Kids constantly want to buy me stuff

[amcal]

I'm not sure how to handle this. My kids have an allowance and we've been encouraging them to save for things they really want. Well, there really isn't anything they want that they're not willing to wait for Christmas or birthdays for.

So, what they been doing with their money is buying me things. It started with my birthday. They did all sorts of extra chores to earn their own money to buy me a gift. It was so sweet and precious and I'm constantly humbled by these great kids.

The issue is that it hasn't stopped. Every tome we go to the store, they bring their purses wanting to buy me something.

I've tried to gently explain that to me the greatest gift is spending time together, that I really want them to save their money etc.... But they say it's their money and they really want to buy me gifts.

So, every time we go to the store, it's something. A chocolate bar, a plant, last night it was a $6 bag of pistachios! I don't want or need these things but I don't know what to do.

The other issue is that it takes forever! They have to scour the shelves looking for just the perfect thing. I have to pretend not to be looking, I have to wait an isle over, all the while carrying on a ridiculous conversation to make sure I can still hear them.

I've tried to discourage this but, they get so heartbroken. They get so excited when they present me with whatever they've bought. But, like I said, I really don't want or need all this stuff. I really, really want them to save the money they've earned for something for themselves. (they do have to put a percentage in savings and give a percentage to charity).

So, what would you do? I don't want to hurt their feelings but......sigh....

[2cutiekitties]

Leave them at home with papa and go to the store by yourself? that is what I would do

[amcal]

I wish! My husband travels a lot so, that's rarely an option. And, I do try to go to the store when they're in school but, sometimes I have to go when they're home.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

What about a designated shopping day for them? That way you could go into the store and they know they can't spend money on that day, even for things for you? Maybe let them spend their money once a week, or once a month, or something?

[LauraLoo]

They're right -- it's their money, they earned it, and they should be able to spend it on you if that's how they want to spend it.

Some of my most favorite personal childhood memories are how I would save my allowance for months and then spend every last cent on holiday and birthday gifts for my family. I remember walking the stores for hours to find gifts that the recipients would truly love. It gave me great joy to buy gifts and give them, and it still does. I still try to find the perfect gift for those closest to me.

If you want to divert it, try to find something that needs to be saved up for that they want -- maybe something like a new family game or a more expensive art project that you can all do together and all enjoy. Maybe the next time you go to the store, you can ask them to leave their wallets behind and just do window shopping to get some ideas for the following trip to the store.

[basje]

I would sit down with them and tell them you've been thinking a lot about how they have been wanting to buy you things and how sweet it is. Then I would tell them that you really want to give some money to a charity that is close to your heart and let them know that if they want to buy you something to stick their donation in a jar in the kitchen to be donated at the end of the month. This would expose them to the joys of giving while stepping away from the consumerism.

[titania8]

do they just want to give you a gift, or do they want to BUY the gift? maybe suggest (encourage) that they make you something. a card, dinner (!), something else based on what kinds of craftiness they are capable of. maybe you can all learn to knit together, and they can buy yarn and needles to knit you something. i know that's a long term thing and they are probably looking for some immediate gratification that the purchase provides. maybe candy making? drawing, you get the idea.

your children sound very sweet. i understand your frustration with this though.

[amcal]

I think it's a combination of wanting to buy me a gift because they get joy from it, the feeling of being grown up when the get to shop an isle without me right there and they get to go pay at the check out by themselves. So, I think it's the whole experience they're enjoying.

Basje - I did try that but, they do have to give a percentage of money earned to charity and I did tell them that they could have a portion to spend as they wanted so.....

Pumpkin and Lauraloo - great ideas! Thank you!

Titania - that's also a great idea. Their love language is definitely spending time together. We can do anything together and they constantly declare it "the best day ever!" so, learning something together would be fantastic!

[titania8]

Originally Posted by amcal

We can do anything together and they constantly declare it "the best day ever!"

that makes me smile!

do you think they'd be receptive to you asking them to keep the cost under a certain price? they'd still get to shop, give and feel all grown up.

[amcal]

Originally Posted by titania8

that makes me smile!

do you think they'd be receptive to you asking them to keep the cost under a certain price? they'd still get to shop, give and feel all grown up.

That's an awesome idea! That would especially help my younger DD who is just really starting to understand the value of money. That would be great practical experience for her.