Would you feel comfortable with this?

[CliffRose]

DS is going on a trip to California for a week leaving Sunday. My ex is already there and has arranged for his wife's parents to fly with ds (they are going too). We live over 1 hour from the airport. My car is broken down, so ex asked me if he found a ride for ds, if I'd go with him, and I agreed. He found a ride for DS, but didn't tell the person that I'd be coming too, and there is only one seat left in the car, and it's for ds. DS doesn't know the person driving him, and doesn't want to go without me (he is only 5). I also don't know that person, but know she used to be married to a meth addict. Now, she really cleaned up her act, does yoga, eats healthy, etc, but I really don't feel comfortable with this. I'm am being overreacting? Should I force ds to go with her even if doesn't feel comfortable with that? Thanks for your advice.

Oh, and my ex's in-laws are driving 3-4 hours from the opposite direction in order to be able to fly ds, so they probably don't want to add another 2.5 hours to their driving time to come get ds in the town where we live.

[Adaline'sMama]

No. I wouldnt put a child in the car with someone they dont know. Is there anyway that you can find another ride for him. Maybe craigslist? (where you could ride too)

[StephandOwen]

No way would I force my 5 year old to ride in a car for an hour with someone he doesn't even know.

Ask ex if he'll pay for a taxi for you and ds to the airport and for you back home?

[4midablemama]

If you're paranoid, then I am too, because under no circumstances would I force my child to go anywhere with someone she does not know and is not comfortable with. Your ex needs to find another way to get you AND your ds to the airport.

[hillymum]

How about ask ex to help get your car fixed so you can drive ds to the airport? No way would I be comfortable with him riding with strangers, and you are probably going to have the same issues with the return journey?

[MissLotus]

No way at all. It's a stranger! Your child is not comfortable with it and for good reason.

I agree with the PP who suggested that your ex help you get your car fixed - great idea.

[Halfasianmomma]

I wouldn't feel comfortable at all with that arrangement.

[doubledutch]

no, your kid isn't comfortable, i wouldn't be either. i had to do that sometimes as a kid, and i found it really scary, even if it was someone my parents knew and felt okay about. (and i was with my older brother!) no way. and i wouldn't ask my confident, out-going 5yo ds to do that.

[meemee]

do you have a choice?

can you arrange a ride with a friend? borrow a car?

what are your options? because if you dont take that ride does it mean ds will miss the trip? i would not let ds miss this trip just coz your ex failed to get a proper ride for you.

does the person live near you - reasonable distance?

could you invite her over and go for coffee with your son? if she IS your only option. maybe that will break the ice a little bit.

no way on earth would i ever force my dd to do anything that she is not comfortable with. especially without me.

however this is beyond than just a ride to the airport.

[Jyotsna]

First, ask your ex's parents (son's grandparents) to pick up your son on the way. If they don't want to/can't, then have ex pay to repair your car.

I would never put my children in cars with strangers. I would really be cautious about putting my child in the car with someone I knew, and if my child didn't want to go. That would be a real RED light to me.

I feel that the most important part of the journey for your son, should be handled in a better way that with an ex-addict.

Tell your ex to make better plans...fix your car....or come get your son for the vacation.

[Latte Mama]

Even if my DS DID feel comfortable with it there is no way I would let him ride with someone I don't really know that well. I don't really trust too many people driving my kid anyway so that's another issue but no, I would have to figure something else out.

[RaeDyCo]

Could your ex pay for you to rent a car to take your DS to the airport?

[Super~Single~Mama]

Why can't you get your car fixed? I don't think thats your ex's responsibility. And, I personally think its your responsibility to find a ride for your ds - especially since this most likely isn't a last minute trip.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with that situation, but you need to find a way to make it happen if you're unwilling to go with what your ex put together. Especially since its your fault he doesn't have a ride (its YOUR car that broke down, and you aren't getting it fixed - which isn't your ex's responsibility).

Harsh reality I know, but thats life. If this is your only option you may have to go with it - can your ex's parents call you when they meet up with your ds to let you know that they are all safely on their way to Cali?

[doubledutch]

i agree, the car is the op's responsibility, but providing transportation for a vacation with the ncp is not her responsibility. her ex offered to find a ride for her son which she could ride along on, and she agreed to that. he didn't do that, though.

i don't think "the ride" necessarily sounds like a bad person. it's not her fault that her ex ended up on meth. that's all beyond the point. the point is, it's not someone the child knows and he's not comfortable spending an hour in the car with her, without his mom, and with some other random people filling up the other seats. who are they?

so yeah, i don't really think it's op's job to get her ds to the airport. it was nice that she was going to, but her circumstances changed and now she can't. her ex needs to provide suitable transportation for his vacation with their child.

[josie143]

No. I wouldnt put a child in the car with someone they dont know.Or I didn't know !

[One_Girl]

Is this a visit you are obligated to get him to? If so then can you find another way to get him to the airport? If it is a visit you agreed to because your ex is paying for the trip and you want it for your son then I think your ex should find a more reasonable ride for your son. If you have no choice about him going on that plane then you need to find a way to do it, send him in the car, or live with the possibility of legal consequences. Is there an option of a bus, such as grey hound for that hour ride, if so would can you or your ex pay for it so he can go?

[CliffRose]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

Ask ex if he'll pay for a taxi for you and ds to the airport and for you back home?

We live in a tiny town, no taxis here

Originally Posted by thyra

Why can't you get your car fixed? I don't think thats your ex's responsibility. And, I personally think its your responsibility to find a ride for your ds - especially since this most likely isn't a last minute trip.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with that situation, but you need to find a way to make it happen if you're unwilling to go with what your ex put together. Especially since its your fault he doesn't have a ride (its YOUR car that broke down, and you aren't getting it fixed - which isn't your ex's responsibility).

Harsh reality I know, but thats life. If this is your only option you may have to go with it - can your ex's parents call you when they meet up with your ds to let you know that they are all safely on their way to Cali?

When my ex told me that ds was going to need a ride, some parts were on their way for my car, but I told him that I couldn't guarantee that it would be running by then (that was end of August). Since then, we found out that either the motor needs to be rebuilt, or it needs a whole new motor (both options are about $1500, or I can buy a new used car. I just bought that one 2 1/2 months ago, and all my money ($2300) went into it. Turned out to be a lemon. My ex lives in the same town than me, but just didn't want to have to come back to pick up ds, so driving him to the airport would've been doing him a favor, not fulfilling my responsibility.

Originally Posted by One_Girl

Is there an option of a bus, such as grey hound for that hour ride, if so would can you or your ex pay for it so he can go?

Lol, no Greyhound buses here, we live in the middle of nowhere.

Surprise, surprise, ex ended up acting nicely about the whole thing, and finding ds another ride with someone he and I knows who also has a child, and who is a very nice person. I feel so relieved! My ex can be very nasty, and I was half expecting a nuclear war from not "complying" to his wish (he was abusive when we were married).

Thanks for your support everyone!