Your Schedule / FLYing while WFHing

[EdnaMarie]

Okay. Long story short. As some of you already know I want to leave my marriage. For this, I have to work outside the home, or from home.

However, this week I had a busy week but was doing less than I would normally do if I were WOH. And my house is gross. It's revolting. Dishes in sink, etc. Now part of that is DH. I cannot count on him for anything and yet he asks me to help him to the most ridiculous tasks (like taping boxes shut... yeah). I want to completely eliminate him from my routine. I am practicing assertive-not-aggressive "no"s. Still, I have to get my stuff together.

So, what do you do? I want to "work" the next week on fixing my CV and sending it out. So housework will be... when? Time with DD1... when? When do I sleep? What does your schedule look like? I will essentially be a single working mother, but working part-time at a well-paid job. I am very lucky about that. But I don't want my kids to grow up in a dump on nasty food, either. I'm willing to compromise, but I want to do my best.

What's your best? What's a good week look like?

[~pi]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

Okay. Long story short. As some of you already know I want to leave my marriage. For this, I have to work outside the home, or from home.

However, this week I had a busy week but was doing less than I would normally do if I were WOH. And my house is gross. It's revolting. Dishes in sink, etc. Now part of that is DH. I cannot count on him for anything and yet he asks me to help him to the most ridiculous tasks (like taping boxes shut... yeah). I want to completely eliminate him from my routine. I am practicing assertive-not-aggressive "no"s. Still, I have to get my stuff together.

So, what do you do? I want to "work" the next week on fixing my CV and sending it out. So housework will be... when? Time with DD1... when? When do I sleep? What does your schedule look like? I will essentially be a single working mother, but working part-time at a well-paid job. I am very lucky about that. But I don't want my kids to grow up in a dump on nasty food, either. I'm willing to compromise, but I want to do my best.

What's your best? What's a good week look like?

I'm very sorry to hear about your marriage. That must be stressful.

I'm not entirely clear what you're looking for here. Reassurance that your kids won't, "grow up in a dump on nasty food"?

It sounds like you have very high standards. Most happy WOHP I know (including me) have relaxed standards. I prioritize cooking, time together, and my own well-being (e.g., sleep, exercise) over a spotless house. Dishes get done daily, laundry gets done regularly, but most other cleaning is catch as catch can.

WOHP I know who are more invested in the way their house looks tend to either hire a cleaning service or they have a schedule that they squeeze into their daily schedule. It can be done, but something else has to give -- e.g., I could spend more time cleaning if I reallocated the time I now spend playing with DS, exercising or reading.

FWIW, time with kids can be combined with some of the other things you list. I often combine cooking dinner with time with DS. He helps me, or hangs out in the kitchen and plays while I prep.

Best of luck to you.

[EdnaMarie]

Yeah, my marriage has been like that ever since the Big Baby was usurped by the Little Baby, I kind of felt it had to end this way if he didn't change. So that's okay. I mourned my happy married life long ago.

As for my question, I'm looking for YOUR schedule! Tips! How you make it work. On a good week, anyway. What your day looks like. That kind of thing.

My house is far from spotless now. I'm working off and on but to give an example, dishes didn't get done for two days. Don't ask how, even I don't know. Two volunteer events + husband leaving on business trip + some work + random kid stuff = no time to clean anything. Now it's bedtime and the rest of the things aren't picked up. I have two small ones and it doesn't take long to get to a really intolerable level of squalor.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

Two volunteer events + husband leaving on business trip + some work + random kid stuff = no time to clean anything. Now it's bedtime and the rest of the things aren't picked up.

are you saying you took part in two volunteer events?

perhaps its time to cut down on that.

it was v. v. hard. for instance i had maybe a couple of hours in the evening to take care of dd and me. so we did frozen dinners. i had to give in somewhere. sometimes i did paper plates.

before going to bed i gave myself 15 mins to do whatever i could.

didnt get much housework done till weekend. had dd help while i cleaned.

it was constant constant juggling till i found my own balance.

[lolar2]

Definitely sounds like you'd have to quit volunteering for a while.

[EdnaMarie]

Yeah, well I became president of a small organization before I realized my work would start up sooner than expected, and we're just starting this up, so I can't back down now and let down so many people.

Normally it will be twice a week, and the work is part-time. But doing the volunteer stuff will be good for my CV in the long run, and that's the difference between 40 k and 80- 100 k a year, because it's executive experience (however small).

Thanks everyone. I am planning stuff out and will let you know...

[2lilsweetfoxes]

When I was essentially a single parent of two little ones working full time outside the home (DH was deployed), I found it easier. No one was home to mess up the house! I'd make the meals, which would often make four to six servings, serve myself and my daughter. Then I'd eat leftovers for the next two or three meals (and serve DD pb&j or pizza for dinner, and she'd eat whatever they served at day care). DS was breastfeeding. Breakfast was simplified to cereal or homemade muffins (if I baked on Saturday or Sunday) or bagels and cream cheese plus a hard-boiled egg or two most days. As long as I kept up the dishes and laundry, I was golden. I got my little "flylady" routines and DD, DS and I did quite well. I grocery shopped on Fridays when I got off work earlier than usual and left the kids at daycare.

As soon as DH came back and became a SAHD, then, I get home from work and the house is a disaster. I have to clean up after everyone--and let me tell you, it is hard when it feels like you are the only one who gives a darn.

[Quinalla]

Well, my situation is different from yours, but for tips on cleaning/working/etc. I do dishes every night, unless the dishwasher is really sparse, like less than half full, I just run it every night. So my routine is put my DD to bed, get PJs on, eat dinner if I haven't, then do the dishes and get the dishwasher running, then clean out the cat litter box. I usually do a bit a spot cleaning and general picking up at this time too, but no more than 15 minutes or so, then I relax or go to bed

DH and I tend to do big cleaning on the weekends, either while DD is napping/sleeping for the night or one of us cleans while the other plays with her.

I also try to do things while feeding or playing with DD. I can usually get some dishes done and spot cleaning the kitchen when feeding her. I can get laundry hung up/folded/etc. while she plays on the floor nearby or is in the bjorn. I can spot clean the bathroom a bit while she is in the bath. Things like that really help, so instead of sitting there bored while she doesn't need me for play at that moment, I get some stuff done, but I am still there if she does need me.

[EdnaMarie]

2lilsweetfoxes, that is massively encouraging and reinforces my belief that DH is the equivalent to two children, one aged six months, the other about two and a half. LOL!

I don't have a dishwasher that works. Yeah, it sucks. I need to call in and have it fixed.

It sounds like you all are basically doing the same as me. I just need to get in a routine with the baking / food prep so I'm not up until eleven making food and washing dishes and I'll be good.

How many hours a night do you all sleep?

[Alyantavid]

You just have to get into a routine. If you can, clean out your whole house and declutter and then keep up with it. If you walk into the living room, pick something up and put it away. Get your kids to help with a big pick up before bed. Meal plan. Make a cleaning routine and stick with it.

Right now, my schedule is:

7-3:30 work (I do go home on my 1/2 hour lunch break and usually do the dishes or throw in some laundry after I've made my lunch)
4ish home, kids snack
4:30 homework/homeschool
5ish totally free time for the kids to play, do whatever
5:30ish I start cooking dinner and there's usually one kid or the other in there with me
6:30ish dinner, we all sit down together every night (dh sometimes misses this because of his work schedule)
7 start baths, they typically go one after the other so while one's in the tub I can chat with the other or I'll hang out in the bathroom
playroom pick up, tomorrow's clothes picked out, pajamas picked out, backpacks ready for tomorrow
8 bedtime. teeth, a story if we have time and then bed
I go to bed around 10, so anytime after the kids are bed, I either hang out with dh and watch a movie or I play around online, read a book, whatever.

As long as everyone picks up after themselves and we follow the same basic schedule it works fine.

I really clean on Saturdays while my kids are watching cartoons and do laundry over the course of the weekend. I do cook more on the weekends so I have less to do during the week.

I involve my kids in everything I do so they can learn things and I don't have to ignore them to clean my house or do my dishes.

[EdnaMarie]

Alyantavid, that sounds like my present schedule but for the fact that we do the park in the afternoons. I'm trying to do more online stuff at that time, but there's no Internet there. Well... there is... but I'm not going to steal it, at least not for anything with graphics.

When do you prep meals? Bake? Who does the shopping and when?

[Alyantavid]

I do the shopping every 2 weeks. Dh does pick up some things after his class every week or two if we need something I can't get at our little store. I go shopping after picking up ds1 from the bus stop but before I pick up ds2 from daycare. It's easier on all of us and ds1 gets to spend a little alone time with me. All my meals during the week are ready in 15-30 minutes. I save more involved meals for weekends and do as much prep as I can on weekends.

And I don't bake. Well I do make muffins, sometimes bread, but that happens on Sundays. My 4 year old loves to help make muffins.

[EdnaMarie]

I do the shopping every 2 weeks

Hm.

I am in Europe and the shopping carts just aren't that big... nor is our fridge. Looks like your boys are older than my girls, too, so I can only assume you are buying way more than me. Okay. Thanks.

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

Hm.

I am in Europe and the shopping carts just aren't that big... nor is our fridge. Looks like your boys are older than my girls, too, so I can only assume you are buying way more than me. Okay. Thanks.

Maybe, maybe not. My shopping trip doesn't even fill up a shopping cart.

My point was that this is what works for us. You just have to find out what routine works for you. Or if a routine works for you at all.

[cchrissyy]

I was shocked to see how EASY it is to keep a house clean when nobody is home during the day!

Honestly, it only ever gets messy in the evening. Then the kdis go to bed and we adults clean up. the house is clean when I wake up, and clean when we all get home that afetrnoon/evening.

Obviously, the key here is not having the kids at home! I was a WAHM for years with babies/toddlers underfoot and it was nuts. Now of course, when I WAH it simply means more time to have laundry running. I don't actively clean but I may run a dishwasher or straighten something so those days the house is a bit cleaner.


re: shopping, DH usually goes, or I do, but that's only once a week. we just use one store and always keep the same stuff on hand, so it's very straightforward.

[cchrissyy]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

It sounds like you all are basically doing the same as me. I just need to get in a routine with the baking / food prep so I'm not up until eleven making food and washing dishes and I'll be good.

How many hours a night do you all sleep?

Now that there's no babies, I always get my 8 hours.

I don't cook. ever. I don't have the time, I don't want the cleanup, and I don't care about planned meals as long as my kids are getting whole grain, organic, healthy stuff. A typical dinner here is "make yourself a sandwich, toast a waffle, or warm up a burrito. Still hungry? have a yogurt" We buy pre-made healthy things so that we don't have to put in the time for meal prep and cleanup. We adults work hard, and we have 3 young kids to pay attention to. I don't give a flip if their weekday meals aren't homemade sit-down affairs : )

[1jooj]

I'm often on my own for weeks at a time when dh travels. In many ways, it is easier. First, because there is no opposition to plans I have or make. The kids don't make plans. Second, because I can prepare/fix meals that dh would never accept. Healthy, but just not his kind of thing, kwim? "Build your own sandwich" night is the favorite meal of the week for the kids, and dh would never be cool with that as dinner.

I work PT, a mix of WAH/WOH, so I have some flexibility that allows me to run errands while the kids are at school (groceries, appointments). So I am flexible with my child-free time and pretty strict with my routine when they are home. I also have a barn full of livestock, so I have to take care of them at regular intervals. Routines are important for them.

Typically, I get up pretty early (before 5) for some alone/writing/coffee time, pack lunches, prep breakfast, throw in laundry, do dishes from the day before. Wake the kids at 6:30, feed/clean/dress for school, wait for the bus at 7:40, then hang laundry and head to the barn after the bus comes. About an hour of barn chores, then maybe another load of laundry, clean up and work out, usually at the gym. Go to work from the gym around 11AM, then home by 3:30 to meet the bus.

Kids get off the bus and have a snack before they start homework. I prep dinner while they do homework, and it cooks while we all do barn chores again (another hour) and bring in laundry. Then, dinner, more homework/reading, showers, teeth and bed. When kids are in bed, I might do more work on my laptop, maybe read, visit MDC. We might chat with dh on the phone before bed.

We do a big clean on weekends, and that's when I might mow lawn, do bigger farm things like take care of bees or clean animal pens or whatever. And maybe visit someone if I can manage to get all my work done--otherwise people visit us here and help me with chores while we visit and kids play.

But I have never been good at doing this for more than a couple weeks at a time. I get really worn out being the only parent on duty. And more than a little resentful. At least when dh is home, he can take some of the conversation--and although he doesn't do much around the house, he does a lot of the farm work.

[hakeber]

Here's my schedule:

I wake up at 4:30 or 5 am with the baby, nurseand cuddle her back to sleep

at 5:30 I shower, get dressed, make breakfast, snack for DS and arrange work stuff,

6am wake up DS and DH who dresses DS, pick up dd who is usually awake by then and nurse on one side while I pump the other and finish marking pile from the evening before.

6:30 out the door with ds for the bus (dh stays home now, but in two months she'll be off to Daycare with DH on hisway to work) DH pops dishes in the sink for later. Ds and I talk all the way to school about whatever he wants.

7am -4pm I work and DS is in school. I have no idea of DH's schedule, but he keeps busy with the baby for sure!

4:30 arrive home, feed snacks and make dinner while DS plays, or colors or watches TV. Nurse baby while marking student work online, while dinner is cooking ( I make a lot of stuff that needs little prep and lots of cooking time so I can break from the stove)

6:30 eat dinner, with family.

7:30 bath and bedtimes

8 -9pm depending on the night, settle in for ten minutes of canoodling with DH before I start marking and he starts studying or prepping his seminars.

11-12 midnight, go to bed.

We have a housekeeper come twice a week, but will probably increase to three times next month when DH will be working ft too. We shop a big shop once a week and little shops every few days in between. I do the dishes before making dinner and DH does the laundry. Marcela does the big cleaning. We eat out once every other week.

I get quality extended kid time on the weekends, and I have about 4 months worth of vacation time a year. I also drag ds and dd to my volunteer events when I do them. We make it a family thing and people have been really understanding and actually grateful for my bringing them...but they really are volunteer service things, not career oriented at all.

Is that what you wanted to see?

To be honest if DH were not in the picture, I would be spending my limited "stuff" budget on full time, live-in help, and probably live on water and ramen noodles mysef so I could afford help and quality food for my kids. I'd probably also find a cheaper school for DS.

[EdnaMarie]

Yes, Rebekah, that is exactly what I meant. Thank you! I am looking to see how other people fit this together. No cleaner for us, though. LOL!

I work PT, a mix of WAH/WOH, so I have some flexibility that allows me to run errands while the kids are at school (groceries, appointments). So I am flexible with my child-free time and pretty strict with my routine when they are home.

Wow. The livestock. We had livestock at one time. It was insane. Anyway. My set-up sounds similar to yours.

Thanks so much, ladies. This has been very encouraging. I feel much better knowing I'm not the only one on five hours sleep as an average!

[pupsnelda]

Here's my schedule:

I wake up at 6:10, I shower, get dressed, make breakfast, snacks for DS 1 and 2 for school,

6:50 am wake up DS 1 and 2 who dress themselves, they have breakfast, I run around.

7:30 out the door, ds 1 walks to the bus, ds 2 leaves 7:50 also walking to the bus.

8am -3:30pm I work and DS are in school.

4:10 arrive home, children arrive at 4:30, a bit laundry, cooking and talking to the children about their day, helping them with homework

6:00 eat dinner, with family.

7:30 bath and bedtimes, 8 pm they are in their beds and read until 9 pm more or less, mostly longer .

8 pm depending on the night, more laundry, a bit of kitchen cleaning, talking to my friends on the phone, TV, reading, sometimes internet, sometimes a friend will come over, every two weeks or so I go out for the movies, have a drink with friends. A few months ago I went twice a week to the gym from 7 to 8 pm, but do want to be more home for the kids at the moment, so I am not doing this right now.

11-12 midnight, go to bed.

I have a cleaner come once a week (3 h), because I prefer to spend time with the children instead of cleaning (like during the weekend for example).

I shop once a week together with the children and buy the missing little things during my lunch break (30 minutes), so no lunch break, but this is what I always did. I am in Germany as well, by the way, , I know the carts but the stuff for the 3 people in my household fits in one.

I get quality extended kid time on the weekends.

Now, my children are 10 and 14, and they are quite independant, I think, but I had more or less the same routine when they were 2 and 6 for example with the only difference that I had to drive them to DC and school and pick them up (but I worked closer to my home back then) and they went to bed earlier .

I have always worked anything between 35 h and 40 h (which counts as full time here) (salaried) and had to be very clear with my employers over the years that I have to leave in time. It was not easy and it is not something employers like, but I got my work always done and I accepted that I will never be promoted although every employer mentioned that they would love to promote me IF I could be more flexible. I can't and I am fine with my decision.

Anything else I forgot?