Do your kids talk to other kids?

[physmom]

Basically that. DD (20 months) has a huge vocab and can speak in sentences but once she gets around other kids she's totally mute and will just do hand gestures. Yesterday at the park this was this cute girl who was a bit older than DD and she was trying to talk to DD. DD would smile and play with the girl but never once spoke. Is this a normal toddler thing? When do they start speaking to other kids?

FWIW, at home she speaks a lot and can speak in sentences already. With other adults and kids there are quite a bit older she'll speak to them too if she knows them and to a lesser extent if she doesn't (but she'll still speak). However, I can't remember once that she said a word to another kid around her age. She seems to be going through a shy phase but her shyness goes away quickly and she's happy to play with other kids after a few minutes. But still no words...

ETA: Her pronunciation is poor, though, and many times we have problems understanding her ourselves (especially when she's speaking in sentences). I'm not sure if that's holding her back instead of speaking to other kids? She's also trilingual but English is by far her strongest language and we're in the US...

[aslmere]

My 2.5 yo rarely speaks to other kids. He never seems to stop at home
He is on the shy side, and does kind of hover around the other kids. He is fascinated, but scared.
But he also does not talk to adults he doesn't know, at first. So I know that the not talking is part of his personality.
He is not willing to put himself all the way out there when he isn't sure of the situation.

However, he does have an older brother and talks to him all the time (whether big brother likes it or not!LOL)
And at home he has a very extensive vocab and speaks in full sentences.
I am not worried about his speaking, just about his social skills.

[LadyCatherine185]

It could have something to do with her being trilingual.. maybe she isn't sure what language to speak to them? and maybe because they are not speaking clearly to her?

My DS is not shy at all, and talks to anyone/everyone.. but he has always been that way, so it could be a personality thing.

[ellemenope]

DD has trouble with this too. I think she is a slow to warm, highly sensitive child. I hate to say shy at this point.

She will act mute in interactions with more than one kid and then turn to me and relay the complete going-ons in long drawn out sentences.

She knows it is appropriate to say 'hi' to someone she meets, yet she wont, then she will turn to me and say, "I didn't say 'hi' to that boy."

I have noticed that she is most confident at home, and more confident at a library setting than at the playground.

With children she is closer to, like family, she will completely open up after only a few minutes. She has carried interesting conversations with her 5 year old cousin and has sweetly held her baby cousin's face in her hands and chided her on how to use a toy properly.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

There is a point at which kids mediate conversation through an adult to one another and then time goes on and they speak directly to one another.

I watched this very closely with my ds and his bff. I used to watch the 2 of them 3-4 days a week, and it wasn't until well after 2 years old that they started mostly speaking to each other and having conversations and not needing me to translate or faciliatate the conversation for them.

I see this at ds preschool too, the younger kids need an adult or older peer to faciliatate conversation between each other and then at some point they are more able to do peer to peer conversations.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

For most kids that I have seen the direct peer to peer conversations start after 2yos but sometimes after 3 or more yos depending on the kid, the exposure and the other kid(s) in the conversation

[blizzard_babe]

ACK! I had a nice long, thought-out reply and the interwebs ate it.

Anyway, long story short, two toddlers, even two linguistically advanced toddlers, often fail to communicate because of their very nature as toddlers. They're both self-centered in their thought process and while they may have the receptive and expressive language to communicate with each other, they often require an adult intermediary because neither party has the ability to "fill in the blanks" like an adult who is able to see things from another person's point of view.

ETA: It can be difficult for us with DS, because he talks like a much older kid, and knows things that older kids are just figuring out... but he's still emotionally/socially very much a two year-old. I forget that sometimes and expect him to ask politely for things, play socially with other kids, and do all the stuff that you'd expect from an older kid. A throw-down kicking-and-screaming tantrum seems so inappropriate when he knows full well how to ask and negotiate for what he wants/needs. Not being able to put himself to sleep seems inappropriate when he's been counting objects with one-to-one correspondence for months. Not "having friends" and being social with other kids seems inappropriate when he has detailed conversations and relationships with adults.

But really, no matter how "ahead-of-the-curve" (and I think at two "the curve" is a pretty weird concept anyway) he is, skill-wise, he's still. only. two. I need to drill that into my brain .

[crunchy_mommy]

My 19mo just recently started saying hi/bye & waving to other kids. He'll smile at them or follow them too. But even though he has hundreds of words & sentences I've never seen him use them with kids his age. I wonder if it's simply because many 1-2 year olds don't speak a lot, so it's hard to talk to them?

[physmom]

Thanks everyone for the responses! I'm glad to hear this is pretty normal. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to encourage her to speak to her friends? She has one little friend in particular who is very chatty with her and DD she stares...

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

It could have something to do with her being trilingual.. maybe she isn't sure what language to speak to them? and maybe because they are not speaking clearly to her?

My DS is not shy at all, and talks to anyone/everyone.. but he has always been that way, so it could be a personality thing.

Yes, definitely part of her personality for sure. She *seems* to be more or less OK with speaking the right language to people. DH's family doesn't speak English and she'll speak with them just fine. She was also in a non-English daycare and would communicate with them also (the workers that is). Granted, she does have some words that you'll hear no matter what language you speak. "Agua" is one of them but fortunately most Americans can figure that one out!

Originally Posted by ellemenope

DD has trouble with this too. I think she is a slow to warm, highly sensitive child. I hate to say shy at this point.

With children she is closer to, like family, she will completely open up after only a few minutes. She has carried interesting conversations with her 5 year old cousin and has sweetly held her baby cousin's face in her hands and chided her on how to use a toy properly.

Yep, DD is a pretty sensitive kid too... but it's funny because she has that friend who's so verbal and they've known each other since she was 3 months old but yet she doesn't speak back? But with older cousins she's fine.

Originally Posted by blizzard_babe

Anyway, long story short, two toddlers, even two linguistically advanced toddlers, often fail to communicate because of their very nature as toddlers. They're both self-centered in their thought process and while they may have the receptive and expressive language to communicate with each other, they often require an adult intermediary because neither party has the ability to "fill in the blanks" like an adult who is able to see things from another person's point of view.

ETA: It can be difficult for us with DS, because he talks like a much older kid, and knows things that older kids are just figuring out... but he's still emotionally/socially very much a two year-old. I forget that sometimes and expect him to ask politely for things, play socially with other kids, and do all the stuff that you'd expect from an older kid. A throw-down kicking-and-screaming tantrum seems so inappropriate when he knows full well how to ask and negotiate for what he wants/needs. Not being able to put himself to sleep seems inappropriate when he's been counting objects with one-to-one correspondence for months. Not "having friends" and being social with other kids seems inappropriate when he has detailed conversations and relationships with adults.

But really, no matter how "ahead-of-the-curve" (and I think at two "the curve" is a pretty weird concept anyway) he is, skill-wise, he's still. only. two. I need to drill that into my brain .

Haha, yep, DD is definitely self-centered at the moment. And I do have this problem too. She's a very tall kid (many people think she's 3) and because she understands so much it's hard to remember her age. DH is constantly going on and on about things she should've already done by now (like putting herself to sleep and not being so mommy-obsessed) but it seems it's normal for her age.

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

My 19mo just recently started saying hi/bye & waving to other kids. He'll smile at them or follow them too. But even though he has hundreds of words & sentences I've never seen him use them with kids his age. I wonder if it's simply because many 1-2 year olds don't speak a lot, so it's hard to talk to them?

I don't know... For whatever reason we seem to know a lot of kids that do speak well and she always finds somewhat older kids at the playground (more like 2-4 year olds) and they seem to be pretty understandable to me... She's pretty used to playing with kids in multi-age settings (we've never done any classes or daycare where it's been separated by age).

[crunchy_mommy]

I guess we just don't know many chatty kids! Some of them I have never even heard speak!

As far as encouraging her, what about just a little prompting in social niceties (when appropriate, obviously I don't mean follow her around asking her to talk all day!!) I encourage DS to say Hi [name], Bye [name], Share please, Thank you, etc. just the simple manner things while we're doing things with other kids, & he seems to be picking up on it and I figure at least it gets him to converse a tiny bit, better than nothing & he learns manners in the process! I guess I figure it's less intimidating to say these rote things than try to have a whole conversation...

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by physmom

Haha, yep, DD is definitely self-centered at the moment. And I do have this problem too. She's a very tall kid (many people think she's 3) and because she understands so much it's hard to remember her age. DH is constantly going on and on about things she should've already done by now (like putting herself to sleep and not being so mommy-obsessed) but it seems it's normal for her age.

I think we're married to the same man. We have a kid who's busting through milestones like they're made of tissue paper and he's concerned about the few areas where he needs a little more support than average (or... probably an AVERAGE amount of support, if CIO weren't such the norm).

DS isn't particularly tall (though he's above average), but when people hear him talk they think he's older... except it's all crazy two year-old talk. Pretty advanced talk, but waaaaaaaay out there and two-year-old in nature . It can be a pretty bizarre mix.

[shanniesue2]

DS tries to talk to other toddlers (he's very conversational), but he always seems a little awkward about it. I think it's b/c most toddlers don't really respond back or join in the conversation.

i.e. we were in at chicago midway airport waiting on our plane and sitting at a kiddie table coloring. Another little boy (may have been the same age or even a little younger-- ds is on the small end of the spectrum) came over and sat down with a Thomas train toy in his hand. DS saw the Thomas and rushed up to the little boy and said, "you have Thomas?" When the little boy didn't respond, except to look at DS, DS sort of bit his lip and stepped back a bit. It was like he wasn't sure how to handle the situation since the little boy didn't say anything back. So I stepped in and said, "he has Thomas just like you do at home. You could tell him that you have a Thomas train, too." So then DS said, "I have Thomas, too." The little boy still didn't say anything and DS eventually went an sat down, but I could tell he felt really awkward about the whole interaction. Kind of like he wasn't really sure how to handle the situation.

I think it's partly a toddler thing and partly a personality thing. DS is just really outgoing naturally (although he does have his withdrawn moments). And he's very conversational (even if we can't understand everything he's saying). But most toddlers are just so wrapped up in their own perspective that it's hard for them to have conversations with or even cooperatively play with each other (that's why parallel play is the norm at this stage).

[Justmee]

Mine also doesn't talk nearly as much to other kids as he does to me. Here he doesn't shut up (and to think he had a language delay 6 short months ago). He talks to me about other kids, and points out his friends to me, but he doesn't really talk to them much. He does play with other kids so I'm not worried at all, I think he's just kind of shy.

[Llyra]

It may be experience with other kids, too. I've noticed that my DD1 at that age rarely spoke to other children-- she was past three before she really even tried to talk to other kids much. She was around other kids a lot, but usually only for short periods in the day, not all day. But my twins were speaking to each other, and their sister, and every other kid they met, almost as soon as they could talk-- and I think it's because they were always around each other, all day. I wonder if there's a difference in this with younger siblings compared to firsts/onlies? It may be that the young toddlers who are talking to other kids are the ones who spend a lot of time around other kids, or maybe it's to do with being in environments where there are many more kids than adults, like in day care or a large family? I dunno-- I'm just thinking out loud.

[gagin37]

ds LOVES other kids. He's very outgoing and social. But mostly he just hoots and shrieks at them. He's a chatter box at home, but rarely uses words to talk to other kids or adults. It's like when he gets around other kids he reverts back to baby gibberish.

[physmom]

Originally Posted by blizzard_babe

I think we're married to the same man. We have a kid who's busting through milestones like they're made of tissue paper and he's concerned about the few areas where he needs a little more support than average (or... probably an AVERAGE amount of support, if CIO weren't such the norm).

DS isn't particularly tall (though he's above average), but when people hear him talk they think he's older... except it's all crazy two year-old talk. Pretty advanced talk, but waaaaaaaay out there and two-year-old in nature . It can be a pretty bizarre mix.

Yep, that is definitely DH! He likes to say if she can do XYZ, why can't she remember to always ask to go potty? And we have a lot of crazy talk here too! This morning DD was particularily upset because DH had to go to work so the conversation went like this after he left:

"Hallo Papai. Tell Papai, A is for apple." I guess that was important enough that he should miss a day of work to hear it.

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

I guess we just don't know many chatty kids! Some of them I have never even heard speak!

As far as encouraging her, what about just a little prompting in social niceties (when appropriate, obviously I don't mean follow her around asking her to talk all day!!) I encourage DS to say Hi [name], Bye [name], Share please, Thank you, etc. just the simple manner things while we're doing things with other kids, & he seems to be picking up on it and I figure at least it gets him to converse a tiny bit, better than nothing & he learns manners in the process! I guess I figure it's less intimidating to say these rote things than try to have a whole conversation...

Yeah, for some reason we do here. But, yeah, we've worked on all of those thing and she'll say them at home or sign them to other people away from home but just not speak them....

Originally Posted by Llyra

It may be experience with other kids, too. I've noticed that my DD1 at that age rarely spoke to other children-- she was past three before she really even tried to talk to other kids much. She was around other kids a lot, but usually only for short periods in the day, not all day. But my twins were speaking to each other, and their sister, and every other kid they met, almost as soon as they could talk-- and I think it's because they were always around each other, all day. I wonder if there's a difference in this with younger siblings compared to firsts/onlies? It may be that the young toddlers who are talking to other kids are the ones who spend a lot of time around other kids, or maybe it's to do with being in environments where there are many more kids than adults, like in day care or a large family? I dunno-- I'm just thinking out loud.

That's an interesting thought! DD has been mostly at home with me. She was in daycare for 2 months but that was it. The friend of hers who talks a lot has been to many more kids classes and has a lot of extended family locally, which we don't. I wonder if that does make a difference?

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by physmom

Yep, that is definitely DH! He likes to say if she can do XYZ, why can't she remember to always ask to go potty? And we have a lot of crazy talk here too! This morning DD was particularily upset because DH had to go to work so the conversation went like this after he left:

"Hallo Papai. Tell Papai, A is for apple." I guess that was important enough that he should miss a day of work to hear it.

I can just about hear that coming out of DS's mouth.

A gem from up here tonight... "Sometimes Isaac gets sad. The alligator makes me sad. It's too green. It can't be green and make me sad."

Like... good talking there kid, but what the heck?