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need newsy/nosey neighbor advice.

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
ok, so i have this neighbor who i have known for a little over a year, she is a very nice woman, but believe me you she has her issue, she is a drinker, well that is none of my business, she is very nice to us and very sweet to my kids when she sees them, she even gave my oldest a birthday card, i listen to her troubles with her daughter (she seems to always call me when she is drinking) but i really dont offer much advice, i figure she just needs an ear, well she calls me the other day and starts on about her daughter and then shifts gears to my daughter, she states how she has a degree in teaching and thinks my dd would benifit by coming over to her house each morning for her lessons,(first off i would never send my dd over anyones house for anything without me and especially not her house with the drinking issue goodness no)

i explain to her we are doing great and no thank you but then she( neighbor) gets kinda pushy and trys to express how this is something she thinks my dd needs, well again i say no thank you, we homeschool at home just fine, and i make a joke saying if i sent her to your house it wouldnt be homeschooling it would be neighbor schooling... lol

i think she got the point but maybe not, i am nervous now that this once friendly neighbor is going to over step her bounderies and start to become a issue, like i have read about with others, she thinks my dd needs a certified teacher and that i am bot qualified to teach her, that was pretty much the conversation,,, gheez, i hate to have to tell this lady off and end the neighborly friendship, how do you think i should handle this if she brings up that she wants me to send my dd to her house for lessons. No means No get a clue lady!
thanks mamas

(why cant people just mind their own business and live their own life)
post #2 of 9
Being random- could you invite her to your house for a lesson? I mean, if you like this person enough to have her in your home, incase she said yes. Offer to let her come over and help with a special project of some kind that it would be nice to have some help with- like gardening with the kids, and it might let her get it out of her system.

If you really don't like her enough to have her around your kids even with you present, don't feel so bad if you need to tell her to back off. Or, even more nicely, you can tell her that all your lessons are going great right now, but you appreciate knowing she's there to help if you ever need her.
post #3 of 9
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by OTMomma View Post
Being random- could you invite her to your house for a lesson? I mean, if you like this person enough to have her in your home, incase she said yes. Offer to let her come over and help with a special project of some kind that it would be nice to have some help with- like gardening with the kids, and it might let her get it out of her system.

If you really don't like her enough to have her around your kids even with you present, don't feel so bad if you need to tell her to back off. Or, even more nicely, you can tell her that all your lessons are going great right now, but you appreciate knowing she's there to help if you ever need her.
I do like her but really just as a neighbor she is 25 yrs older then me not that matters but it's not we hang out, a friendly conversation, when we see each other ia great but i dont want her hanging out at our home or anything . i think i will just blow her off and tell her we are doing great!
post #4 of 9
Do you have caller ID? If so, I think I might be less available for her to talk to for a while, and maybe she'll find someone else to "help".
post #5 of 9
How about, "No, thanks." Repeat as needed. No need to say anything else.
post #6 of 9
As long as you are complying with state regulations I wouldn't worry about it. Other than that, I'd start avoiding her at all costs and changing the subject if I'm forced to talk to her ( like she caught me getting out of my car ). Generally asking about them, their health or some other topic of interest to them personally can draw them off the subject of your kid.
post #7 of 9
I agree with the other posters. It is quite a strange offer/request. Has she expressed some feeling that your daughter is behind her age peers or something? Is she foreign? It's just hard to understand-- I think a lot of people would be weirded out in your situation.
post #8 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamoogs View Post
ok, so i have this neighbor who i have known for a little over a year, she is a very nice woman, but believe me you she has her issue, she is a drinker, well that is none of my business, she is very nice to us and very sweet to my kids when she sees them, she even gave my oldest a birthday card, i listen to her troubles with her daughter (she seems to always call me when she is drinking) but i really dont offer much advice, i figure she just needs an ear, well she calls me the other day and starts on about her daughter and then shifts gears to my daughter, she states how she has a degree in teaching and thinks my dd would benifit by coming over to her house each morning for her lessons,(first off i would never send my dd over anyones house for anything without me and especially not her house with the drinking issue goodness no)

i explain to her we are doing great and no thank you but then she( neighbor) gets kinda pushy and trys to express how this is something she thinks my dd needs, well again i say no thank you, we homeschool at home just fine, and i make a joke saying if i sent her to your house it wouldnt be homeschooling it would be neighbor schooling... lol

i think she got the point but maybe not, i am nervous now that this once friendly neighbor is going to over step her bounderies and start to become a issue, like i have read about with others, she thinks my dd needs a certified teacher and that i am bot qualified to teach her, that was pretty much the conversation,,, gheez, i hate to have to tell this lady off and end the neighborly friendship, how do you think i should handle this if she brings up that she wants me to send my dd to her house for lessons. No means No get a clue lady!
thanks mamas

(why cant people just mind their own business and live their own life)
Well, I think you need to be wise here. She has implied that she would be better for your child than you. Plus, she is addicted to a substance that she takes so she can numb her pain.

I deeply care for my neighbors and want to be a good neighbor. Unfortunately, I have learned that some people are really convoluted and they may want help one minute and turn on you another.

I have some experience with a neighbor, whose own life is a mess, coming to me for help and then turning on me and trying to cast aspersions on me to deter from her own issues. Or sometimes, I think she is afraid of all the things she has shared with me so then she lies about me and tries to turn others against me. Its been a really f-d up and upsetting situation forced on me.... but I have learned a lot and hope I can use it to help others.

So here is my advice. Be kind. Always be kind. But be clear. "No thank you." Document your conversations with her if she persists with the whole "I would be a better teacher/mother than you "and frankly, I would not entertain her drunken calls. If she needs help, suggest a youth hotline for her to call. Explain to her that utilizing the hotline will give her piece of mind that neighbors will not be judging or gossiping. Plus she can call that hotline 24/7.

I have to run. I hope this helps.
post #9 of 9
People like your neighbor just give me the creeps. Im sorry but they do. I would probably work to distance the friendship and end the friendship rather quickly. I would stop taking her calls, answer most questions with a 'no thank you'. My kid would not be going to her house and such.
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