advice for potential home-preschooling Mom

[NewMoonMum]

Hi all, I posted about this a few days ago in "Parenting" and only got a couple of replies.
I'd love any tips and advice you all could share, I am in new territory.

DS is 2.5 now, and will meet the cutoff where we live(though we could be moving in a year) to attend preschool next fall. Really thinking about it I realized I don't know if I want him to go to preschool. My reasoning:
-at least where we live, cost of preschool is pretty prohibitive. I am a SAHM so only 1 income, and we're trying so hard to save for a house.
-SO many preschools these day focus on "academic achievement" at the expense of things young toddlers really should be doing and learning.
-Not sure if I could find a school where I will be comfortable "leaving" DS at, in terms of-do they really interact with the children and watch carefully to make sure the kids are comfortable, not being bullied, etc?
DS is a really sensitive guy. Last weekend the in laws visited and took him to the house of a family friend, where this woman's grandchildren were visiting. One younger than DS and one older, and they were apparently both horribly aggressive to DS (even the 21 month-old kept on pushing my son) and really upsetting him. The past couple of outings we've had, he is flinching away from other children-even one he's known for a good 6 months. I can't imagine a preschool teacher being more protective than his grandparents would be, so of course I'm nervous he'll learn to be afraid of other children I'd rather be there to supervise socialization-am I just worrying and fretting too much?
-Can you offer any specific advice about socializing your kids well enough when they are home-schooled? We do playdates and the park and stuff, but that's different from the social setting of a preschool, you know?

Any help and input is so appreciated, thank you for reading this!!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by NewMoonMum

-Can you offer any specific advice about socializing your kids well enough when they are home-schooled? We do playdates and the park and stuff, but that's different from the social setting of a preschool, you know?

I'm not clear on what you mean by socializing them. There's a certain social setting in a preschool, but the only reason your child would need to deal with it would be to fit into that particular setting, which is pretty unique - being surrounded by preschoolers will not be of any particular value to him in the long run. It can be great fun to take part in imaginative group free play on a playground, if he knows enough of them to feel comfortable - but that's the only part of preschool that my son thrived on, and yet it was also frustrating to him to have to deal with children so young that their social skills could be so primitive as to be pretty annoying and hurtful. And it's surprising how little close supervision can happen out there on the playground, even in the best schools. It seems to me, in your situation, that you'd be happier with just trying to arrange as many fun playdates as possible - he wouldn't be missing anything, especially if the preschools are focusing on academic achievement! Lillian

[MrsJewelsRae]

I'd follow your gut. None of my children have gone to preschool, they are homeschooled and have lots of friends, socialize very well with others. I'm not a big fan of preschool personally, for me, I don't like to separated from my children of at such a young age, especially to people I consider to be strangers. I've also seen it be more difficult for kids that have done preschool to transition to hs, because they've been exposed to the social environment school already, all their pre school friends excitedly went off to kindergarten and they didn't. My kids have never expressed an interest in ps, I think not going to preschool is part of that. I think they get a wonderful socialization just visiting parks and playgroups with mommy.

[jenfl]

It's a perfectly valid choice not to send your child to preschool. The obsession with going to preschool -- and especially preschool academics -- is pretty recent. There's so much to learn by just playing at this point. If you want some gentle learning, that's easy to get in with something chill like Before Five in a Row or a few minutes of starfall.com.

As for socialization, that's pretty easy. A weekly class (Kindermusik, gymnastics, etc) gets exposure to groups of kids and a leader other than mom/dad. But for me at this age, one-on-one is much more important. We have another mom and kid come over to do fun and messy art, then adjourn to the playroom.

[onyxravnos]

K was created to prep kids for school....then preschool was created to prep kids for kindergarten?

Phish preschool is silly. Even the good ones. and really most 'socialization' is just making sure they don't hurt each other at this age.
parks, playdays, and a group class if your DS is interested is more then enough for any 2-5 year old.

[Storm Bride]

umm...my oldest never went to preschool. He is publicschooled. He's also very socially adept, and always was. DS2 went to preschool, and he did okay socially at preschool. He still has a lot of trouble with social interaction with his peers, when he's not in a classroom. Class-time socializing and outside school socializing are very different things.

I had no idea preschool was so widespread. It kind of blows my mind. To be honest, the only reason ds2 went was to get him out of my hair, so I could work with dd1, because he's a handful.

[NewMoonMum]

those are really helpful comments, thank you so much.

Any yes onyx, I never even thought about that-it's really making sure they don't hurt one another. I mean, isn't preschool still parallel-playing age??

Now I feel more confident in being able to handle the "social" aspect, which I think is DH's concern. But it won't be easy I think, to really convince him...his mom is a preschool teacher and he is a PhD-therefore education is paramount....nevermind that "preschool" is not even education...hmmmm

Any more ideas on how to gently persuade DH that our son won't be missing out? Any links to helpful articles or peer-reviewed studies on benefits of home-preschool?
Thank you again for the help!!

ETA: me and DS really do so much of what I *think* is preschool type activities. We do crafts every single day for about 1.5 hrs. At least a couple times a week we'll do a simple kitchen chemistry experiment. We cook together, making healthy snacks he gets excited to eat. We draw, read, play with toys, chase and wrestle. When it's warm we swim, other days we go to the park. We walk to the library to meet DH after work(though it's a 3 mile walk and being 33 weeks pg I decided I really can't anymore.) He already had over 200 words at 2 yrs old, knows his alphabet, counts up to 30, has known colors and shapes for a good year.
OK now I am working on justifying this all to my MIL, I think, sorry...

[zjande]

Personally, I wouldn't consider sending my children to preschool, unless absolutely necessary (like, I had to work & needed the childcare). The notion of my kids away with strangers guiding them all day long makes me feel near tears. Two & 1/2 is so young. Way too young to be away from mama & home & all that's familiar, in my humble opinion. There's nothing at preschool that he needs that doesn't get more/better at home.

None of my own have gone to preschool & we've had no trouble finding social activities. Young kids don't need to spent many hours a day in a sea of kids their own age. Playing with all ages of kids at a park for a bit before nap time at home is fabulous, fun, & educational for a munchkin. We are also involved with local homeschool groups that have so many things planned, we have to narrow down which ones we can fit into our schedule!

Really, I think you should go with your gut feeling. You know where the right place for your baby is.

[onyxravnos]

yep from your list you are in fact doing preschool already. littleacornlearning.com has a nice monthly preschool curriculum if you want a bit 'more' or to get some ideas. i believe they still have two sample weeks on their page.

[LuxPerpetua]

Please read the book Hold On To Your Kids. It talks about why parenting is so much more important than peer relationships, and should be. My hubby has a Ph.D. too and is one of the greatest advocates I know of for homeschooling (if that makes any difference to you). I know LillianJ has some good info on her website http://www.besthomeschooling.org/gateway/inted16.html . There is also a lot of info out there in regard to delaying academics, especially math. I *think* it was LillianJ who posted an article not long ago in regard to how delayed mathmatics (and more time for play) resulted in more creativity in mathmatics in pre-teens (this was a scientific study). Maybe she can repost the link. Also, there was also an article about Sweden in which academics are always delayed and how they have the leading literacy rates in Europe. I wish I had a copy, but perhaps someone else can post the link. There is also a book called Better Late Than Early in regard to delayed academics and the importance for play, as well as Einstein Never Used Flashcards. As for not going to preschool, my dd is 4.5 and has never been in anyone's care other than mine and dh's (and occasionally for an hour or two with my parents). She socializes with people of all ages in a much more healthy way than her friends that have grown up in daycare/preschool. She has a huge repertoire of factual/academic knowledge and practical knowledge (she could tell the difference between about 10 different herbs at age 2, for example). We are Waldorf-inspired, which has given us deep roots in the yearly rhythm of seasons and in the celebration of our own faith (we're evangelical Christians). There is not a day that goes by that I do not sing the lauds of homeschooling. I love every minute, I really do. Absolutely no regrets. I don't have to worry about bullying or sassiness or emotional stress. We bake together, sing together, play together, explore nature together. It is the BEST parenting decision we have EVER made, hands down.

If you're looking for ideas as to interesting things to do with a preschooler, I second Little Acorn Learning. Seasons of Joy is also quite good. I've also benefitted from John Holt's Teach Your Own and Waldorf-inspired books and blogs such as Heaven on Earth (book) and The Parenting Passageway (blog).

Best wishes with whatever decision you make!

[NewMoonMum]

sweet, thank you so much Lux!!!!

[To-Fu]

LuxP, is this what you were talking about?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...on/7234578.stm