Is there anything I can do about ex telling ds inappropriate things? - Page 2

[prone_to_wander]

What if you told your ex that you would be recording his calls because he was being inappropriate? Then you would have covered your butt and you'd have evidence that he is saying innapropriate things to your son.

[StephandOwen]

Argh. Okay, ex has stooped even lower. I should explain first that ex's grandparents (ds's great grandparents) have been involved in ds's life since day 1. They are the only decent people from that side of the family, they love ds to pieces, they have never gotten involved in any of this drama and no matter what they have always been there for ds. They live in Tennessee so we only see them maybe once a year but we are "friends" on facebook and we email often. They send ds cards/gifts and ds calls them a couple times a year. I have no problem with them being involved with ds and have done everything I can to encourage it (for example, on our way to Florida earlier this year we passed through Tennessee. I let them know weeks before that and we made plans to meet up for lunch when we passed through). DS has a picture of them in his bedroom as well.

Anyway, so I got a heartbreaking email from them tonight They didn't outright say it but implied that they had heard I will no longer allow anyone from that family to have anything to do with ds. It basically talked about how sad they are and how they hoped dp and I knew that they weren't like the rest of the family and they care about ds and such.

In 7 years I have NEVER gotten these people involved with what happens between ex and I. Never. Even when ex was telling all his family that I was crazy and just up and ran away one day with ds (he left out the details about the drug abuse and how I had warned him many times that I wouldn't tolerate it ). I just shut my mouth and let it go. I will talk to ds's great grandparents about anything under the sun (and do!), except ex. That's just a topic I avoid completely (and they do too).

But apparently ex has told ds's great grandparents that I have kicked all of them out of ds's life and won't let anyone from that family have anything to do with him

I lost it. I sent ds's great grandparents a LOOONG email. I reassured them that I would never keep Owen from them, despite what ex does. And then I let them know exactly what has been going on between ex and I. I let them know exactly how many times I've brought ds back to Michigan and how many of those times ex has actually seen ds. I let them know everything. I didn't bad-mouth ex, but I certainly made the facts known.

It breaks my heart that they were drug into this and felt, for even a moment, that they were going to lose contact with their great grandson. Shame on ex for doing that to these two sweet people

[meemee]

oooooooooh steph this has the potential to be really big. since ggparents know everything now. it might open up more stuff from ex but i think you now have allies and even greater supporters.

[StephandOwen]

Well, ds's great grandparents emailed me back. It was a very sweet email and basically thanked me for letting them know what was going on and said that they pretty much knew something was up. She said that every time she talked to anyone on that side of the family (ex, ex's mom, ex's sister, etc) they had no idea what was going on with ds. They had no idea if he was sick, when he was in the hospital, how he was doing, etc. She said she did find it odd that she knew way more about ds than anybody else did.

I got the impression they are pretty pissed off at ex and all that family for not telling them the truth and trying to turn them against me. She said she emailed ex and his mom asking whether he was going to see ds on his week off work and if not, why?

They also said they knew something was up when I brought ds to Michigan in December of last year. They were there too visiting. They know ex never saw ds at all that weekend. They also know it wasn't because *I* was unwilling because I let anybody who wanted to see Owen that weekend. They saw Owen, as well as ex's sister and her 2 kids. The day that they saw Owen ex said he couldn't bring the baby out of the house because of some stupid reason (and apparently his wife was working and for whatever reason he was refusing to leave the baby with anybody else, even though they have told me many times they leave the baby with Chickadees parents a LOT, even for days at a time). But a few hours after ds's great grandparents saw ds (and ex made excuses as to why he couldn't), ex had taken the baby out of the house to go have dinner with the same great grandparents.

So, thankfully they realize now what is going on. She said out of their 9 grandchildren, they talk to me way more than anyone else (and I'm not even their grandchild, though they have said over and over again that they consider me one and refer to me as their grandchild whenever they talk about us).

[2xand2y]

I wish these grandparents could file an affidavit with the court on Owen's behalf.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by 2xand2y

I wish these grandparents could file an affidavit with the court on Owen's behalf.

They probably can't do this, but if it does go to trial they can PROVE that Steph has done NOTHING to impede his fathers side of the family from seeing Owen. Since they have such an awesome relationship it will speak volumes to anyone about whats happened.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by thyra

Since they have such an awesome relationship it will speak volumes to anyone about whats happened.

EXACTLY!!!! .... however only IF they are willing to go to court or sign an affidavit to say this.

[StephandOwen]

Well, I sent ex an email a few days ago. It was very clear and to the point about what was unacceptable (even bullet pointed. lol). I kept my emotions completely out of it. I was pretty darn proud of myself with that email (though it took a few drafts to get it there!). Ex never replied (don't expect him to, he never does) so I have no proof that he actually got it.... but he talked to ds last night and, from what little I heard as ds was walking by me, nothing stood out at me as inappropriate (other than mentioning, again, that he's on vacation this week so didn't have to work). Hopefully ex read the email and will follow it (hahahaha... funny, I know).

[StephandOwen]

And I still have no idea what's going to happen next month. IF he had come to see ds this summer he would have gotten ds alone on Oct 29, 30 and 31st (for 3 hours each day). But he never came to see ds so there is no agreement between us I've talked to my lawyer and she said since there's no agreement between us then I don't even have to bring ds back to Michigan in October. She does recommend that I do bring him back and let ex see him (not alone) because that will look better to the judge (which we will likely end up in front of before the end of the year). And ds really wants to go that weekend to see his Grandpa and I would hate to deny him that.

So I'm considering bringing ds up to michigan that friday after school (original plan was to leave thursday after school and ds would just miss the day friday) and letting ex see him (supervised by me) on that saturday and then sunday morning before we head back home. I just cannot agree to making ds miss a day of school for ex when he refuses to even come see him (by the time he sees him in October it will have been more than 7 months since he's seen him).

[2xand2y]

As long as that amount of driving in three days (vs. four) doesn't put too much stress on you or O, I think that sounds PERFECTLY logical and reasonable. I'm holding you and O in my thoughts and hoping the judge will FINALLY see how hard you have worked to facilitate the father son relationship and just how one sided those efforts have been.

[meemee]

yeah yeah i agree steph that is a good plan. you have done that every year havent you for halloween if i remember right.

in fact last night i was thinking if you continue to do things as you normally would and give ex the chance to see O as you normally would - then you'd look even better to the judge.

always showing YOU are doing your part, and he never his.

hey has O decided what he wanted to be for halloween?

i vaguely remember halloween was the 'last' time ex saw O or did he skip that time. wait no he DID skip didnt he. you met up with your SIL's kids.

"keep it coming buddy. just keep digging a bigger hole so that even the lenienist judge cannot give you a chance based on your history."

dunno steph i think perhaps continuing as things are are good. perhaps slow and steady might be the answer. a year of telephone calls. and then maybe visitation. [i know that's ok from your perspective]. O will be a little older and if during their alone times ex says anything inappropriate perhaps O might be able to handle it better emotionally. i mean if he is doing this over the phone who knows what he might do in person. good luck to you. perhaps he should get unsupervised when O is 10. yeah i think i like that better.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by meemee

yeah yeah i agree steph that is a good plan. you have done that every year havent you for halloween if i remember right.

Yes, we've gone back to Michigan every Halloween. Mostly because my dad loves Halloween so he usually does a little something for the kids around at that time

hey has O decided what he wanted to be for halloween?

LOL.... yes. And I just posted a thread in the arts/crafts area. He wants to be a dove chocolate. Seriously. A dove chocolate.

i vaguely remember halloween was the 'last' time ex saw O or did he skip that time. wait no he DID skip didnt he. you met up with your SIL's kids.

Last year I brought Owen back October 30, 31 and Nov 1st. Ex saw ds for 3 hours on the 30th but refused to see him the 31st or 1st (ex's sisters kids did see ds on the 31st). Then he skipped all 3 days in November, skipped all 3 days in December, saw him 1 out of 3 days in March (for 3 hours) then skipped all 7 days in July (over 2 different weekends).

perhaps he should get unsupervised when O is 10. yeah i think i like that better.

I don't think we can get that lucky!