our children didn't have the pressure cooker of all sorts of different social input to deal with all day at school and then come home out of sorts and difficult to be with - our children were relaxed and free to be themselves at their best.

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes

There are ways to have a cleanish house. But what I will remember is doing legos with my son. I even videotaped it. His hands are so beautiful. I stopped building just to look at his hands. And to listen to him talk, "I recommend doing..." Thank you universe for letting me be the one to be with my children.

Both of these posts are so beautiful, and I really needed to read them. Thank you for writing them!

[MrsAprilMay]

My DD picks up all of her toys every single night because if she cleans up then I'll "LET" her use the vacuum and sweep the floor. There may be some dishes in my sink right now, but the living room and dining room look great every.single.night. If your child is old enough to be in school, then your child is old enough to pitch in around the house. It's part of teaching responsibility.

While you may never get everything on that list done in a week, school or no school, you can and should fit in things that are really important to you. As a PP said, if the gym is important then find one with free childcare. Or switch off childcare with another homeschooling mom. If you like reading then join a book discussion group and make reading a priority. Like, everyone has to spend 20 minutes quietly looking at books in the afternoon.

You may feel your hair turning gray right now, but in 15 years you'll be so thankful that you got this opportunity to spend more time with your children.


ETA: I listen to MY music while I clean, either out loud or on my mp3 player. I cut out the stuff with really loud obscenities, but my kids can identify an Aerosmith song in the first 20 seconds. Around here, that's called music appreciation.