DS1 just turned 5. He's incredibly hyperactive, and has to have my (or his dad's, or both) undivided attention pretty much every single minute he's awake. On a good day I hear a constant "look, mommy LOOK, HELP ME, I need help, I want to [fill in the blank], what do I do next, LOOK! mommy are you LOOKING? mommy LOOK!" If I leave the room for 2 seconds to use the bathroom, he follows me, if I'm in the kitchen doing dishes, he's right.up.under.me asking for something to eat (even if he has a plate full of food on the table) or for me to play with him. He has an intense need to touch, and to move, and to talk and talk and talk and yell and scream and talk and he has very little awareness of boundaries. He's a blur of constant sound and motion, and it's rather exhausting. But he's also a sweetheart who loves to cuddle, is incredibly bright, loves to draw and makes the most amazing lego creations. 
On a bad day however, his need for touch turns into a need to hit, punch, kick, push, jump up and down on people, and wrestle. DH and I get to take our turns as his punching bags, but 3yo DS really gets the brunt of this aggression. I react badly enough when it's me taking the hits, but I really lose it when he is sitting on his brother jumping up and down and laughing while my little guy cries out in pain and I can't get to them fast enough or can't get him to stop. Nothing seems to work when he's like this. Yelling and screaming and taking him in another room are all useless. Talking is a joke. What usually happens is DH redirects his aggression from me and DS2 onto himself and just rides it out with him. Oh and it comes out of nowhere - he might be happily playing one second and absolutely manic the next.
Most days lately are good days. Months ago we started using melatonin to help him sleep, and saw a big improvement. We recently eliminated gluten from his diet, ironically for other reasons, and overnight we saw a dramatic decrease in the more violent and aggressive behaviors. We also noticed more eye contact and he allowed himself to be touched gently and held more than before.
But we still have bad days. Usually it's clear that he's had gluten or not gotten enough sleep and that seems to be the root cause. Unfortunately it's still hit or miss whether he gets enough sleep, and though we try really hard and have eliminated ALL gluten from our home, even trace amounts, he seems to react very strongly to small amounts if we eat out or at someone else's house even if we're very careful.
I've resisted getting him into a behavioral evaluation for several reasons. First we tried through the school district when they were doing his speech eval (he has very poor articulation, though his receptive and expressive communication are actually above age level and he rarely has any problem communicating with family, so we feel communication is not the problem.) They "screened him" while they were doing the speech screening and said he didn't seem to have any behavior issues. We had just started the melatonin at that point and he was doing much better. Then we went gf and he improved even more. On his good days I think I'm nuts to even consider having him screened - obviously diet is the root of his issues right? (says I)
Then comes a day like today, and yesterday, and that day last week, and the one before that... and I just.can't.cope. Just a few minutes ago he used his brother as a punching bag, then scratched the hell out of DH, kicked me, went back to jump on his brother and ran around screaming and banging furniture against the walls. He's mostly ok right now but I'm kind of in a state of panic wondering when the next round might come.
I need coping techniques for all of us. He admits when he's calm he doesn't like to be out of control, but when we're all in the middle of it we just don't know what to do.
Is my best bet to have him evaluated and go from there? Where do I start?
On a bad day however, his need for touch turns into a need to hit, punch, kick, push, jump up and down on people, and wrestle. DH and I get to take our turns as his punching bags, but 3yo DS really gets the brunt of this aggression. I react badly enough when it's me taking the hits, but I really lose it when he is sitting on his brother jumping up and down and laughing while my little guy cries out in pain and I can't get to them fast enough or can't get him to stop. Nothing seems to work when he's like this. Yelling and screaming and taking him in another room are all useless. Talking is a joke. What usually happens is DH redirects his aggression from me and DS2 onto himself and just rides it out with him. Oh and it comes out of nowhere - he might be happily playing one second and absolutely manic the next.
Most days lately are good days. Months ago we started using melatonin to help him sleep, and saw a big improvement. We recently eliminated gluten from his diet, ironically for other reasons, and overnight we saw a dramatic decrease in the more violent and aggressive behaviors. We also noticed more eye contact and he allowed himself to be touched gently and held more than before.
But we still have bad days. Usually it's clear that he's had gluten or not gotten enough sleep and that seems to be the root cause. Unfortunately it's still hit or miss whether he gets enough sleep, and though we try really hard and have eliminated ALL gluten from our home, even trace amounts, he seems to react very strongly to small amounts if we eat out or at someone else's house even if we're very careful.
I've resisted getting him into a behavioral evaluation for several reasons. First we tried through the school district when they were doing his speech eval (he has very poor articulation, though his receptive and expressive communication are actually above age level and he rarely has any problem communicating with family, so we feel communication is not the problem.) They "screened him" while they were doing the speech screening and said he didn't seem to have any behavior issues. We had just started the melatonin at that point and he was doing much better. Then we went gf and he improved even more. On his good days I think I'm nuts to even consider having him screened - obviously diet is the root of his issues right? (says I)
Then comes a day like today, and yesterday, and that day last week, and the one before that... and I just.can't.cope. Just a few minutes ago he used his brother as a punching bag, then scratched the hell out of DH, kicked me, went back to jump on his brother and ran around screaming and banging furniture against the walls. He's mostly ok right now but I'm kind of in a state of panic wondering when the next round might come.
I need coping techniques for all of us. He admits when he's calm he doesn't like to be out of control, but when we're all in the middle of it we just don't know what to do.
Is my best bet to have him evaluated and go from there? Where do I start?
