I'm an egalitarian who actually used to think, before having kids, that sexism was getting rarer and rarer in America these days. Then I had children, and first off I learned that some people see it as "immodest" for a mother to just lift her shirt and feed her hungry baby or child.
In the ten years since having my older dd, I've become increasingly aware of how the standards of modesty are much harder on girls than on boys. I was recently confronted by a 12yo at our neighborhood playground because it upset and disgusted her than my 5yo fell down and her dress when up, and she got a glimpse of dd's butt-cheek.
This girl's offense seemed especially ludicrous to me when I considered that she wasn't the least bit concerned that her own little brother was running around in pants so big they kept falling down and exposing his underwear...
Of course, it's easy enough to put shorts on under dresses for my 5yo, though it kind of annoys me that some people would get so worked up about a little girl playing and not being all self-conscious and prim about her dress -- but this isn't the only little drop of sexism I'm witnessing.
True, we are mainly dealing with a lot of comments from a group of playground bullies at the moment -- but I can't help realizing that these views are not just confined to this one group of kids.
One of the bullies was recently getting onto my 10yo for "swinging with her legs apart" -- the bully, a girl herself, called my dd a "he-she." I've had to encourage dd to tell these kids it's none of their business when they question her about her bathing habits or wonder why she's "dusty."
She simply loves playing outdoors and getting super wild with it sometimes ... and I'm kind of glad she's not "settling down" and becoming sedentary like some of her peers, even though she is now 5'2" tall and weighs 120 lbs and has some breast and hip development.
The other day dd1 commented that it wasn't fair that the boys could pull off their shirts to cool down when they were hot and sweaty at the playground, and no one said a thing, but she "couldn't." I agreed that it wasn't fair, and I also said that she probably literally "could" take off her shirt -- but that it would attract a lot of attention that I didn't think she would want, and she agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea.
I know this issue is really hot in my mind right now because of the various difficulties we've encountered with this one group of kids who frequents the playground -- but it's honestly not "just" about them. I've encountered other people who seem to think it's "disgusting" for girls and women not to be extremely conscious at all times about modesty, but think nothing about a shirtless man jogging down a public street.
I feel like I want to help my girls avoid unnecessary problems, which probably means it's a good idea for my little one to wear shorts under dresses, but at the same time I want to raise empowered young women who aren't willing to cower in some corner to fit into someone else's idea of a "modest young lady."
I welcome everyone's input and stories!
In the ten years since having my older dd, I've become increasingly aware of how the standards of modesty are much harder on girls than on boys. I was recently confronted by a 12yo at our neighborhood playground because it upset and disgusted her than my 5yo fell down and her dress when up, and she got a glimpse of dd's butt-cheek.
This girl's offense seemed especially ludicrous to me when I considered that she wasn't the least bit concerned that her own little brother was running around in pants so big they kept falling down and exposing his underwear...
Of course, it's easy enough to put shorts on under dresses for my 5yo, though it kind of annoys me that some people would get so worked up about a little girl playing and not being all self-conscious and prim about her dress -- but this isn't the only little drop of sexism I'm witnessing.
True, we are mainly dealing with a lot of comments from a group of playground bullies at the moment -- but I can't help realizing that these views are not just confined to this one group of kids.
One of the bullies was recently getting onto my 10yo for "swinging with her legs apart" -- the bully, a girl herself, called my dd a "he-she." I've had to encourage dd to tell these kids it's none of their business when they question her about her bathing habits or wonder why she's "dusty."
She simply loves playing outdoors and getting super wild with it sometimes ... and I'm kind of glad she's not "settling down" and becoming sedentary like some of her peers, even though she is now 5'2" tall and weighs 120 lbs and has some breast and hip development.
The other day dd1 commented that it wasn't fair that the boys could pull off their shirts to cool down when they were hot and sweaty at the playground, and no one said a thing, but she "couldn't." I agreed that it wasn't fair, and I also said that she probably literally "could" take off her shirt -- but that it would attract a lot of attention that I didn't think she would want, and she agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea.
I know this issue is really hot in my mind right now because of the various difficulties we've encountered with this one group of kids who frequents the playground -- but it's honestly not "just" about them. I've encountered other people who seem to think it's "disgusting" for girls and women not to be extremely conscious at all times about modesty, but think nothing about a shirtless man jogging down a public street.
I feel like I want to help my girls avoid unnecessary problems, which probably means it's a good idea for my little one to wear shorts under dresses, but at the same time I want to raise empowered young women who aren't willing to cower in some corner to fit into someone else's idea of a "modest young lady."
I welcome everyone's input and stories!