I can't put baby down!!

[neonalee]

DS is 5 wks. Usually he is nursing or sleeping on me after nursing. I like holding him and watching him sleep after nursing, but sometimes I just need to put him down. Maybe it makes me a bad mom, but I don't want to be attached to him 24/7. But when I put him down, 99% of the time he is screaming in under 2 minutes. The other 1% of the time it takes 5 minutes. It doesn't matter where - bassinet, swing, bouncy chair, car seat. Well, I can put him in the car seat if it's going in the car or on the stroller, as long as it starts moving quickly. I've never prayed so hard for green lights! It also doesn't matter if he is awake, lightly asleep or deeply asleep. Besides my need, there is also the fact that daycare starts in 3 weeks. She isn't going to be able to do so either. Am I doomed to either be attached or let him cry, or is there something I can do?

[lalemma]

My baby was like that, too. I think many babies are just like that. Maybe you can reframe it as "my baby has a powerful survival drive"?

My guy didn't let you put him down until he was about 6 months. I SAH with him, so it was different, but I couldn't have done it without wearing him (in a wrap/sling/mei tai) - wearing him let me get things done. Or just pee!

Would your day care provider be open to wearing your baby if you provided a carrier? When my baby was little, he was basically content to ride around in a stretchy wrap (like a Moby) all the time unless he was eating. It was GREAT. So convenient, so portable. I miss those days a little bit now, which I wouldn't have thought at the time.

[dianakaye]

Part of it, I would say is the age- my son would luckily give me more like 10-15 or even sometimes 20 minutes, but ones that little really like to know mama is RIGHT THERE at all times. Also, yours might be a little bit more "needy" (not that that's a bad thing). Mine, I would say, was "typical" with a little bit of "needy" in there for the first year to 15 months. Anything where my attention couldn't be on him was a nightmare (dinner, driving, anything where I wasn't holding/interacting with him). He's almost two now and he will play and entertain himself for hours- he's much less needy now! I would give two little bits of advice 1) get a wrap or sling so that you can have your hands free once in a while when baby NEEDS to be held and 2) do put him down when you need to get a break. At first he'll only be able to be away from you from 5 minutes but as he gets older he'll be able to be put down for up to (gasp) 20 minutes or so while you regain your sanity. I'm not saying let him cry, I'm just saying put him down until he needs you again so he can get used to it to a certain extent. I know what you mean about not wanting to hold DC all day long. It's not that you don't love snuggles, it's just that at some point you get "touched out".

I'm not sure if I'm the most qualified to dispel your fears about day care as my LO wasn't in that situation, but I have a theory that they're needier when mom is around. If they can smell that mama scent nearby they want her SO close. I'm sure your DS will adjust to his day care situation.

[bender]

Is she gaining weight well? My ds was a screamer as well, but a lot of it was related to my low milk supply. It turned out he was constantly hungry. Once I started an SNS, he'd sleep a bit better after feedings. It still wasn't great, but it was better.

If she's eating and gaining well, it might just be personality and age. If the daycare provider can't handle a newborn needing to be held and comforted, they might not be the best daycare for your child.

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by lalemma

Maybe you can reframe it as "my baby has a powerful survival drive"?

Thank you for this - my little guy has a "powerful survival drive" that has been particularly trying today. You know it has been a trying day when there are baby wearing options strewn around the apartment! I am reframing. It helps. What a smart little dude I have to know that he is safe next to me. sigh.

[blessedwithboys]

OP, baby-wearing is the way to go! GL

[LittleBirdy]

My little guy was like that for awhile. It could just be his age. Right around the 5 week mark he started being okay with being set down. I remember my husband was out of town and I plunked him in the bouncy seat, figuring he'd be screaming in 5 minutes. DH called and I got to talking to him and suddenly realized the baby had been content for more than 20 minutes!

I felt like a bad mama too, for wanting him to be able to be set down once and while. But, as my midwives say, self care is important. Your well being at this point = baby's well being. You do need time to eat, shower, go pee, etc. It will get better. I used to judge the quality of my day by how many meals I ate on the couch with baby nursing. For a long time it was all three. Now most days I manage to be able to eat all my meals properly at the table, though he still has his fussy times (today I only got 2 out of 3).

You are doing a great job attending to his needs! Hang in there.

[neonalee]

Thanks Mamas! I've been reframing like mad; it's what has gotten me this far. I just think I'm one of those people that prefers kids once they are a little older He's definitely gaining fine, so thankfully that's one less worry. We have a mei tai type wrap, and he puts up with it when DP wears it, but not me, though I keep trying. He just wants to nurse when it's me. Sometimes he doesn't like it regardless of who is wearing it, I think because he really doesn't seem to like being confined. Even swaddling is very hit or miss, usually miss. But I will keep trying with the carrier. I'm glad to know I'm not alone though, thanks for that!

[mrs.t]

DS was like that as well, and he hated to be worn in a sling. Maybe try a few different carriers. Most moms don't like it, but he loved the baby bjorn. I put him in it because I had to get things done around the house, and he was asleep within minutes. Also, I wish I had read "The happiest baby on the block" sooner. All the tips in that book really, really helped. With a combination of swaddling, shushing, and what the author calls "swinging" (which is really just jiggly movements) DS would be asleep in no time and without me holding him.

I feel your pain, believe me. I had a constant nurser as well. He really wanted to eat all the time, every 3 hours like all my books said was not enough. Sometimes it was every hour. He is 5 months now, it does get easier. He barely wants to be held now, he's too busy trying to crawl!

[KSDoulaMama]

This is normal, and will most likely become less intense as he gets older... depends on his temperament how quickly or slowly that will happen. My DD was like this for the first 6 or 8 weeks and after that slowly needed less time being snuggled. We were lucky if we could put her down for 30 seconds. Personally, I loved it (MOST of the time!) but that is only because my partner was off work all summer and I'm a SAHM so I could chill out all I wanted.

Please remind yourself that holding and nursing your baby is your most important job right now. Some of the other things can wait a few minutes, a few days, or a few weeks, as hard as it is. If you have anyone else who can pitch in and help with housework or cooking (your partner, a friend, etc.) do take advantage of that. Hang in there. I always tell my doula clients that once they reach 3 months and they are smiling and laughing and interactive it's a real turning point, even if he still needs to be held most of the time.

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by KSDoulaMama

Please remind yourself that holding and nursing your baby is your most important job right now. Some of the other things can wait a few minutes, a few days, or a few weeks, as hard as it is. If you have anyone else who can pitch in and help with housework or cooking (your partner, a friend, etc.) do take advantage of that. Hang in there. I always tell my doula clients that once they reach 3 months and they are smiling and laughing and interactive it's a real turning point, even if he still needs to be held most of the time.

[P.J.]

Originally Posted by KSDoulaMama

TI always tell my doula clients that once they reach 3 months and they are smiling and laughing and interactive it's a real turning point, even if he still needs to be held most of the time.

^^^Definitely!^^^ My DS started "coming out of his shell" around 6 weeks, meaning started smiling and looking in the eyes and interacting more. That was the first step to feeling better with, well, just about everything. But definitely around 10-12 weeks he really started laughing and actively playing and it just got much more fun and rewarding. Up until that point he could only let us know when he was unhappy, and it was such an encouraging milestone when he could let us know he was happy sometimes too!!! Hang in there, at least in my short experience and from what others report, the first couple months can be the hardest.

[memz]

My DD was like that. And she didn't like being worn that much unless she was forward facing.... It started getting better around 3 months I think...when she started getting more interested in her surroundings.....Now at 8 months I can barely keep her in my arms...she'd rather be cruising around getting into stuff Hang in there, it will get easier...

[neonalee]

Ignoring all the other issues with corporate America's unfriendly family policies - we should have 2 maternity leaves. 1 to adapt and recover and a 2nd a few months later to actually enjoy!

Today was actually successful, except for lack of a shower. It occurred to me that if I was nursing him side-lying in the downstairs guest room, then when he fell asleep I could easily get up and do other things. After waking in the AM I rarely want to go back to sleep right away, and if I force it, by the time I start to drift off he wakes up. I'm better with afternoon naps. So this morning we nursed and cuddled downstairs. When he fell asleep I got to put in a load of laundry, and unpack and wash a whole box of glasses. He woke twice to nurse, then he got a bath and some more awake time before I put him in the Bjorn (first time). Not sure if it was the different carrier or the fact that DP got him used to being worn over the weekend, but he went in it with a minimum of fuss (as long as I kept moving) and eventually fell asleep! And I got to eat and go through the mail, etc.

Since then he woke and nursed and is asleep on my lap, but I don't mind because I haven't been sitting here ALL DAY. So we are both happy today

[Knitting Mama]

That's wonderful! Just wanted to give you a word of caution on the Baby Bjorn. That carrier is also known in slang terms as a "crotch-dangle" carrier, for obvious reasons. A lot of babies do prefer to be outward facing (mine is the same way and only relents to inward facing when she is really sleepy), but it should be done in a safer carrier, one that has the baby in a seated position rather than dangling by the crotch. There are SSC's that do this-- the Pikkolo and the new Beco Gemini, for example-- or you can do it in a wrap.

edit: I meant to include that the reason why the "crotch-dangle" carriers should be avoided is because they don't promote healthy hip growth the way a carrier that holds the baby in a seated position does. The baby's tush should be lower than the bent knees in a seated position

[neonalee]

Thanks for the info, I will look into the other carriers and give the mei tai I have another try.