Any advice for dealing with an 8.5yo who is making some bad choices? I'm having a hard time seeing good solutions, likely because I'm in the thick of it...
A couple of examples:
- Telling DH that I said they could watch a particular DVD, then telling me that DH said they could watch it (he didn't ask either of us).
- In a childcare situation at church, deciding to walk out with friends to play in the halls with no adult supervision. The friends were NOT in childcare but came to say hi (they'd all been in a rehearsal together, then my boys were moved to childcare while I finished up a class), so while they weren't necessarily where THEY weren't supposed to be, DS knows full well that he doesn't leave a class without an adult.
- Other not-so-blatant possible issues with honesty, such as his brother seeing him drinking the brother's smoothie and DS then disavowing it. (The cups were different colors so DS was obviously doing *something* with it, but he was less than forthcoming about what it was and it really upset DS2.)
- Bad attitudes, sometimes taking them out on his little brothers (being rude, taking toys away from them) and sometimes just being more or less obnoxious to DH and me.
- Stretching the truth, such as being told to play his piano lessons, then playing two times and getting up instead of playing the 5-10 times he's been told to play. He then assures us he's played, but when pressed will go finish.
I do know that at some points DS is just tired. He's 8.5 but can and will nap daily if given the opportunity. For instance, he threw a huge fit one day about his piano practice and stormed off to his room. I didn't hear from him for a while and he was asleep by the time I checked on him. He slept for 2-3 hours and completely missed his lesson that afternoon, but was in a MUCH better frame of mind when he woke up. He even did his practice without complaining!
When I am certain that he's tired, I'll send him to bed and that will usually solve it. He will even report when he wakes up that he feels better and that the nap was a really good thing. Just a totally different kid! But things like lying and going against obvious and clear, lifelong rules seems not so much a thing of fatigue.
Any hints or tips on good consequences for these? If there's anything I want for my kids, it's for them to gain wisdom... And as much of a perfectionist as I am, I probably feel like he should have more already!
But I need ways to guide him into that wisdom in these instances, and in the moment, I rarely feel like I have a good grasp on how to do that.
A couple of examples:
- Telling DH that I said they could watch a particular DVD, then telling me that DH said they could watch it (he didn't ask either of us).
- In a childcare situation at church, deciding to walk out with friends to play in the halls with no adult supervision. The friends were NOT in childcare but came to say hi (they'd all been in a rehearsal together, then my boys were moved to childcare while I finished up a class), so while they weren't necessarily where THEY weren't supposed to be, DS knows full well that he doesn't leave a class without an adult.
- Other not-so-blatant possible issues with honesty, such as his brother seeing him drinking the brother's smoothie and DS then disavowing it. (The cups were different colors so DS was obviously doing *something* with it, but he was less than forthcoming about what it was and it really upset DS2.)
- Bad attitudes, sometimes taking them out on his little brothers (being rude, taking toys away from them) and sometimes just being more or less obnoxious to DH and me.
- Stretching the truth, such as being told to play his piano lessons, then playing two times and getting up instead of playing the 5-10 times he's been told to play. He then assures us he's played, but when pressed will go finish.
I do know that at some points DS is just tired. He's 8.5 but can and will nap daily if given the opportunity. For instance, he threw a huge fit one day about his piano practice and stormed off to his room. I didn't hear from him for a while and he was asleep by the time I checked on him. He slept for 2-3 hours and completely missed his lesson that afternoon, but was in a MUCH better frame of mind when he woke up. He even did his practice without complaining!
When I am certain that he's tired, I'll send him to bed and that will usually solve it. He will even report when he wakes up that he feels better and that the nap was a really good thing. Just a totally different kid! But things like lying and going against obvious and clear, lifelong rules seems not so much a thing of fatigue.
Any hints or tips on good consequences for these? If there's anything I want for my kids, it's for them to gain wisdom... And as much of a perfectionist as I am, I probably feel like he should have more already!
But I need ways to guide him into that wisdom in these instances, and in the moment, I rarely feel like I have a good grasp on how to do that. 
