Help healing an unstitched tear

[AutumnAir]

I'm 11 days PP now and when the MW checked me out after the birth she said I had a 'minor' 2nd degree tear along where I had been cut before. I elected not to get stitches, as a poor stitching job had made for over a year of very painful physical recovery for me last time.

But it's still not even started to heal up, and while the MW might think it's minor, I don't really want to go around with a large hole down there for the rest of my life.

The main problem, as far as I can see, is how to keep the edges of the tear together long enough for healing to start. I can't feasibly lie in bed for a few weeks with my legs together - I've got a newborn, a HN toddler, a husband who's back to work and a house to take care of - we all need to be fed and clothed at the bare minimum.

Is there anything I can do at this stage to hold the edges of the tear together? It doesn't seem likely - even getting out of bed seems to pull them apart... And if not, what are my alternatives at this point? The MW said that they wouldnt suture me now anyway - why not? Is there a good reason for this? Or should I try to get a second opinion? Anything else I can do? I'm eating reasonably well, and getting as much rest as can be expected.

[MsBlack]

Is it still swollen? Usually, after a couple-3 days if mom has been able to lay about a lot, and has used ice on the perineum, the swelling will reduce/disappear. Also, during this same time, you release the extra fluids in tissues and blood that you took on during pregnancy. Thus, tears shrink quite a bit in appearance as the whole vulva/perineum shrinks. You mentioned 'large hole'--just wondering if you've looked lately, or if you are going on what it looked like right after the birth.

The reason that stitching would probably not occur now, is that if the edges have not come together, then it's likely that each edge has healed over to some degree. At this point, usually a doc would want to wait at least 6wks until you are more recovered generally from birth, then do a reconstructive repair: basically, scrape the healed-over edges of the tear to expose raw tissue again, THEN put them together with each other and sew up. This would make for better healing than trying to sew together edges that had begun to heal over. Usually, this healing-over does occur by now--I knew one mom with a similar tear, sounds like--and after 2wks the edges had neither joined nor healed over. We figured out what was happening to prevent good hearling, addressed it, and she healed fine then. But--that mama was able to take it easy as long as needed.

Has your mw actually seen the tear in recent days? Because it may NOT be too healed over to come together--someone who knows how to see the relevant stuff, should look for you. Some would use superglue or a butterfly bandange to hold the edges together. Still--while you won't have to just lay in bed with your legs together, you really do have to take it as easy as possible for as many more days as it takes to heal well-enough. This can be hard with 2 LOs in the house and no help on hand--especially if you feel good otherwise. But you won't heal, with or without stitches, if you can't get enough rest/downtime, avoid lifting and most of the housekeeping.

I'm pretty sure the UC forum here has good threads on tear healing at home.