My friend. - Page 2

[root*children]

well i'm actually a little heartened by this conversation, as my partner and i both have friends that drive us CRAZY they are so bad with money. It's kinda nice, in a weird way, to know that other people struggle with these types of friends as well.

We have long ago learned to not let people use us (NO is a very good word when it comes to friends), but it's still hard to listen to our friends as they go through tough financial times, and as outsiders in the situation, we can easily see what changes they could make to make ends meet. ugh.. hard to watch a friend go through it - but you still can be friends!! You just have to detach a bit

[Norasmomma]

I have a friend like this, she is always freaking out about money, yet she also is driving all over, going to visit her family, little road trips, eating out because she doesn't want to cook, going to the store daily.

I get sooooooo sick of hearing about it, go get some budget counseling and be quiet about it. Don't complain that you have 2 car payments when you could have had your car bought and paid for, then got another loan for the bigger car for your family. Instead trade in that car, get a bigger car, then realize you need 2 cars, so you buy another car with another loan.

Oh and don't ask me financial advice when you won't even listen, BUT you asked me. Annoying.

[ParisApril]

nm

Edited by ParisApril - 11/13/10 at 8:47pm

[Usually Curious]

She bought weed w/tax payer funded welfare? Nice.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by ParisApril

Friend teaches yoga Monday at lunch 2 blocks from my house from 12:15 to 1. She dropped her DD off at 11:45. Didn't get back until just after 2pm. I was annoyed. She said the lady who she works for wanted to show her something on the till so sorry she is so late. I told her she had better call me next time.

Honestly here's my problem. I like her when we are just hanging out together it's fun. I don't want to be her financial councillor, I am already helping her with her clutter issues. I don't want to be a doormat, I just want to hang out sometimes.

Can I be blunt? That's exactly what you are at this point. She didn't call because she knew that she didn't have to and she knows that she can do it again next time because you've never given her a reason to think otherwise. You need to take back some control in the friendship...right now you have none.

[ParisApril]

I haven't hung out with her for more than an hour 2 x in the past month. 

Edited by ParisApril - 11/15/10 at 4:20am

[vannienicole]

I wouldn't hang out with her at all if she cares so little and has so little respect for you and your time .  I'm sorry you had to deal with a friend like that.

[Thystle]

What EXACTLY do you get out of this relationsip?

Seriously, not in a snarky way, but why do you still stick around? What is the draw?

[ParisApril]

Originally Posted by Thystle 

What EXACTLY do you get out of this relationsip?

Seriously, not in a snarky way, but why do you still stick around? What is the draw?

nm.

Edited by ParisApril - 11/15/10 at 4:21am

[mattemma04]

She is a user.Accept it or say no and see if she will even bother being your friend once you stop doing for her. If you give something(or money) and expect cash later forget it.Loaned money is often never paid back.Consider it a gift.

[Chicky2]

I had a friend who was always talking about how broke her family was.  They had no $ for their electricity bill, or groceries, or whatever.  So we'd help out (with food), not because we were asked, but because we were worried about them.  The one time we loaned $20 we never saw it again.  They were going to the food pantry, and actually brought over their financial info so that I could help them with their budget.  I also took the time to do a "diary of a chicken" to show how one chicken could be used to feed their family for several meals.  After all the time I spent on their budget and showing them how to cook from scratch and all that, they consistently did the opposite, sinking themselves into a deeper hole.  So the wife got a job.  That should solve it, right? More $ coming in equals more bills paid, right?  Wrong.  They just started eating out all the time, buying more expensive beer, and smoking more cigarettes.  So now when they complain about not having $ I ignore them and change the subject.  Honestly, I now have very little desire to even see them, but keep some semblance of a relationship because all our kids play all the time.  Last I heard they are not sure if they are going to lose their house or not.  (basically it appears they are waiting for the bank to make their decision for them, iykwim).

Sounds like it's time for a new friend.

[SilverFish]

i find other people's finances SO confusing. there are two moms i hang out with on a regular basis. one is closer in age, we really have a lot more in common in terms of interests etc, but i honestly do not understand how they survive month to month. by all accounts, our income should be higher or pretty much the same as theirs, yet she goes shopping ALL the time, her dd always had really "cool" clothes, as do her and her husband. they go out to eat all the time, live in a pretty fancy neighbourhood, etc. i would love to have her lifestyle and i find her taste in clothes to be excellent, so i know how much she's spending on everything, because i've looked at the price tags. a few years ago, it would never have occurred to me how much of my monthly budget designer jeans, collector sneakers and new tattoos could eat up, but i do now! she doesn't complain about finances the way you describe (i couldn't stand that!) but she does comment on how much money she's spent on clothes quite frequently.

honestly, in the end i find it much more relaxing and fulfilling to hang out with the other mom, who is in a totally different stage of life, not that similar in interests, but who lives her life in the same frugal vein as we do. even though they have their own house, two well-established careers, they still budget similarly to us, and thus we are a lot more compatible when it comes to outings and even just hanging out.

anyway, i'm not being judgmental about these women's spending habits at all... they might have sources of income or expenses i know nothing about, but on a day to day basis, i find it easier to hang out with a woman whose spending is similar to my own than a person who spends very differently, even though personalities and interests would suggest otherwise. what i'm saying is that crunchiness aside, finances are a big part of lifestyle, and have a lot to do with compatibility in friendships.

[Chicky2]

Originally Posted by SilverFish 
what i'm saying is that crunchiness aside, finances are a big part of lifestyle, and have a lot to do with compatibility in friendships.

 

I agree.  It's unfortunate but true.  It's hard to be the one w/no $, just as it's hard to be the one w/$.  And if you are of a different mindset than your friend whengetit comes to finances, it's really hard.  A neighbor of mine and I have lots in common when it comes to our lifestyle, but if she were constantly complaining about no $ it would be hard to be as good of friends as we are.  Don't me wrong, we both occasionally complain, but who can listen to complaining all the time?  I have my kids for that, lol!