I'm going to try to keep this relatively short...
My mother is very unbalanced mentally and emotionally. She is super manipulative, often called me names/put me down when I was a kid, she is extremely controlling and disrespectful. A few examples to illustrate:
last time she stayed with us, she was staying in ds's room. My house is non-smoking, and she smoked IN his room. She fed him solids (white bread and non-organic pineapple) when he was still exclusively breastfed, at 5 months, in my back. She humiliated me in front of my family the day before my wedding (and we were paying for her hotel room). She put me in a group home when I was a teen, because she didn't want to deal with me (and hearing some of my friend's stories, I really wasn't that bad or troublesome. She drank a lot then too). As a kid, I wasn't allowed to cry if she was mad/yelling at me. I'd get punished for it. She lied to my grandma, who was helping me out financially, to get grandma to side with her and cut me off. She regularly throws fits for no reason. She sided with my abusive then-husband when it was convenient and talked trash about me to him. She called my best friend to talk trash about me. And I could go on and on and on, those are just a few.
I finally decided to cut it off a few days ago. I blocked her on Facebook, any emails she sends will automatically go through the trash. I am done, for now at least. She has taught me to fear her, and imo, fear and respect can't coexist. Now that I don't fear her anymore, I also have no respect for her. I wish her the best, and love her as a human being and feel compassion for her, but she is toxic and I have no need for toxicity in my life. She is/was abusive, and that led me to marrying a man who is very much like her and abused me for 3.5 years.
I've been having nightmares about her for weeks now. I dream that she yells at me, humiliates me, things of the like. Sometimes I'm me as a kid, sometimes as a woman. I am exhausted. Last week-end, my boyfriend had to soothe me in the middle of the night after I suddenly sat up in bed panicking. It's at least every other night, if not every night. And I grind my teeth. I don't know what to do. Right now, therapy isn't an option. I just need to get a good night's sleep, but feel at loss as to how.
My mother is very unbalanced mentally and emotionally. She is super manipulative, often called me names/put me down when I was a kid, she is extremely controlling and disrespectful. A few examples to illustrate:
last time she stayed with us, she was staying in ds's room. My house is non-smoking, and she smoked IN his room. She fed him solids (white bread and non-organic pineapple) when he was still exclusively breastfed, at 5 months, in my back. She humiliated me in front of my family the day before my wedding (and we were paying for her hotel room). She put me in a group home when I was a teen, because she didn't want to deal with me (and hearing some of my friend's stories, I really wasn't that bad or troublesome. She drank a lot then too). As a kid, I wasn't allowed to cry if she was mad/yelling at me. I'd get punished for it. She lied to my grandma, who was helping me out financially, to get grandma to side with her and cut me off. She regularly throws fits for no reason. She sided with my abusive then-husband when it was convenient and talked trash about me to him. She called my best friend to talk trash about me. And I could go on and on and on, those are just a few.
I finally decided to cut it off a few days ago. I blocked her on Facebook, any emails she sends will automatically go through the trash. I am done, for now at least. She has taught me to fear her, and imo, fear and respect can't coexist. Now that I don't fear her anymore, I also have no respect for her. I wish her the best, and love her as a human being and feel compassion for her, but she is toxic and I have no need for toxicity in my life. She is/was abusive, and that led me to marrying a man who is very much like her and abused me for 3.5 years.
I've been having nightmares about her for weeks now. I dream that she yells at me, humiliates me, things of the like. Sometimes I'm me as a kid, sometimes as a woman. I am exhausted. Last week-end, my boyfriend had to soothe me in the middle of the night after I suddenly sat up in bed panicking. It's at least every other night, if not every night. And I grind my teeth. I don't know what to do. Right now, therapy isn't an option. I just need to get a good night's sleep, but feel at loss as to how.
