Did you feel differently about your VBAC baby?

[babycatcher12]

I'm just curious if you *feel* differently about your VBAC baby than you did about your c/s babies? Did you bond differently?

I had an AWESOME UHBA3C (I wasn't planning it to be a UC, but that's how it worked) a couple of weeks ago. Please don't get me wrong...I love my 3 older boys, but I feel differently about my UBAC baby. I just feel so much more protective of this baby, I feel so much more bonded to him. I'm trying to decide if it's because he's still so new (I remember kind of feeling this way about the others but it seems like it took much longer) or if it's because he was a HBAC baby.

Does anyone know if there is research about bonding and mother/child (or even parent/child or parent/parent) relationships with VBAC vs C/S births?

[Amynf1]

I do. I am much more bonded to my VBAC baby. I love my son and we are very bonded but it took time. he was also very colicky and cranky and I really didn't enjoy the first few months very much. I also had some PPD and a rough recovery from my c/s. That said, with my daughter, the bond was immediate. I only had to hold her to have afterpains because of all the natural oxytocin flowing. It seems like our bond is so much more intense and it happened very quickly. At first I felt really bad that my son missed out on all of hat and I still do but I also realize that it is what it is and he and I have our very special own thing going on so I make sure that he gets enough so he never feels like he's missing out.

[MNHall]

I know I did at first, feel more bonded with my VBAC baby. But, like you said, I'm not sure if it was exclusively because she was so new, or if it had to do with the VBAC success and being so darn proud of myself, my body, and my determination!

The other thing that I wonder if when I was a first time mom, I knew I'd love my baby to pieces and I did...but, it was a love that I had never felt before, so it grew daily. Started huge, but also grew daily. So, I think with my VBAC baby, I already knew what it felt like to love a child so I think the love started greater because I had experience that love and knew the pure joy of being a mother and I knew what I was going to get to experience again.

Since I didn't have a c/s baby that was not my first baby, I can't say that I can REALLY tell the difference of c/s and first baby vs VBAC and second baby. But, I do think I bonded faster with my second/vbac baby.

Then maybe it changed to being equal when she became a "difficult" baby! LOL!

[kitkat5505]

I bonded faster with my c/s babies and my vbac baby was a much more difficult baby than the other 2.

[gingerbane]

No

[shenanegans]

I think I bonded with them the same but it was nice that with my HBAC I didn't feel such sadness and cry every time I thought about his birth like I did after my c-section.

[CherryBomb]

Nope, not at all. My first 2 were c/s, my second had serious health problems and I didn't even get to hold her until she was 5 days old, but I immediately had a very strong bond with her. I felt better physically after my vba2c, but didn't feel any different towards the baby.

[Liberty5_3000]

Yes, definitely. Over time I bonded with my oldest, but almost more like a friend. While this one is very much MY baby and he gets lots of love and kisses and I do all the things first time moms supposedly do (which I never did with the first).

[Beccasteve03]

I was just trying to explain this to my husband last night!

I don’t remember feeling this happy at 4 ½ months with my son. His c-section was emotionally devastating and I was very down for many months. We also had quite the struggle with nusing at the beginning. On top of all that we moved when he was 6 weeks old, so I was in a strange town, with no friends or family and my hubby was working a LOT. So, unfortunately, the first 6 months of DS’s life were pretty dark for me. I clung to him and needed him, and loved him, but I just don’t remember the JOY I feel when I look at my daughter. I feel sad about that, but he’s healthy and happy and doesn’t remember!

[April422]

Part of it could be that you got to experience the full hormonal bliss this time, and you were deprived of a lot of that with the cesarean births. There is a huge hormonal interplay throughout labor and birth and you circumvent that and halt it when you have a cesarean. Of course we're all thrilled that we can have babies by cesarean, but it is different, physically and hormonally.

Sarah Buckley's book Gentle Birth Gentle Mothering goes into this some.

[Multimomma]

I didn't feel any different, but perhaps I didn't have the heartbreak over the csection. I was just pleased to have my baby at the end lol!

[cairomama]

I didn't feel any differently, but my c-section was scheduled for breech so I was able to make peace with it before it happened (for the most part). My surgery and recovery went well. I had breastfeeding difficulties, but we made it through.

I had the protective instinct immediately both times, but felt I needed to get to know them. I thought it would be different with my VBAC baby, but it wasn't. I had a very easy VBAC, but I didn't cry and feel overwhelmingly bonded right away. I felt good and positive both times, but not like some people talk about. Over the next few weeks after birth, I had post-partum elation. Breastfeeding was much easier with my VBAC baby, but the emotions and bonding were the same except for VBAC happiness and breastfeeding ease. Neither effected my feelings towards the baby either time, though.

I do still think about her birth a lot and that is special. My c/s baby was my first and that is special.

[tangledblue]

Haven't had #2 yet, but bear in mind that maybe the adjustment to being a new parent might make the bonding process less easy? It's all so new and there's so much to figure out, it can be stressful. Whereas with subsequent kids, you've BTDT, so you might feel the bond more quickly?

[3tammuz]

Nope. I have two VBAC babies, I am just as bonded to their siblings (two natural births then a CS). The VBAC birth is obviously more special than the CS, but my relationship with the kids is not different.

[Musette]

Interesting - I've actually been worried that there's no way I can feel as bonded and in love with #2 as I did and do with #1 (logically I know I can and probably will, but right now, emotionally, I was more connected to the 1st pg - as I didn't have any c/s vs. VBAC fears and I didn't have a toddler to while away the hours I used to spent thinking of how fabulous pregnancy was, etc).

I do know that the c/s does often mess with the hormonal/euphoric bond that new moms get with their babies. I very possibly haven't felt that initial surge, but I very fortunately had no issues bonding with DS, and my sadness over my c/s, well, I was able to keep that separate from him. He was also a pretty easy baby, which probably helped!

[pacificbliss]

Nope. It was the same. The VBAC did make me better able to appreciate DS C-section birth. In retrospect I could finally see that his birth was the way it had to be and now I just feel blessed that I got to experience both.

[Beneficial Bee]

Originally Posted by pacificbliss

Nope. It was the same. The VBAC did make me better able to appreciate DS C-section birth. In retrospect I could finally see that his birth was the way it had to be and now I just feel blessed that I got to experience both.

Exactly the way I feel!

[roadfamily6now]

No, I love all my kids equally. However, my VBACs and UBACs have changed what kind f person I am but they did not effect how much I love my children.
In fact, my ONLY Homebirth was with a surrogate baby! It was my UBAC and the single most incredible moment of my life. I will cherish it always. But that baby, while still 1/2 my flesh and blood is not any more meaningful to me.

[MsBlack]

This is something I hear about, from my vbac mamas...not that they love their csec babies any less, or their vag birth babies more...it's more about that birth bliss, and the surge of hormones that is satisfied in it's reason for being upon giving birth, I think. That mother-love occurs so much more instantaneously and deeply for most moms after normal birth. Versus dealing with the possible disappointment (or worse) of having had a csec, that is--with the recovery time involved, and especially having the baby unavailable right after birth when those natural bonding hormones are at a peak.

Interesting that many of the csec mamas here who say it was never any different, are also mamas who felt their csections were needed (or at least, appreciated under the circumstances of that birth--bringing baby to their arms at last), and/or had time to integrate the idea of a csec and prepare for it ahead of time.

Also, as some have said, it's not just about hormones toward bonding--its also that sense of empowerment, being more alive and whole after natural birth compared to csection. Our hormones can give us that, too--not just bonding with babies--another benefit of normal birth for sure. And one that is needed, IMO, because it helps boost us emotionally/spiritually into parenting (or our next stage of parenting)...which requires emotional strength, and confidence in ourselves to be up to the hard work of parenting.

Of course, most csec mamas accomplish bonding, joy, empowerment in all kinds of ways in their lives. Not saying that these hormones of birth are the 'only way' toward these important things....but I am saying, those hormones and all else involved with normal birth are needed, very helpful parts of birth's design. Not just to 'get babies out'--but to get mamas ready for the baby in many ways.

[shells_n_cheese]

I had my 1st child by c-section, and when he was handed to me, I felt like he wasn't even mine. I didn't feel I bonded with him right away, it took a few months actually.

I thought if I had a VBAC I would bond after the birth, and feel all those warm an fuzzy feelings...

No. I had my 2nd child at home, and still took a few months to feel that bond.