My two boys are 3 and 1. They go to a home based day care that is just the provider and her two children, 4 and 2, and one other little boy who is 4. It was disclosed in the handbook that time out is used as a disciplinary tool. I don't love that, but I was fine with it. Yesterday my 3-year-old said something like, "then I said/did x, and then Ms. S spanked my butt" and I was like, what the F? I grilled him for like 10 minutes about whether this was something that had actually happened to him or whether he was just repeating something he had heard, and he said that it had not happened to him, he was just saying it. So this morning I asked the provider (who I generally like and get along with very well) where he might have heard that word -- it is not one that we use in our home -- and she revealed that she had spanked her own daughter (2yo) a few days ago when my children were in the house. She took her into the bathroom to do it, she said, so my children didn't witness it. She said it is only something she does as a last resort and it is very rare, and of course she would never do it to any child not her own.
After mulling this over for a little while, I am not sure what to do. I am passionately against physical punishment of children, and while it is none of my business what she does to her own kids on her own time, it is my business what my children are exposed to. They have now been exposed to the word and the concept of hitting a child on the bottom as punishment, something I hoped they would not know about at all until they were much older, and even if they didn't see it, they heard it happen and heard the crying afterwards. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Plus, if he is talking about it two days after the fact, it obviously made a big impression on him, which also makes me sick.
In every other way (except perhaps the tv being on a bit more than I would like), I really like our care provider and think she does a wonderful job every day. My kids get personal attention, a lot of loving guidance, fun activities, educational experiences, nutritious food, and care that is affordable for us. I do not want to look for other care ... but, I'm not sure I can live with the idea that my kids will be exposed to violence against other children. What I would like is for her not to say that word or do that to her children when my children are in the house. That would solve the problem for me. But I'm not sure it's appropriate for me to ask her to do that, or rather, not do that. I will say that her handbook explicitly said that "no child at [name of daycare] will be hit, spanked, belittled, etc." That led me to believe that she did not use physical punishment on her children, at least during day care hours.
What would you do?
ETA: I should note that I do trust that she would not ever hit my children. So this is just about my kids being exposed to that being done to someone else.
After mulling this over for a little while, I am not sure what to do. I am passionately against physical punishment of children, and while it is none of my business what she does to her own kids on her own time, it is my business what my children are exposed to. They have now been exposed to the word and the concept of hitting a child on the bottom as punishment, something I hoped they would not know about at all until they were much older, and even if they didn't see it, they heard it happen and heard the crying afterwards. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Plus, if he is talking about it two days after the fact, it obviously made a big impression on him, which also makes me sick.
In every other way (except perhaps the tv being on a bit more than I would like), I really like our care provider and think she does a wonderful job every day. My kids get personal attention, a lot of loving guidance, fun activities, educational experiences, nutritious food, and care that is affordable for us. I do not want to look for other care ... but, I'm not sure I can live with the idea that my kids will be exposed to violence against other children. What I would like is for her not to say that word or do that to her children when my children are in the house. That would solve the problem for me. But I'm not sure it's appropriate for me to ask her to do that, or rather, not do that. I will say that her handbook explicitly said that "no child at [name of daycare] will be hit, spanked, belittled, etc." That led me to believe that she did not use physical punishment on her children, at least during day care hours.
What would you do?
ETA: I should note that I do trust that she would not ever hit my children. So this is just about my kids being exposed to that being done to someone else.
I tried to speak to him about it yesterday afternoon and told him that some mommies and daddies think it is okay to hit as punishment, but that his Mommy and Daddy don't think it is okay, we think it is bad and wrong and we would never ever do that to him. I don't really think he got it.
