Spirited babies group-September - Page 2

[P.J.]

So, we've been having a string of "good" days here. I've noticed we have like 4 good days, then 2 or 3 "bad" ones. But they always come in a row like that. Later today we take Max for a Craniosacral appointment. Honestly though I am pretty convinced all his fussing is part of his personality and I somehow doubt Cranio will make a difference. Still, his birth was a tough one and I want to make sure, if possible, that any lingering physical or spiritual/emotional trauma is addressed.

So what I wanted to ask you ladies is about how you deal with those hard days. The days where nothing works and the baby is just fussing and crying and whining and screaming all.day.long. I am curious how you all take care of yourselves spiritually/mentally/emotionally in order not to just lose it. I find the main qualities being cultivated by being the mom of a HN baby are patience and containing frustration and anger. But I have to admit that on those hard days I feel like I have failed, like I reach my limits so fast. So what do you all do to extend your rope, so to speak, so that you don't reach the end of it so soon?

I know more than once I have found myself yelling right back at Max when he has been yelling and complaining all day long. And then I hate myself for having lost it, even if just for a moment. And then I worry about the damage I'm doing when that happens. It really sucks. But I know that on those days after some time I just find myself so annoyed and it's such a challenge to keep my cool because it's like nothing works
I once left Max crying on the floor and went into the next room and screamed into a pillow, so that was I suppose healthier than yelling at him. But I hope to find ways to stay calm in the midst of his storms. BTW I have been a meditator for about 8 years now, and I find a lot of truth and solace in the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. It's all about finding inner peace, and the true test comes in moments like that when the outside situation is anything but peaceful. Still I feel like an utter failure when it gets really intense and I snap. I notice it has a lot to do with where I'm at and when I am feeling good and strong in myself I have so much more space to handle Max's intensity, but when I'm grumpy or upset or off balance, I have very little space for it. I'm human too and I can't be expected to have all "good" days myself, kwim? I just know I have a ways to go and a lot to learn, and I see that being Max's mama is calling me to transform into a much more peaceful, calm, accepting person.

I wrote this on a "good" day so that I can say it with some distance and it's not just a rant. I am really curious what you mamas have found to help you keep your cool or how you handle those moments when the baby has been fussing all day and you just want to scream.

[momto4plus4]

PJ: It's not easy. I think it's much harder when your HN one is a firstborn. I was a wreck with dd1. That said, I was also under tremendous stress and had undiagnosed PPD (2 drs blew me off). I have found myself able to be more in control now but I still, like this morning, find myself yelling at him, rarely, but still.

When my daughter was 3 wks old, it was the first time I "understood" how someone could hurt their baby. She was crying and crying. I asked dh for a break (middle of the night) and he said he couldn't. He found us both crying later. It was a scary moment for me. I've understood the desire to just throw them to make them stop. Understanding that, even in it's warped and scary and horrible way, has made me more attentive to my emotions. I have to go inside myself and think about what is happening, what I'm feeling and how I could handle it.

Sometimes, I just have to put him in his swing or crib, turn on the fan, shut the door and walk away. I mean, even for 20 minutes. I have learned, by number 4, that it won't hurt him. In fact, when I get to that point, it is helping him. I can them regain control, peace and patience in order to go in and comfort him, to be able to see that beautiful child that I love so very much instead of just the response from the screaming.

I have been working at lowering my expectations. My house is a mess. My older 3 have to be more self-sufficient. But, you know what? It's okay. This time is only a moment and I know that the more peaceful I am, the better my kids will be.

All of that said, I have bad days. I mean really bad days. Where I put him down and go and cry and cry and scream and yell. Or like today when he was fighting getting the reflux meds when I yelled his name which obviously made him scream more. I have worked at forgiving myself also. What I did today, while wasn't the best, didn't endanger his life. We'll both be okay. And, harping on myself, feeling guilty, doesn't improve the situation. It just makes me feel worse about myself which makes me less patient in general which makes me less patient with him. I think self-care is extremely important for moms of HN babes.

That was a lot of rambling but your post just really hit me and I want you to know you're not alone. Sometimes it's scary to share how we really feel, especially with those who haven't btdt, so I'm proud of you for being able to share.

[braidmama]

Hey all! I am a new mama Maxwell He was born on April 5, 2010...fussy right from the start! The whole time he was in the hospital with me he was very fussy. He ended up being in the NICU for a few days for a breathing issue and bf-ing didn't get off to a very good start, but we stuck with it after a very long time trying to get the latch thing going and now he's a bf-ing champion! I have a low supply so we do have to supplement a little bit. Anyway, he was colicky for the first couple of months and it has gone straight from that to intense teething mode (even though it feels like forever for his teeth to actually arrive on the surface) and he is super high-needs! Wow! His screams are intense. He's gone through stages of liking a ring sling and liking the beco, it seems like he never likes both at once though. Right now its the sling. The only thing I can get him to sleep with in the past week. He was taking lots of naps and sleeping through the night which was fabulous- no complaining there! For the past week or so he has been hardly napping at all. Or will fall asleep in my arms or the sling and as soon as I transfer him to the crib he immediately wakes and starts his crying routine.

This is hard, isn't it? I love my little Maxeroo so much. I just wish I could keep him happy throughout the day! When will this get easier?

[braidmama]

Originally Posted by P.J.

So what I wanted to ask you ladies is about how you deal with those hard days. The days where nothing works and the baby is just fussing and crying and whining and screaming all.day.long. I am curious how you all take care of yourselves spiritually/mentally/emotionally in order not to just lose it. I find the main qualities being cultivated by being the mom of a HN baby are patience and containing frustration and anger. But I have to admit that on those hard days I feel like I have failed, like I reach my limits so fast. So what do you all do to extend your rope, so to speak, so that you don't reach the end of it so soon?

I have a little Max, too! And I am in the same boat. I also had a pretty rough time with ppd up until a few days ago when I got my period (I was NOT happy about that, haha) for the first time since I found out I was pregnant) and all of a sudden in vanished. Don't get me wrong, I still get super stressed out, but in a different way. I don't feel like I need to sit and stare off into space for hours on end so thats good. Honestly, i have no idea what to do about Max's fussiness. Dp and I both work and we work opposite shifts so we don't see a whole lot of each other these days but we try to be respectful of each other's schedules so lately he has been on Calm the Baby patrol when he's home so I can sleep and vise versa. Which is impossible- there's almost no chance of calm ever happening but I feel good knowing that at least we're responsive to him even if that just means holding him while he freaks out. I feel like I'm on the brink of losing it ALL THE TIME so I don't really have any advice, but I do understand completely! I also think its just his personality, he's wants to be close, be comforted, feel secure. I'm always mentally beating myself up over it because I am a very high strung person also, by nature, which drives me crazy honestly, and I wonder sometimes if his constant moods are a result of mine during pregnancy or in general. I doubt it though. I literally cannot put Max down for even a second without a tearfest. Its constant. All of the time. ALWAYS. I'm hesitant to take him anywhere most of the time or have people over because I'm afraid he will start freaking out and I won't be able to calm him down and people will think I'm a bad mother.

Anyway, I did read a bit about how when some babies are born their brains are compressed, especially if they have quick births (Labor was 36 hours but he wasn't really even engaged until the last 3 hours and then, poof, he was out, his head was severely mishapen and bruised from such a quick delivery at the end. And apparently that can have long term effects on them which may impact their moods....is that the kind of the thing you are going to that appt for? I'm really curious about it and I'm will to try almost anything now...I'd love to hear how it goes and know more about it!

[LeaPea]

The hard days are so hard! I just focus on getting through 'til her next nap. I have lost it a few times and it sucks!! I remember screaming at the top of my lungs in the next room to relieve some stress. It made me feel better, but also crazy! I have definitely cried while holding my crying daughter. It can be so draining emotionally and physically. I remember crying once and thinking maybe I wasn't cut out for motherhood. I felt so defeated. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will get better in time. I think it helps to remember its not anything any of us are doing wrong, we just have kids with more challenging personalities. Luna is my first, but I have a brother that is 14 years younger than me and he was high needs. We couldn't put him down for a second or he would scream! He couldn't sleep without being on someone. We used to call him "Backpack" because he would wrap his legs around your waist and arms around your neck to sleep. He grew out of it though and is such a caring and loving teenager now.

I think high needs babies just know what they need. I wasn't a high needs baby at all. My dad said he could take me anywhere and they would forget I was there! It was great for them, but I was easily forgotten and my needs weren't met. I never demanded the attention!

I can totally relate to this too:

When my daughter was 3 wks old, it was the first time I "understood" how someone could hurt their baby. She was crying and crying. I asked dh for a break (middle of the night) and he said he couldn't. He found us both crying later. It was a scary moment for me. I've understood the desire to just throw them to make them stop. Understanding that, even in it's warped and scary and horrible way, has made me more attentive to my emotions. I have to go inside myself and think about what is happening, what I'm feeling and how I could handle it.

To make sure my needs are met now, I make sure to talk to my husband about giving me some time off, even if its just for a few minutes. I definitely had to talk to him about helping out more with our daughter because it is so draining. I went and had a beer with a friend the other day and left my daughter with my husband. It was great to get out! Plus, it was great for my husband to see what I go through everyday. I also try to take my daughter outside everyday if I get the chance so neither of us feels so confined. I also try to be forgiving to myself. I am going to make a lot of mistakes, and probably have a lot of regrets.

Hopefully this makes some sense!

[sosurreal09]

oh hey DD is WICKED SPIRITED already and she will be 1 on the 30th!!!

[sosurreal09]

I totally agree with what you are discussing right now i even went on zoloft a while b/c i was afraid of hurting DD...
even now she has fits and its hard...

[momto4plus4]

It's so nice to talk to other moms who get it. I have a friend who calls me a homebody. I am to a point but most of it is because going out in public with a screaming baby isn't fun, for anyone. I swear the people at the check-out in Target yesterday were thinking "Why doesn't she pick the baby up?" not realizing that I had been wearing him for an hour and had put him in the carseat so I could pay and get bags in the cart. It's emotionally draining to be out of the house and yet confining to never get out. There's a hard balance there.

We can do it!

[mrs.t]

Oh wow...I had felt like such a bad mother before reading these posts.
I had this really bad day with DS once, where he had a string of great days and then, bam, a really bad one. I couldn't deal with the screaming anymore, so I just put him in the swing and let him scream while I got ready to take him out, because that is the only thing that calms him consistently. I remember yelling at him, because it was about 98 degrees that day and I did NOT want to leave the house. It made me feel so bad when we finally did get out and he calmed down. I have totally broken down on numerous occasions and just had to put him down and cry by myself. I totally got to the point where I could understand getting rough with the baby.

The only advice I have is to pass the baby off to someone...DH, in laws, whomever will sit with the baby for even an hour. I didn't even leave the house when DH would take the baby, I would just nap. It made a huge difference. Something I read once stuck with me, that even if you have a sitter and your DC cries the entire time, it's an hour or two out of the sitter's life, and then she can go home and forget about it. It's much better to let someone else deal with it for a little while than to feel like you're going to hurt your baby.

Also, whenever someone would tell me to get away from the baby I would feel like such a failure, like people were looking at me as though I was weak and unable to handle my child. It feels better coming from some parents who understand a HN baby.

A lot of my anxiety about getting a sitter was how they would react to my DS's behavior, meaning that if he screamed the whole time it would be a reflection on me. It isn't! The funny (and frustrating!) thing was, whenever my MIL would babysit he would be a complete angel. She would never tire of holding him, bouncing him, etc. because she hadn't been doing it every day for a month like me! I think it also helped DS to be in the arms of someone who wasn't completely frustrated with him. it seems like he is very sensitive and perceptive of my mood. If I'm tired or cranky or upset, so is he. Anyone else experience this? So just the act of being held by someone else would sometimes soothe him.

I'm glad to be in touch with all of you mamas!

[P.J.]

It's such a relief to share these things somewhere where it's understood and I don't feel so insane about it!!
I was also surprised to find myself understanding why people hit or otherwise abuse their babies. Of course I don't approve of it, but honestly it scares me to think what someone with even less patience and self-control than me could do to a baby after an entire day of fussing and crying.

And I too feel terrible when he fusses or cries when we're out, as if it's a reflection of my parenting, even though I know it's not.

Originally Posted by Liz.Furtado

I'm always mentally beating myself up over it because I am a very high strung person also, by nature, which drives me crazy honestly, and I wonder sometimes if his constant moods are a result of mine during pregnancy or in general. I doubt it though.

First of all, funny that we both have a Max We had another name we liked, which was more of a soft, gentle boy's name. We were pretty sure this guy was a Max though, as Max is more of a wild boy's name ~ and he was already active in the womb. But we wanted to wait and name him after we saw him...and sure enough he's a Max!

But yes, I feel the same way because I'm also really high-strung and active and always going from one thing to the next. Max is so much like me, and I feel guilty sometimes even complaining because I feel kind of responsible for making him this way. Not sure if these things are genetic, but it appears so. I was also a colicky baby. Sometimes I have to remind myself that he is himself and his own person, because I can so fully relate to him I feel like he's sort of a little me!!!

Originally Posted by Liz.Furtado

Anyway, I did read a bit about how when some babies are born their brains are compressed, especially if they have quick births (Labor was 36 hours but he wasn't really even engaged until the last 3 hours and then, poof, he was out, his head was severely mishapen and bruised from such a quick delivery at the end. And apparently that can have long term effects on them which may impact their moods....is that the kind of the thing you are going to that appt for? I'm really curious about it and I'm will to try almost anything now...I'd love to hear how it goes and know more about it!

It sounds like your Max could maybe use some help from an osteopath or craniosacral therapist. It has a lot to do with the head and spine and clearing blockages or tension. The session yesterday was interesting. He did start fussing during it (no surprise) and it was good for the therapist to observe how he is and how he goes into that. She found no blockages but tension in his neck and belly. She showed me how to do something which is my "homework", and it's simple: I have to, a few times a day (like during diaper changes and getting dressed), pat down his body and tell him what body part it is. So, pat up and down his leg and say "This is your left leg" and "this is your left foot" as I'm patting it, and go around his body like that. The point is for him to notice his own body. Because when he goes into fussing and crying, he gets "lost" in it. She said if I regularly practice this body-realization pat down, then when he starts fussing I should try it again, and eventually it may help him "come back" rather than get lost in the fussing. I know this from my own experiences, that I can "get lost" in emotions or thoughts, and almost forget I am present and in my body. I have also read that infant massage can really help fussy babies. Honestly, I don't know if this will help, but it sure does make sense. She said it could help prevent fussing from becoming full-blown screaming though. We shall see... She also recommended something I already try to do, which is talk to him a lot and tell him what's going on and what I'm doing with him. So rather than just pick him up, tell him I'm going to pick him up and where I'm going to take him next. That can also help include him and keep him present.

Anyway, after screaming about 3 minutes in the car on the way home, he fell right asleep for the rest of the ride...which rarely happens. He usually screams the entire way. So hey, maybe that's already some improvement right there

So, we're going to have another session, probably in a month or so. I'll let you ladies know how it goes. I don't expect a major revolution, but we are pretty desperate and I know it can't hurt.

[gravida]

I've been meaning to poke my nose in and say hi but I haven't had time. DS is a very needy but lovely little man. He has all 12 of the signs but the most draining is his need to be with/on me all.the.time. I love being needed but man I would love to have a solo trip to the bathroom. DD is wonderful but high energy so between the two of them I'm soooo tired by the end of the day. DH helps when he can with DD but he travels for work 10-15 days a month so I'm alone a lot.
Anyways I don't have a lot of time between my two kidlets and I am finishing up a course and at the moment I have mono (just oh so much fun at the moment!) but I'll try.

[OneWithTwo]

needing this thread!

My son Jennings was born preemie and entered this world very traumatically actually.
I started seeing the signs while in the NICU. The OT/PT wanted him swaddled, chin in, balled up....he wanted to stretch. His muscles were wound up tight. He wanted his head back and his arms free and when I granted his wish, he was happy and those meanies would come put him back and he would SCREAM. When Jennings screams, I think everyone knows he is upset. He is very demanding.
He is 7 months now. I can not put him down. He screams. His legs are always moving. He is always nursing, I keep thinking he isn't getting enough He wakes up about every 2 hours and EVERYTHING wakes him up. I feel he is never happy. I never thought he was colic, because as long as he was in my arms, he was fine. It limits my life dramatically. I can't cook or clean! Luckily his sister can keep him occupied for a few minutes. She'll pick him up and carry him around a bit too...but in the end she just ends up yelling at him because he screams so loud.
Thanks to cranio sacral therapy, he JUST started breastfeeding 100% and his muscles aren't wound up so tight. I have been pumping since birth. He was even picky about the bottles he would use. Had to be the tiny Medela breastmilk storage bottles with the itsy bitsy preemie nipples, until we switched to the DR. Brown's wide neck bottle and now it has to be that bottle.
By the end of the day I am exhausted. My friend said I am starting to look sick because I look so tired. "Draining" is a word I would use but man I would add a x1000 on it.
He has had a rough life. He has some illnesses that I am sure make things hard, but this kid goes above and beyond.

[sosurreal09]

DD is 1 y/o on the 30th still waking anywhere from 1-5x a night...shes a boob addict lol they do seem to like to constantly nurse...

DD started having full blown temper tantrums at 9 m/o - no lie full blown throw herself on the ground kicking and flailing tantrums.

she loves to be held/worn alot but also demands her space at times. shes super clingy and sensitive while at the same time wants what she wants how she wants it. even now it took me 30 mins of screaming to get her to nap in the bed with me nursing! people dont understand at all i always get oh you better get her out of you're bed now and im like hello she can hardly sleep/stay asleep with ME in OUR bed and you think shes going to be like oh ok lets go to the crib?! ha when i had her in the crib before it was 10x worse. besides i love cuddling lol

it DOES get better though ladies trust me. Now she will play "independently" (as long as im in the room) for literally hours at a time and its wonderful! she doesnt need me every second but shes confident enough to know shes ok and will come over for a kiss or hug periodically.

my BFF has a DD 3 months older and she was the easiest infant and now shes a terror but Aniela is so good now. we still have sleep issues but its a lot better than what i see my friend dealing with.

we were looking at apartments recently and we were looking at a 1 br and the landlord was like well where is the baby going to sleep and i said oh with us and she said she was very surprised at how independent Aniela was and friendly considering shes always with me....i said oh yes attachment parenting gives them confidence thank God i never let her cry it out b/c then she would be a wreck. (just thought id share that)

its very trying to have a spirited baby/child but we need to focus on the positive evry single day. i read the Raising You're Spirited Child book recently and it was really opened my eyes. sometimes i feel like i will go insane dealing with her for another minute- trust me, but it dis help my overall outlook and everything.

[braidmama]

Originally Posted by P.J.

First of all, funny that we both have a Max We had another name we liked, which was more of a soft, gentle boy's name. We were pretty sure this guy was a Max though, as Max is more of a wild boy's name ~ and he was already active in the womb. But we wanted to wait and name him after we saw him...and sure enough he's a Max!

But yes, I feel the same way because I'm also really high-strung and active and always going from one thing to the next. Max is so much like me, and I feel guilty sometimes even complaining because I feel kind of responsible for making him this way. Not sure if these things are genetic, but it appears so. I was also a colicky baby. Sometimes I have to remind myself that he is himself and his own person, because I can so fully relate to him I feel like he's sort of a little me!!!.

Haha! I've met a few mama's with Max's and they have very spirited babies as well. Must be part of the name! We also had 2 different names in mind and decided together we would choose when we saw him. The nurse asked us what his name was after he was out and I just blurted it out without even having discussed it with dp. I didn't realize it at the time but asked him about it later because I felt bad, but I mean, he is totally a Max as well, no denying! He said he hadn't even thought of the other name at the time and tbh I actually don't even remember it which is really bizarre. Dp is always telling me Max must've got his personaility from me bc unlike me, dp is very laid back and calm and go-with-the-flow, which I think is a big part of what attracted me in the first place given that I am SO not that way, haha. My mom had 4 kids, I was #3 and she said I was the easiest delivery and baby out of all. She also has never delt with bf-ing issues like I did with Max nor were any of her babes colicky. She also, I'm gathering from my recent conversations with her, wasn't really the attachment parenting type, which I always kind of assumed she was but now looking back on it she wasn't at all. She's always telling me to leave him and let him cry, that its perfectly fine, etc. I'm not knocking anyone who does the CIO method, I think you everyone needs to do what works for them, but for me personally I can't leave him to his own devices. I personally can be very needy and when I'm upset I need to be comforted, not necessarily talked to but just to know someone else is close by eases my stress. I don't know if Max is that way yet but he definitely likes to be close!

Originally Posted by P.J.

It sounds like your Max could maybe use some help from an osteopath or craniosacral therapist. It has a lot to do with the head and spine and clearing blockages or tension. The session yesterday was interesting. He did start fussing during it (no surprise) and it was good for the therapist to observe how he is and how he goes into that. She found no blockages but tension in his neck and belly. She showed me how to do something which is my "homework", and it's simple: I have to, a few times a day (like during diaper changes and getting dressed), pat down his body and tell him what body part it is. So, pat up and down his leg and say "This is your left leg" and "this is your left foot" as I'm patting it, and go around his body like that. The point is for him to notice his own body. Because when he goes into fussing and crying, he gets "lost" in it. She said if I regularly practice this body-realization pat down, then when he starts fussing I should try it again, and eventually it may help him "come back" rather than get lost in the fussing. I know this from my own experiences, that I can "get lost" in emotions or thoughts, and almost forget I am present and in my body. I have also read that infant massage can really help fussy babies. Honestly, I don't know if this will help, but it sure does make sense. She said it could help prevent fussing from becoming full-blown screaming though. We shall see... She also recommended something I already try to do, which is talk to him a lot and tell him what's going on and what I'm doing with him. So rather than just pick him up, tell him I'm going to pick him up and where I'm going to take him next. That can also help include him and keep him present.

Thank you for the information! I will definitely look into it! I practiced infant massage on him a lot as a newborn bc I thought it would help with his colick but it didn't really...perhaps now it would be with his other moods. I do feel sometimes still here and there that we aren't really connecting or I get lost in my stress of the day and don't really know what to do with him and we end up sitting there in silence. Going through ppd I also sometimes would literally not even have the energy to talk or sing to him. i would start to but then kind of trail off and just be silent the rest of the day. I know this sounds dramatic and weird but honestly it was really hard. Things have recently took a turn for the better, luckily, I felt like it would never happen! I think that's a really good idea for when he starts getting fussy so I will def try it!

Originally Posted by P.J.

Anyway, after screaming about 3 minutes in the car on the way home, he fell right asleep for the rest of the ride...which rarely happens. He usually screams the entire way. So hey, maybe that's already some improvement right there

CRAZY! I think we might have the same little man! I hear useless but well-meaning advice formmany people in my life on how to handle Max's fussiness and one suggestion I've heard repeatedly has been to drive around with him, that it puts all babies to sleep. Very rarely he will actually sleep in the car but for the most part I'm kneeling in the passengers seat, upper body tisted around to the backseat of the car, arm stretched over his carseat trying to give him his pacifier back or stroke his cheeks to calm him down, which usually doesn't work and he screams all the way home. Oh dear, its been tough lately. And we had started on solids a bit, much to the opposite of most I read on these message boards, we started with cereal. I have to say I do not regret making my own decisions but needless to say I'm not giving it to himanymore because it made him extremely constipated, I'm assuming for all of that extra iron he doesn't even need, and he screams like he's being attacked every single time his has to poop. Hard as rocks. I feel so guilty and bad about that. We are waiting awhile to give his body a rest and time to recover from the stress of that and then are going to give him a wee bit of fruit. Its been a rough week.

[braidmama]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09

DD is 1 y/o on the 30th still waking anywhere from 1-5x a night...shes a boob addict lol they do seem to like to constantly nurse...


she loves to be held/worn alot but also demands her space at times. shes super clingy and sensitive while at the same time wants what she wants how she wants it. even now it took me 30 mins of screaming to get her to nap in the bed with me nursing! people dont understand at all i always get oh you better get her out of you're bed now and im like hello she can hardly sleep/stay asleep with ME in OUR bed and you think shes going to be like oh ok lets go to the crib?! ha when i had her in the crib before it was 10x worse. besides i love cuddling lol


its very trying to have a spirited baby/child but we need to focus on the positive evry single day. i read the Raising You're Spirited Child book recently and it was really opened my eyes. sometimes i feel like i will go insane dealing with her for another minute- trust me, but it dis help my overall outlook and everything.

Max is addicted to the boob as well, haha. I have to say when I stop nursing him on a schedule (he was in the NICU for a few days following his birth and they kind of enforced it on me- not really sure why i went along with it givenmy arguementative nature but for some reason I did- BIG mistake there!) things got really a lot better. I had really low supply for awhile so he was always hungry but I rarely had enough milk. I work til about noon most days so he eats a pumped bottle while I'm gone and as soon as I walk in the door he wants to nurse even if he just ate like half an hour before. I honestly feel that with attachment parenting he truly knows his parernts, knows we are going to be there and needs that instant nursing time to feel bonded after being away for 6 or 7 hours. We nurse constantly throughout the rest of the day and night.

Sometimes I can only get him to sleep by wearing him int he sling and usually lately he definitely needs to nurse to sleep, usually I just lay down next to him in our bed and nurse til we finally passes out which sometimes does take forever but it relaxes both of us so I think its a win win. Sometimes I actually fall asleep while nursing him there as well which is great, could always use a nap, of course! I have a hard time napping "on purpose" bc there is always something to be done around the house, but if I fall asleep "by accident" then thats wonderful, I think. A lot of friends and family have definitely expressed their disapproval for bedsharing with me but I ignore it. I never really thought about it before finding Mothering but as soon as I started readig the articles about it (and a lot of other issues as well) I thought, I am feeling exactly like these women, these people get it! And I feel that i have a huge support system of all of these mamas I've never even met who understand and encourage me to do what feels right. I agree that if I let him cry it out we'd both be suffering, there's no need to make things worse! I know he'll gain his independence inhis own way s on his terms when he's ready to do so. I never understoof societies reasons for pushing that upon an infant. An infant IS dependent. Its crazy to expect them to be able to self soothe. I can hardly self soothe and I'm an adult! My mother certainly didn't coddle me as a child and definitely left me to cry it out, according to her, so the proof is there! I couldn't be needier!

I am going to track down a copy of that book! Sounds like it might help! While I do get very frustrated sometimes I also try to realize that I'm lucky to have a baby who wants all of me and needs me. A friend of mine who had her baby a week before I did has a very calm baby who isn't hardly ever fussy and doesn't really like to cuddle or be close...I feel lucky that i get to cuddle up with Max. Not looking forward to the day he doesn't want to anymore!

[sosurreal09]

yeah my friends baby does not cuddle either lol shes jealous. that book is not like a parenting book, its more of a this is how your child is this is how ou accept it and this is how you nourish it while meeting his needs and understanding him completely. It helped me sooo much. i should actually re-read it lol

SO last night DD went to bed at 7:30 and woke at 8 screaming bloody murder...tried to calm her down, nurse her, everything so i just got her up.
at 9 she was clearly xhausted, i gave her some gaviscon (in case it was heartburn) and nursed her to sleep and STAYED with her b/c i was tired too...5 mins after being sleep she was screaming again...screamed for 3 HOURS straight and i tried everything to calm her. so i called the pedi and they said take her to th hospital...we get there and she starts laughing and waving at everyone!!!!! omg i could have killed her lol! on one hand i was so relieved she was ok, on the other it was 1am i was exhausted and these people though i was a moron...oh my baby is in pain or something shes been screaming for hours!! they were like well she looks marvelous!
and shes still sleeping TG but could I? of course not been up since 8am after going to bed at 3am!

[GreenTeaGinger61]

Hey all busy week

R is still spirited No changes there! Monday and Thursday were super rough. Lots of carseat time accompanied by plenty of screaming. By the time we stop, she's sweating and shaking It kills me every time. At least she napped a bit better than usual.

As for keeping sane: I found it not so hard with my first but I have to admit to losing my sh$% a few times now that I've still got that one and now the baby. There are days when I honestly feel like banging my head against the wall might be an answer.

But I am working a lot on reframing for both my baby and my middle child (again Raising Your Spirited Child is a huge help for this). Seeing that she's acting this way not to be a PITA but because of her personality is helpful as well as realizing how these traits will help her as she gets older.

I also try to be good about telling dh that I need time. This one has been really hard as Rowena will not take a bottle and does not take well to being without me (makes working my parttime job very hard). But something is going to have to give soon because I need just an hour to myself. No people, no kids, etc. This has always been very important to my sanity.

I think there is NOTHING wrong with putting a screaming baby down for a few and taking a break. I've done it with the other babies and I've done it with this one.

Also I have learned to that you can not make everyone happy all the time. Sometimes babies are unhappy. Sometimes people are unhappy. It is not our job to ensure a constant state of happiness in others. Once I relieved myself of that burden, I felt a lot lighter.

[P.J.]

Originally Posted by GreenTeaGinger61

Also I have learned to that you can not make everyone happy all the time. Sometimes babies are unhappy. Sometimes people are unhappy. It is not our job to ensure a constant state of happiness in others. Once I relieved myself of that burden, I felt a lot lighter.

This idea has helped me tremendously. If we had the goal to keep a baby from being dissatisfied and crying, as mamas of HN babies we would have to say we failed, right? Because a HN baby is going to fuss and cry and be dissatisfied no matter what sometimes. Actually every baby has their unhappy moments. I think sometimes in the AP mindset we get confused that it means our babies should always be happy and content. Meeting their needs does not mean they're always going to be happy. And in fact, part of loving and meeting the needs of a spirited baby means loving them even when they cry and make a fuss, and understanding that sometimes that's just the way it's going to be, and it's alright.

[mrs.t]

Hey mamas!!! I just wanted to say that I truly love this thread.

A few days ago DS learned to sit on his own! He doesn't even use his hands to balance, he just sits. Now of course I have to sit right behind him to make sure he doesn't topple over. So it's great that he reached this milestone...except now that's all he wants to do. I can't even dream of leaving him on his belly or back unless I want to hear this horrible whining thing that he does.

Speaking of which, do any of your DC "fake" things to get attention? I noticed that DS fake coughs because he figured out that I will run to him when he does that. Now he added fake crying to his repertoire. When he's in the car seat, he no longer cries, he fakes it. Dare I say this is even more annoying than real crying? I so don't want to hear Wah Wah Waaaaaah while driving.

Any of you mamas with older HN kids find that when they became mobile it helped? I feel like if he could just crawl he would be so much happier. I sure hope I'm right about that. We're back to him being extremely fussy unless I'm giving him undivided attention or if we're outside taking a walk.

This too shall pass, right?

[momto4plus4]

Posted this on the April babes thread but should have posted it here:
Okay, seriously. JR's temper is really trying me. As soon as he sees the bedroom he starts screaming because he doesn't want to sleep. When I put him in the swing he arches and rolls and pushes and kicks and screams so I can barely buckle him. If I put him in the crib he screams til he sweats and flails like a fish out of water. He wants to stay attached to my boob but it's not like he'll sleep attached anywhere other than in bed and if I unlatch him he screams. I can't go to bed at 7pm. He's screaming in his crib right now because he threw such a tantrum when I tried putting him in the swing (he has reflux, colic, the swing has been the best solution and he happily went in it until about 3 weeks ago). Agh.

I actually yelled at him twice before putting him in the crib. I left him (with the monitor on) for 50 min. He screamed the first like 30 but by the time I went in there he was just calmly laying but ended up awake until I put him down 5 min ago (10:05). He's driving me nuts!

HE fake cries. Well, I guess I wouldn't call it fake cry. He has a "real" cry and an angry cry. The angry cry is the one with no tears, beat-red, flat-out mad. That's what he does when I try putting him to bed.

I started solids last night. Tonight he screamed at me when I was done feeding him because he wanted more but I know his little tummy can't handle more. He screamed until I got him out of the bumbo to bf. Ughh.

He was up til 1:30am last night, then up at 4:30 to nurse in bed til my alarm went off at 5:30. I was just exhausted by tonight.

Sorry. Needed the